Beautifully Human

Free Your Mind

2010-07-24T11:02:00.001-07:00

“… I might date another race or color,
It doesn’t mean I don’t like my strong black brothers”

- En Vogue (Free Your Mind: Funky Divas)

So during my last two semesters of school, I tried to stay focused on staying focused but as the weeks passed by, I became more restless and anxious. My world crumbled when The Voice and I parted ways and I found myself riding solo through the world.

(Cue Beyonce’s “Single Ladies”)

Now, I’m not the type of guy who likes being unattached so I channeled my breakup frustrations and angst into my studies and soon enough, I began considering something new. I soon discovered he was smart. He was talented. He had the same type of dry, sarcastic humor as me. He was attractive. He was sexy.

And he was white.

Yeah, in all my years of dating and failed relationships, I suddenly found myself checking out a white guy.

Now, let me straighten things out (no pun intended) before I continue: I am hardly a candidate for racism and bigotry. After all, I am African-American and SGL so I have absolutely no right to criticize another person for their religion, gender, ethnicity or sexual orientation. Moreover, I’ve had friends from numerous backgrounds such that if they all gathered in one room, it’d look like a United Nations summit. Plus, it’s hard to be narrow-minded at UMass Boston considering the many students from all walks of life. I enjoy getting to know people from all cultures and backgrounds as it makes life interesting and fascinating.

Nevertheless, I felt some deep confliction then and even now, nearly a year since I admitted I was interested in this guy. However, I had never seriously considered dating a white guy before this “curiosity” began. My “black book” is filled with guys who are mostly from West Indian descent. And the few white guys I dated were flings at the most. Either they were too mature for me (I was exceptionally naïve when I first came out) or I wasn’t serious about them. Either way, it never lasted more than one or two dates. In a nutshell, I don’t have much experience seriously dating outside my race.

I’ve only had about four or five serious relationships, including my first girlfriend and I suppose it was easier to relate to each one because we shared the same racial experiences growing up. Everyone I dated had felt that sting of discrimination. We all knew what it was like to deal with “our people.” We all knew about the “black church” experience. We all heard the ghetto black rumors, knew the black handshakes and drilled every February on our black history. And we all went through the “please don’t let him be black” mantra when we saw a crime being reported on television. But how do you relate when your boyfriend doesn’t have a clue about any of these things?

While I’ve already established that I’m open to new encounters, I somehow have to reconcile with the “traitor to the race” mentality that’s been indoctrinated in our community since long before I was born. I have relatives on each end of the color spectrum but can’t help remembering those echoes of “oh they got them babies with the fine hair.” While most in the community have moved on from that mentality, there are many inside and out the black community that have not. And that’s not even touching upon the racism within the gay community.

Could I have dated too many black guys with issues that it’s turned me off? Does this make me self-hating? While my friends and family may be accepting, what types of ignorant things will we encounter in the real world aside from us being an SGL couple? These are just some of the thoughts swirling around in my head.

I suppose the first step will be to “adjust the vision of my future-self.” For example, when I acknowledged my sexual orientation, I was mostly devastated that my “future-self” would no longer have that all-American scenario: wife, kids, house with a picket fence. In time and as I began to really delve into the gay community, I realized that I just needed to shift that vision a little. The woman became a guy and the kids existed via adoption. Thus, that perfect African-American partner I visualized may become Asian, Latino or white. Or another ethnicity entirely.

Maybe I’m becoming more open-minded as I age. After all, I’m thinking about a long-term relationship and possibly a family the closer I get to 30 while the “me” from ten years ago was all about fun. Who knows where this is all coming from and how it will turn out.

In the end, the most important realization is that regardless of his skin color, I just want the love to be 100% real and honest.

And it doesn’t get any realer than that.

Reading Corner: Sweet Swagger

2010-07-16T09:00:00.000-07:00

I know it’s been awhile since I posted a book review but I got caught up since A Private Affair and I’m now THREE books ahead. And each book has been juicier than the last so I’m going to try to go back to Sweet Swagger and give you my run down.

