... What You Got Till It's Gone

I f***ed up really, really, really, really bad tonight.

I'm typing this entry mere hours after admitting to The Voice that I ended up kicking it with one of the X-Men during our separation. And right now, I'm feeling lower than low ...

Before I go any further, I had an entry ready to be published Monday morning but decided to hold off since circumstances changed. The Voice and I have been going through a "separation" for the past few weeks (beginning of August) and in a nutshell, I've been pleading and pleading for us to get back together.

He disagrees. He had some serious personal issues to work out. I believe that you need to work together in a relationship regardless of the crazy s*** that comes your way. But he wanted to go it alone so I've relented after a few weeks and now that I'm in school again, my mind isn't dwelling on it as much.

Flashback: two weeks after he asked for the separation, I invited an X-Men over. I needed somebody, I needed to feel something, I needed love. Well, two out of three is what I got. There was no love. He didn't hold me like The Voice. He didn't smell like him, he didn't kiss like him, there was no connection between us. So was it guilt that made me realize I want him back or just an epiphany?

Flashforward: I don't know, and I don't care. Right now, as of this minute (12:34 AM), all I know is that I found the man who holds my heart. The truth is (read this slowly and carefully) that I've never, ever loved anyone more than I love The Voice. As we lay tonight holding each other, he admitted how much he misses me (albeit before my ill-timed confession) and I found myself absentmindedly scratching his back, something I know he likes. Who else knows what he likes when go out to eat? Who else knows about his strange little OCD obsession when we leave his apartment? Who else will put together his furniture or anything else he's not handy with? Who else can hold him the way I do? Who else knows his moods as if they were my own?

He is my love, my soul, my everything.

I will do anything to gain his trust back, if it's even possible. And if it is possible, I'll love him stronger than ever.

Trust and believe that.

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times”

So I’ve returned to campus as quite the mini-celeb and I love it! When I started at UMB a few years back, I was doing night classes off campus so I didn’t take the time to make friends. Now, I can hardly walk around campus without running into a professor or fellow student I know.

I like that feeling.

I have many of the same professors (X, Hand Killer, etc.) however, a few new ones have dared to cross my path (I’ll come up with alias after a few more sessions). The hardest course? That would be Music History class, a 300 level course, which features a VERY strict professor. The easiest (of course I may regret saying that) seems to be Chorus which has nearly 100 students enrolled and is filled with creepy, crawly (ugh!) … freshmen.

Professor Hand Killer is back to her usually tricks and we’ve decided to resurrect this piece from Chopin to prepare as backup for jury in case the nine page Beethoven sonata isn’t ready. Did I mention that it’s nine pages?

Jazz Band is a blast since Professor X and my former band mates have inside jokes that the new folks just don’t get so it’s nice to have an in. Plus, it never hurts to have a professor or two on my side as reference material for grad school or job interviews down the line. I believe I’m in the band (even though I didn’t audition) and I’m going to push for us to do a favorite of mine, “Moondance” by Van Morrison.

We’ll see if I get my way...

My Theory and Ear Training course populations have diminished greatly since last semester. While most of the rowdy crowd (the kind that always have to throw in a smart comment or two in class) has mysteriously vanished, some of the familiar faces that I liked are gone as well. Not that I was getting attached by any means!

So my goals this semester are to arrive on time (ha!), do my homework over the weekends (double ha!) and get more practice time in (triple ha!) – that’ll be the day when a black man becomes president – oh wait …

Seriously though, I only have two semesters left roughly (I say roughly because it’s not guaranteed until I get the okay in February) until I obtain my full 120 credits. It’s so exciting being a senior yet extremely frightening because once my academic career ends (you’d call it that too after four schools and eleven years in college), I’m really on my own. And I’m still not 100% sure what I want to do. I’m leaning towards teaching but most of my profs recommend getting performance experience first.

In the meantime, this will prove to be by far one of the most interesting semesters ever...

Oh ... this is just my favorite back-to-school commercial ever so I just thought I'd toss it in the mix!

Song For My Father

So I’ve decided to return to the world.

But I’ve returned a changed man. I’m no longer the person I was just a few months ago. A lot has occurred that has me thinking about some things in life. I needed that short break and now I’m at a point in my life where I’m ready to open up again.

The first big change has to do with my father. Pops is back home and doing well but he’s also a changed man (maybe it’s something in the air). Dirty laundry is usually never aired but after all he’s been through, what I share is out of love. Pops was a pretty heavy drinker prior to his hospitalization. My mom found him unconscious back in May and he was rushed to Massachusetts General Hospital and was laid up in the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit on life support for a few weeks.