Sweet Swagger was the follow up novel to Mike Warren’s A Private Affair which introduced the reader to Sean Matthews and his wild lifestyle. In my last review, I stated that two elements set this novel apart from the riff-raff: setting and pacing. Well, you can throw that out of the window because this novel took the wildest and weirdest turn I’ve ever experienced in a book. While the military setting remained, it was placed on the back burner in place of more nightclub scenes and “home life".

Nevertheless, the pace remained consistent and I was swept up, anticipating each page like a huge spoonful of chocolate sundae!

At the conclusion of A Private Affair, we found Sean confessing his love before his friend Cameron who was at the altar about to marry *GASP* a woman. However, Sean's arrested on suspicion of murder before he can blink (Cameron too) and Sean finds himself in a race to discover the truth before it’s too late. As if that isn’t enough on his plate, his wife suddenly dies and he’s left a single dad with two small children. But oh no, Mike Warren doesn’t leave it at that – the cherry on top? Sean enters “complicated” relationship with men and women that ties back into the murder and delves into an underground world of sex, lust and power.

About two-thirds into the book, the novel took an unexpected turn regarding this underground lifestyle and while at times graphic and a bit disturbing, I enjoyed the diversion from the main plot. Initially, I thought it was a bit fantastical and whimsical (Sean should still be grieving) but after finishing the novel, it made me wonder what people are really hiding behind closed doors. In essence, your next door neighbors may not be the quiet, normal couple that one thinks.

I was disappointed with the development of some of the characters such as Cameron and Cat (she was introduced in the first book). While I hold no discrimination against effeminate men, I still find it difficult to believe that Cameron went from knock-down-drag-out-of-the-flaming-closet-queen to straight husband and father. Additionally, I was a little weirded out by the new characters Justin, Ty and Mike, mostly because the affairs with them moved quickly. And kudos to Warren for keeping the continuity flowing from the first novel (HINT: floors + paint).

Lastly, the subplot mystery turned out to be a disappointment (very rushed scene) but equally surprising (my detective skills need some tuning). Additionally, Warren utilized the same technique from his first book to end the novel: the cliffhanger. I’ve nothing against this however, it’s very frustrating and disappointing and hope he’s planning a third novel.

Overall, this was a very strong counterpart to his debut book. The pacing, storyline and characters were just as salacious and sensational. Mike Warren has proven himself a true master of storytelling.

Miguel f. J. Cole - All I Want Is You

2010-07-15T10:26:00.000-07:00

I happened to be channel surfing the other day and came across Centric's Soul Sessions and saw this new artist, Miguel, doing his thing. Not only is he good looking but I like his sound, kind of a "forlorn" or longing vibe. The lyrics had me thinking about a certain somebody. Ironically, in a YouTube interview (click here), Miguel mentions that he's not so much "concerned with how the music sounds but how it feels" ... I guess he did his job because I was definitely feeling it.

Hope Miguel sticks around and doesn't just become a one-hit wonder. Oh yeah, I like the style of the video too (just my inner cinematographer!)

... And A New Chapter Begins

2010-06-05T14:33:00.000-07:00

I DID IT!!!!!!

Some video footage of me singing with the University of Massachusetts Boston Chamber Singers at Friday's Commencement Ceremony. The video is courtesy of my mom (who was cheering me on while simultaneously cussing out the people walking in front of the camera) and edited by me. So much to talk about, so little time (family is here from out of town) but once this weekend passes, I'll be sure to put up some more material this week! Stay blessed ...

Jazz Time (Part 1)

2010-05-27T09:19:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone,

I've got a few clips from our spring end-of-the-semester jazz concert! I'm on piano (my back is to the camera) and while the quality isn't that great, it gives you an idea of what we do ...

The first clip features excerpts from Unit Seven (Wes Montgomery) and the second clip is Phase Dance (Pat Metheny). I've some more clips on the way but ediiting takes a while, especially with commencement coming up so I'll post as soon as I can! Enjoy!

The End Is Near ...

2010-05-03T08:35:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,

Just letting you know that I'm not going to update until commencement passes so I hope to be back sometime in mid-June (or earlier) if my schedule permits!

On a quick side note, my jazz band is having a concert this week as well as our chorus so I hope to get some video footage up.

In the meantime, family from out of town, dinner receptions, house-cleaning, final exams, concerts, jury preparation and other stuff has me pretty tied down. Nevertheless, I want to share this major experience with you, so just hang in there and I'll post something soon enough!

Peace & Blessings

Reading Corner: A Private Affair

2010-04-10T09:36:00.000-07:00

As a fairly consistent reader (I’m hardly without a book), however, I am a bit picky when it comes to fictional novels. I tend to judge a book by it’s cover length so right away I was apprehensive but the cover illustration looked hot so I took a gamble!

And surprisingly, it paid off…

The author, Mike Warren, introduces the reader to A Private Affair, a world filled with lies, secrets, lust and just about all other manner of freaky erotic lifestyle that usually pepper a “typical urban novel.” However, two things immediately helped set it apart from the riff-raff: setting and pacing.

The plot is about a young Army private, Sean Matthews, who begins to explore his sexuality and gradually delves deeper and deeper into a world he is unfamiliar with. Chance encounter at nightclubs, undercover military sex, down-low lust and even some forbidden Lord-have-mercy religious rendezvous keep Sean’s world upside-down and turned out. But along this wild journey, he begins to discover himself and has to make some extremely important decisions. As the author states, will he get the best of both worlds or simply turned out?

Now before I zero in on my complaints (and those who read my past reviews know I will!), I must compliment this fresh author on his intrepid novel. There aren’t many novels in the African-American SGL genre that feature the military as a backdrop, especially considering how homophobic both communities can be at times. Knowing some family as well as a few friends in the military, I have never been interested in anything remotely army-related so bravo for capturing my interest.

Nevertheless, this novel suffers from the same affliction that many up-and-coming SGL novels do: TERRIBLE EDITING! There is nothing worse than reading a novel (I’ve read quite a few) and keeping the Rosetta Stone tablet nearby to decipher what in the world he or she is attempting to convey! While I don’t want to criticize this author, I believe all these authors should take more pride in their work and keep on their publisher/editor’s.

Lastly, my other issue with this novel was the overall structure (pacing, continuity, loose ends). The last two chapters raced by at break-neck speed leaving a massive cliffhanger (to be resolved in his next novel Sweet Swagger). Another example is Sean’s friend we are introduced to from the beginning and seems to simply disappear as well as the characterization of his roommate, Cameron, which I find hard to believe someone this effeminate actually made it through boot-camp.

Yet on a positive note I found many aspects of the story endearing and relevant. While I can’t relate physically to the super muscular, hyper-masculine personality of Sean, I easily connected with his struggles as he “came out.” His constant denials, his disconnect with his wife, the encounters were all expertly detailed and slowly drawn out through the course of the book. Additionally, many of the events toward the end of the novel really moved things along and begged for resolution (“who don it?” “could it be..?” “oh no he didn’t!”) and I’ve already got Sweet Swagger on order.

I recommend this as a great summer-style read. The “intimate” scenes are very hot and steamy with just enough raw detail to excite without drowning it in “poetry-esque” prose or making it crude and classless. While the scene changes really take the reader for a ride, don’t expect the novel of the century. Simply put, if you take A Private Affair at face value, you’ll be begging for more too!

Look for my review of Mike Warren’s follow-up novel Sweet Swagger by early summer.

Window Seat

2010-03-28T19:06:00.000-07:00

Here's the music video to Erykah Badu's new single, Window Seat from New Amerykah Part II: Return of the Ankh ... let's see you figure this one out!

I'm a huge fan yet somehow I didn't keep my ear to the ground and found out only a mere day ago that she has a new album coming out this Tuesday! Either way, I'm not mad at her but dang girl, what happened? I went to her concert back in May 2008 and she was talking about putting this album out sooner ... I'm just happy it's here!

Moving On

2010-03-20T06:00:00.000-07:00

Closing the chapter on one part of my life ...