A ventilator inflated his lungs, wires and tubes swirled everywhere around his body. He was bloated, unresponsive – a temporary pacemaker the only thing keeping him from crossing over. Doctors poured over his case, trying to figure out what had happened. No one knew. “Was it a stroke?” “A heart attack?” “His kidneys aren’t functioning properly …” So much was thrown at us. And if all that wasn’t so bad, we were told he coded out in the ambulance.

I almost lost my father. I would’ve been next to step up and be the man of the house … as much as my Pops and I don’t see eye to eye on many things, I love him so much and never want to go through such a frightening ride again.

After a few months in rehab, he returned home. He sits around very somberly; he doesn’t smile much, and seems genuinely different. It could be the little pacemaker in his chest that keeps him alive. Maybe it’s the changes we made in the house (we moved my parents bedroom downstairs).

But I think he’s reflecting on how close to the end he came. We cleaned out all the alcohol in the house and he claims he doesn’t want any. Still, I know it can’t be easy to get past an addiction that strong. We’re going to be there for him and try to help him through this but he’s got to want life more than anything. He’s already taken that first step and come back to life …

… now he just has to live it.

Pops (Update 2)

Hey everyone ...

I just want to let you know that Pops is doing a whole lot better. He's been transferred to a rehabilitation hospital and he's extremely cranky and wants to come home. He'll be getting PT to help get him walking again and he should be home by the end of the month or early August.

We're currently converting the house from a single family to a two-family so that my parents will be living on the first floor (to keep him from climbing the stairs) so I haven't been able to keep up with my blog as I'd like. I'm on vacation from work next week so I'll probably spend most of my time doing stuff around the house but I'll try to squeeze in a post or two because there are many positive changes occuring in my life that I would love to share and get feedback on!

So until next week ...

Trekking For Answers

I finally broke down and went to see Star Trek.

And I'll probably receive death threats from other Trekkies but I have to speak my mind ...

... so here goes ...

I had a little difficulty swallowing this pill as I consider myself a conservative Trekkie. While I take my hat off to J.J. Abrams directorial and cinematic style, I feel like a religious zealot who has just been told there is no divine being. My concept of (and comfort level within) the Trek universe has been thrown into disarray and chaos. Simply put, my Trekkie faith has been tested.

I was introduced to the world of Star Trek by way of The Next Generation featuring the adventures of Captain Picard and his valiant crew aboard the U.S.S. Enterprise-D. I was a die-hard geek as a youngster, building starship models from paper plates and other things I could find around the house. I even went so far as to act out storylines in my room! And that's not including the uniform I have or the myriad of models, books, magazines and props. Thankfully, I grew up and simply read the novels for my Trek fix however, something about the idea of traveling among the stars, exploring worlds and galaxies, continues to fascinate me to this very day. However, I've always been extremely reluctant to step outside "The Next Generation" series.

When Deep Space Nine debuted in 1993, I was very hesitant to tune in and avoided it like the plague. Eventually, once TNG was cancelled, I was slowly won over by Captain Sisko and his unique crew. Once I accepted that DS9 and TNG were not identical twins, I was able to enjoy every aspect of the show to the end. Consequently, the same thing happened in 1995 when Voyager first aired. Yet again, I jumped on the bandwagon several seasons in and stayed loyal to the end.

Nevertheless, the same did not ring true for The Original Series (TOS) or Enterprise (ENT). I followed Enterprise for a few episodes but disagreed with the overall concept of the series from the outset. I felt that the ship was a clone of previous designs and the continuity was all f***ed up not to mention the sexy Vulcan officer was a obvious rip-off of the sultry Seven of Nine on Voyager.

Unfortunately, I am a child of modern times and was never able to truly enjoy TOS. The halls were cardboard, the sets reeked of the 1960's and the model ship dangled from a string orbiting the same planet every week with a different color. Still, as a conservative Trekkie, I respect my elders and thus if it hadn't been for Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Sotty, Uhura, Chekov and Sulu, I wouldn't be the Trekkie I am today.

All this said, I still wasn't feeling the new movie. The special effects were great but felt overtly "Star Wars," especially with Spock's ship and the warp effect. While I understand it was intended to win over a new generation of fans, I don't think the long-time fans should have caved so easily. This movie has Hollywood stamped all over, from the lens flares to the melodramatic scenes, and the youth oriented cast. Furthermore, the casting of Tyler Perry and Wynona Ryder certainly added to that Hollywood-esque look. I seriously can't take the idea of Madea as the head of Starfleet Command!