To The Voice:

Slowly, surely
I walk away from that old desperate and dazed love,
caught up in the maze of love,
the crazy craze of love

Thought it was good,
thought it was real,
thought it was
but it wasn't love

I just don't know
where I should go

Slowly, surely
I walk away from self-serving,
undeserving, constantly hurting me love
deserting me love
You said, I said, we said

But ...

Slowly, surely
I walk away from confusing love,
misusing love, abusing love
this can't be ...

Slowly, surely
I walk away from self-serving,
undeserving, constantly hurting me love

Slowly, surely
one step at a time
But surely I will pass the old love aside,
and love me ...

(Excerpts from Slowly, Surely - Who Is Jill Scott? Words & Sounds, Vol. 1)

Guilty Pleasure: Model City

2010-03-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

So I don’t like blogging much about television (especially since I work nights and can't keep up with the latest stuff) but a new show has seized my attention.

I’ve been watching this show on Centric (BLASPHEMY!) called Model City. Now, before I go any further, let me just say that I completely abhor anything BET related and while they changed the name of the network, “a rose by any other name is still a rose” …

And secondly, I highly detest reality shows so this is a confession from deep within my soul!

That said, I must admit the show piqued my interest solely because of Zeric, the extremely bold and inspirational SGL model who brazenly kissed his boyfriend during the opening episode at a social mixer. However, as I continued to watch the subsequent episodes, I realized that this show was a bit more interesting than I realized. I’ve always poked fun at Java-Mama for watching America’s Next Top Model and Project Runway but in retrospect, those were educational shows for “normies” like me who know nothing about the modeling industry. Nevertheless, something has been missing …

Model City takes a fresh look at the modeling business via the perspective of several male models from Red Model Management, a modeling agency that promotes models of an “urban facade.” Translation: black and Latino models. While I don’t care much for good looking guys, parading around showing off their chiseled bodies and “look-how-hot-I-am” faces, it is a nice escape from the reality of full-time school and full-time work! Surprisingly, these models each have fascinating back stories and some are a bit more multifaceted and profound than I initially suspected.

Ibrahim, the veteran model and Mekhi Phifer's love child, is highly experienced and the most stable of the group. He is in a committed relationship with his girlfriend and has aspirations of being an artist following his career. What I like the most is his honesty when it comes to the issue of race in the modeling industry (we see this during a photo shoot with mostly white models and the photographer continually calls him ‘Abraham’). He’s incredibly straightforward and never holds back. Unfortunately, he loses points because of his sometimes subtle rivalry with Wendell.

When I saw the promo shots for the show, I was amazed at how attractive Wendell was but now after a few episodes, I think his arrogant attitude is (like Keri Hilson says) “turnin’ me off.” Wendell is just as experienced as Ibrahim and has risen up the ranks fast. Nevertheless, he admits to working best independently and displays his “holier-than-thou” manner every chance he gets. He is moving in with his model girlfriend but neglects to tell his mom. Is it me or does the mother/son relationship seemed severely strained?

The last two models featured on the opening credits are Zeric and Nelson. Zeric shows up toward the end of the first episode in response to an opening casting call at Red. Zeric oozes confidence, sexuality and masculinity and audaciously brings his boy to a mixer. While I’m pleased to see an SGL man represented on a BET network no less, I think after his scene-grabbing comment regarding Nelson’s private member, I’m about done with him.

Nelson, another semi-experienced model who has worked with K-Swiss and Sean John, represents the Latino portion of the show and though he’s in a solid relationship with his girl, he looks to Ibrahim for inspiration and guidance in the business as well as his relationship. However, I lumped Zeric and Nelson’s descriptions together because they ended up getting into a ridiculous argument at a promo party featuring top photographers, clients and models on 5th Ave which began over Zeric’s offhand comment regarding Nelson’s member. Seriously, people, how old are we?

There are other models such as Salieu, a West African model who doesn’t seem to get much screen time (so far), and Henry, a new recruit who has a fresh boy-next-door look. Unfortunately, Henry's desire to drop out of college to pursue modeling doesn’t sit well with me but makes for good television drama. On a side note, many promo photos for the show I found around the net feature additional models who have yet to make an appearance (not sure what's going on there).

I don't care much for shows about models and even less for the reality show concept (no thanks to the Flavor Flav series). I know that reality shows are just as staged as anything else on TV but this one has me captivated for a while and I think the topic (black male urban models) is exceptionally refreshing.

Nevertheless, I’ve a habit for ditching shows when they get too outrageous or don’t go the way I want (Crossing Jordan, Smallville, Rescue Me, Nip/Tuck, The Real World). However, I also have been known to jump on the bandwagon after a few seasons (Desperate Housewives, True Blood, DS9, Law & Order SVU, Angel).

The verdict? I’m as fickle as the next TV viewer so I’m going to take this one episode at a time …

I think it’s on Thursdays at 8 PM but since I watch everything via my DVR, I’m not sure exactly when anything actually airs so check out centrictv.com for showtimes and tell me what you think of the show!

"To Thine Own Self Be True"

2010-03-04T23:56:00.000-08:00

This be the realest thing I ever wrote for sure
After this a lot of folks wont like me no mo’
But after this I gotta go answer to you Lord
So I’ve made up my mind

I’m a go to church on Sunday
And sing a song that may hurt somebody’s feelings so that maybe
Thy will, will be done on earth as it is in heaven
And hopefully they will see how much they really be discouraging a little old sinner like me

- Lyfe Jennings (Made Up My Mind: Lyfe 268-192)

So can you help me right quick with a situation?

You see, I’m a music major (yeah, I know, heard it all before) and I’m pretty close to graduating (see my fantastic counter above). I’m hustling and grinding like never before, taking an overload (7 courses and an independent study) just so that I can graduate by June 4th and not have to return for any additional semesters.

The problem or situation I’m foreshadowing is a clash between my career and my sexuality. It’s no secret that I am SGL (gay, queer, whatever) and I’ve reached the point in my life where I am extremely comfortable with telling anyone who asks. I’ve been out for about 11 years now and while I don’t see my orientation as a huge deal, someone else may. Not that it defines me. I want those who enter into my life to see me for me and not some label. I want to be judged by the content of my personality and character, not my skin color and certainly not by who I sleep with.

Okay, enough idealism. Welcome back to the real world!

This past summer, I befriended an up-and-coming gospel musician who has released two albums and this connection was exceptionally beneficial in getting me to think about the direction of my own music career. Fortunately, everyone I’ve come out to has reacted positively. If anyone was upset or offended, I have yet to receive notice. Needless to say, I decided to come out to this young man as the topic of conversation had shifted to relationships and I was incredibly proud of The Voice at the time. This young musician reacted somewhat cool about it but gradually our friendship diminished upon his return to his home state. Subsequently, this has left me wondering if one’s sexuality and music career can go hand in hand.

Obviously, it’s not impossible to combine them, especially when one looks at artists such as Elton John, Meshell Ndegeocello, Boy George, Adam Lambert, and Tracy Chapman. However, not really knowing what path my life will take and not having many African-American SGL role models, I’m left wondering if I’ll have to be a pioneer or step back in the closet. Rumors have abounded about many black singers and artists throughout the years and subsequently, they remained trapped in the closet, even though certain signs existed.

Moreover, I’m considering a position at my church in the music ministry. Many congregants have watched me grow up there and while I have my issues, it’s the only spiritual home I’ve known. And despite it’s “dysfunctionality” at times, I continue to see the potential. However, I’ve never really had to face any opposition regarding my sexuality because I’ve never made it a significant issue. I’ve brought several of the X-Men to church (Kingston, Heart2Soul, The Voice) and even let BJ help direct my choir in the early years. I’m sure there was speculation but I’ve never been approached.

Taking this position would be a golden opportunity for my career and on a personal level, I’ve always enjoyed playing gospel and really want to see our music ministry grow. However, I cannot remain untrue to myself and live my life back in the closet. Sadly, this situation isn’t just confined to the church and will pop up time and time again as I move throughout my career.

Furthermore, I’ve composed and arranged several songs for my choir yet I have non-religious material that speaks about the trials and tribulations in my personal life. Is it hypocritical to be a secular artist as well as remain active in gospel?