While I enjoyed the writing, I felt the storyline strove incredibly hard to separate itself from the official Trek timeline. The idea of time travel and alternate dimensions seemed a bit over the heads of the summer movie going crowd and even as a devoted fan, I found myself having an “aha!” moment about two thirds of the way through the film. The scene that did move me the most was Kirk’s father risking his life as his son was being born. The sound, effects, camera shots … nicely done!

As for the characters and their portrayal … eh, some actors really channeled their forefathers (or mothers) while others seemed placed simply for their youthful assets. Chris Pine’s Kirk and Zachary Quinto’s Spock were right on point and the tense scenes between them were great. Chekov’s youthful clone overacted the accent and I was tremendously disappointed with Scotty’s buffoonery. While I was exceptionally glad to see Uhura’s character expanded greatly, she still seemed placed merely to attract horny teenage boys to the movie. While Karl Urban's McCoy didn’t come close to looking like him, the lines, the voice and the mannerisms screamed Bones. John Cho’s Sulu was a decent enough attempt but I think this was one of those scenarios where he was hired simply because of his ethnicity. Then again, Sulu never had much screentime (hmmm, kinda like Harry Kim from Voyager and Hoshi Sato from Enterprise). And lastly, while I applaud Ben Cross for a valiant attempt at Sarek, there can be only one Sarek of Vulcan.

The engineering set was the worst set ever for a Trek movie – a huge warehouse/factory? C’mon guys, you can do better than that … was the budget running low? The bridge was a bit nauseating but I could slowly get used to it. I’m still trying to figure out why there were price scanners on the console behind the captain’s chair …

Oh, and Nero. He was definitely one of the better villains in Trek movie history. Eric Bana acted his little heart out. Nevertheless, Nero’s intentions seemed a bit skewed. Going back in time and waiting around 25 years to exact revenge. And he was a simple miner! Not even a general or scientist or emperor! One Trek site noted that Nero did accomplish his mission, something no other Trek villain has ever done and I have to say I secretly applauded him for it. I’ve never been a fan of Vulcans so seeing their homeworld destroyed was a nice touch to bring down their arrogant selves. Still, Nero got carried away and wanted to wipe out every Federation world … dude, seriously … seriously. What’s wrong with this picture?!

Overall, my rating would be 3 out of 5 stars since I was entertained and felt it was a great way to kick off the summer movie season. Still those two stars I'm retaining because I believe it was a huge offense to the loyal fans. I've already heard rumors that a sequel is on the way and maybe this is just the jolt we need to reboot the franchise. Still, in the last few weeks, I've clung to the old ways and simply pretended this black sheep of the family doesn't exist; I've immersed myself deeper into the novels. Maybe someday I'll fully accept that which is ...

... in the meantime, I left the movie theater in a daze, walked into my boyfriend's apartment deep in thought and popped in the Star Trek: First Contact DVD to reorient myself ...

"aaaahhhh, hello old friend ... "

On Your Mark, Get Set ... RUN for Mayor! (Part 1)

I usually don't get involved with politics but I thought it would be good to check out the political landscape in the race for Mayor of Boston ... Mayor Thomas Menino is the city's first Italian-American mayor and will be the longest serving mayor in Boston's history (as of July 13th). While I agree with most of his policies, there are many out there who don't feel the same. So it'll be interesting to see if he will retain his throne ...

While I can't vote (I don't live in Boston), I'll be keeping a close eye on what happens. Afterall, what happens politically in Boston, affects those surrounding communities.

Contestant #1: Michael Flaherty

Pops (Update 1)

Hey everyone ...

A real short update to let you know that my father is doing a little better. He is still in the hospital (ICU) and will be there for quite some time. He will have surgery for his heart in the coming week and he's battling pneumonia. While he's no longer sedated and off the respirator, he is a bit loopy, cantankorous and sleepy from all the meds and his general dislike of hospitals.

Java-Mama has has been to see him everyday and Rugrat, The Voice, Tweet and myself are all coming together to help out.

Thank you for all your continued support and prayers! He's not out of the woods yet but hopefully after the surgery and rehabilitation, he'll be home sometime in July. I'll keep you apprised of the situation.

If you want to leave any well-wishes, please feel free to post below and I'll show him when I visit!