So many questions running through my mind and I’m just not sure where to begin. I’ve delayed talking to my minister about the church position because of all these thoughts …

… what do you all think?

1. Take the position and play straight?
2. Become a trailblazer and be out?
3. Or just find my own path away from the church?

Reading Corner: Mama Dearest

2010-03-01T06:00:00.000-08:00

I bought it, placed it on the shelf and looked at it.

I packed it in my suitcase and dragged it with me from St. Thomas to Barbados intending to spend time with it out on the lido deck. I re-packed it in my suitcase and brought it home. Thanksgiving and Christmas came and went and still I couldn’t bring myself to take the final step.

Yet finally, nearly a year after the death of E. Lynn Harris and several months since the release of his final novel, “Mama Dearest”, I took the plunge and decided to read it.

For those that are new to my blog, I have posted several book reviews on novels (click here for all posts on books) but none were as hard-hitting as those by E. Lynn. His series figures prominently into my life as a SGL man because he was the first black SGL author I had been introduced to. The Divo had given me a copy of “Invisible Life” for my birthday about a year after we met and from then on, I was hooked!

Fast forward several years and I have read his entire collection, including his memoir, “What Becomes Of The Brokenhearted.” And I’ve been taken on an emotional rollercoaster every time. From the first scene involving Raymond Tyler in his college dorm room to the epilogue in his final novel involving Yancey H. Braxton, I have been on a poignant journey, defining my life and learning what it truly meant to be a SGL man in a world I was only beginning to (and still struggling to) understand. Simply put, no SGL man can say they have truly “come out” unless they have read the master of African-American SGL literature.

While only a select few authors have since captured my mind and heart, E. Lynn always kept me hooked and interested. I couldn’t bring myself to blog about his death last year and in many ways, I’m still in shock at his passing. It feels like a bizarre dream. While Harris claimed to be just an average guy simply following his dreams and passion, he touched thousands of lives along the way both directly and indirectly and I can say that I was one of those fortunate few.

Now I don’t like to give endings away (although it’s been several months since the release) as I’m sure that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, SOMEHOW has NOT read this book. That said, I’ll rate it with 4 stars out of 5. I know that seems heartless and possibly disrespectful but I’m not going to be soft – and I don’t think E. Lynn would want any critics out there to go easy. Authors crave feedback and E. Lynn Harris was a true author to the very end. So …

I was extremely happy to see the return of Yancey but secretly yearned for more Basil or Raymond. A note to fans seeking our two favorite SGL hotties: they do make extensive cameos, but the story remains firmly centered on the true divas. The plot revolves around Yancey Braxton, last seen sabotaging Nicole Springer’s career, trashing John Basil Henderson at the altar and dealing with her very crazy and delusional “mother” Ava Middlebrooks who has finally been released from prison. Of course, no Harris book is complete without revenge, drama, schemes, plots and good old backstabbing and he definitely returned to what he knew best.

Unfortunately, it’s a song and dance all too familiar to his readers, especially throughout his past several novels (Basketball Jones, Too Good To Be True, I Say A Little Prayer) and I could already spot the snakes in the grass from the first few chapters. Additionally, I was not crazy about the lengthy sex scene between Yancey and her newest suitor, S. Marcus which has left me wondering why Harris chose the straight path (writing from a woman’s perspective) in “Too Good To Be True” and “Mama Dearest.”

Harris also reintroduced several characters, one of which is Madison B., Yancey’s daughter she gave up for adoption to pursue her own dreams of stardom. I wasn’t too pleased with her portrayal which was defined by a struggling combination of Nicole, Yancey and Ava’s personalities. For a teenage celebrity, she wasn’t youthful-acting enough for me and appeared as an old soul trapped in a young body.

The buildup towards the climax was executed perfectly however, as a reader I was left with many questions and felt some of the characters were out of character. While Ava returned to her conniving ways, characters such as Lyrical and Dalton seemed placed to serve as a moral foundation for the novel; I understood their purpose but felt it would have been a better read without them. Nevertheless, Harris’ attempt to melt the heart of Yancey succeeded and I must commend him on a job well done.

Still, that last star must be withheld due to a rushed ending and many unanswered questions. Overall, it was great to see closure for many of his beloved characters (Raymond, Basil, Nicole, Yancey, Ava) and while it has been a lengthy and complicated adventure from the first page of “Invisible Life”, it has never been dull. I know I’ve listed most of my criticisms in this post but I believe his best novels were behind him (“Invisible Life”, “Just As I Am”, “And This Too Shall Pass”) and most of his final novels were rushed and reflected more of an experimental phase in his writing.

Personally, I would have preferred at least one more novel to complete the series featuring Raymond and/or Basil (the primary characters from the start) and a positive depiction of a middle-class black SGL couple.

But one can still dream, right?

We will miss you dearly Mr. E. Lynn Harris and thank you for all the joy, laughter, tears and thrills you have brought into our lives. May you rest in peace.

E. Lynn Harris (1954-2009)

Invisible Life

Just As I Am

And This Too Shall Pass

If This World Were Mine

Abide With Me

Any Way The Wind Blows

Not A Day Goes By

A Love Of My Own

I Say A Little Prayer

Just Too Good To Be True

Basketball Jones

Mama Dearest

What Becomes Of The Brokenhearted (memoir)

Bad Romance

2010-02-01T06:00:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I suppose the first thing to clear up now that I’m back is to explain a little about what happened between me and The Voice.

Truthfully, I don’t think I want to get into all the gory details about who, what, when and why’d y’all break up. Nevertheless, I did say I needed to get some of this off my chest so I suppose I have to open up a little.

It’s a bit odd to be typing this especially since this time last year I was excited about having my first Valentine’s Day with my very first solid romance. And yet, who would’ve known a year later, I’m not just singing Bad Romance from Lady Gaga but living it.

A few posts back, I explained how The Voice asked for space (right around our one year anniversary no less) and while I was reluctant at first, I did as he requested. Unfortunately, my bad side came back out to play and I happened to traipse into someone else’s sandbox. Unfortunately, the sand isn’t any whiter on the other side of the fence. Right as we were about to reconcile, the truth came out and I’ve endured the consequences ever since.

So now to fill in the gaps: a week before our departure on our cruise, we got into a nasty argument. All kinds of things came out and sad to say, The Voice is the kind of guy that hangs on to a lot of things. But I’m not going to point blame because I narrow mindedly went on the cruise thinking that we would get back together and all would be forgiven.

DEAD WRONG!

The night after his birthday, we got into another argument on the ship and that left the entire trip extremely tense. I spent many nights down in the bars and clubs, drinking myself silly and this only led to continued difficulties on the cruise. I’ll have a post up about the cruise so I won’t get too detailed about that.

We returned from the cruise and most of November and December was chilly as The Voice was still upset with the cruise and how things turned out. It got so bad that he didn’t even attend any of my “end of semester” concerts and we talked even less. We tested the highway of friendship out but it was a bit slippery as many of the signs on the side of the road were misinterpreted. There were times when I assumed he wanted me back but when approached he stated he was only interested in friendship because of how badly I hurt him. But remember that neither party walks away uninjured: I was hurting badly too.

The days passed, the holidays came and went and we were cordial and cool with each other but I secretly suffered wishing I had him back and hadn’t messed up so bad. You see, when my past relationships ended, it was easy to become friends after awhile because I blamed them for the breakups and I learned to hate them, personify them as the villain. Sadly, I couldn’t hate The Voice and he’s said the same about me, despite all the arguments and problems we endured the last few months. Additionally, I understood that this was unlike any breakup I endured because he was not an online trick or casual encounter and it was also the longest and most involved relationship to date.

Most importantly, I also recognized that I wasn’t to blame for everything that went wrong (despite his desire to make me believe otherwise) and grew stronger.

Well, it’s January and the beginning of a new year. A friend of mine helped me comprehend that I will be just fine by myself. It’s okay to be single again and I’m starting to emerge from my “mourning” period. I miss him terribly and I’m sure he misses me but in some ways this might be the best thing for us. I can focus on my studies, graduation and career while he can concentrate on getting a job (a huge source of contention between us throughout the past year) and returning to graduate school. Besides, even our horoscopes warned against the coupling of a Libra and Virgo but we thought we could defy even the stars!

Yeah, how naïve …

Nevertheless, It hasn’t been easy. Consequently our convos are incredibly strained and barely a text or phone call is traded between us. And what diminutive friendship existed is breaking apart. There’s a small glimmer of hope (my Mariah Carey gene) that we could give it a “second time around” but then reality sets in harder than Whitney a crack addict going through withdrawal and I know the past can’t be erased. What’s been said and done is just that: done.

Still, I have to end on this very important note. I do NOT (let me repeat NOT) regret going through this relationship. You see, prior to meeting The Voice, I was getting my life together. I had gotten off my butt and returned to school, and even left my cushy job to pursue my degree! Then he entered my life. He pulled me out of my quiet, introverted world and showed me that it was okay to open my heart again. We attended social events, traveled together and I gained confidence. So many great memories subsist in my mind and it’s a year of my life I’ll never, ever forget.

I was cynical and cold towards the idea of love (you can view the thawing process in all my previous posts on The Voice) and finally, I tore the wall down. As did he. We both fell hard and fast and I felt with him something I hadn’t felt before: a future. But sadly, love is a gamble, a risk and though it’s a beautiful rose, it does have thorns and hurts like a mofo …

But I’ll never be sorry that I felt like that, held him like that, opened up like that, loved like that. I proved that I could love again and while it didn’t work out, I’m not ready to quit on love. I’m stronger, wiser and more mature.

And most importantly, I’m ready for the next time.

To Blessed To Be Stressed ...

2010-01-22T11:47:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year and what a time it is to refresh – new page – I know I’ve been gone a long while and I’ll probably need to work hard to gain back readers and followers but I needed the break and now I’m ready to get back into therapy. Yeah, I think blogging is a sort of therapy that’s helped make me into a better person. I started this blog a few months prior to meeting The Voice and I spoke about so many issues (i.e. local politics, family, friends, personal dilemmas, social observations, etc.) and it really assisted in clarifying the turmoil and chaos in my life as I traversed from one episode into the next.

I’m fast approaching another “intersection of life” (graduation from college in June) and dealing with a recent breakup and I need to talk all this out. So I hope you guys don’t mind being my therapists for a few months …

Since it’s a new year, I created a new blog that I’m hoping to really get off the ground after graduation (it’s going to focus on my attempt at a music career). I set it up but haven’t really the time to juggle two blogs but it’ll be up and running soon!

A quick note: I’m returning to school next week in my hopefully last semester at UMB and unfortunately I’ll be managing an extremely packed schedule (SEVEN courses) so I’m going to try to make time and not let this blog slip like I did the last time. So have mercy on a brotha if you see typos and extremely messed up grammar!

In the coming weeks, I’ll be posting on my break up and unresolved feelings towards The Voice, post some photos and/or vids from my cruise back in October, vids from my jazz band concert last semester, discussing my thoughts about current events (Haiti, special Mass senatorial election result), update my workout regiments, book readings, posing a questions regarding sexuality, mental illness and the music industry as well as posting on developments at home! And of course, I’ll be trying to catch up on some of my favorite bloggers and see what you all have been up to!

So let’s get this thing started!

... What You Got Till It's Gone

2009-09-13T21:25:00.000-07:00

I f***ed up really, really, really, really bad tonight.

I'm typing this entry mere hours after admitting to The Voice that I ended up kicking it with one of the X-Men during our separation. And right now, I'm feeling lower than low ...

Before I go any further, I had an entry ready to be published Monday morning but decided to hold off since circumstances changed. The Voice and I have been going through a "separation" for the past few weeks (beginning of August) and in a nutshell, I've been pleading and pleading for us to get back together.

He disagrees. He had some serious personal issues to work out. I believe that you need to work together in a relationship regardless of the crazy s*** that comes your way. But he wanted to go it alone so I've relented after a few weeks and now that I'm in school again, my mind isn't dwelling on it as much.

Flashback: two weeks after he asked for the separation, I invited an X-Men over. I needed somebody, I needed to feel something, I needed love. Well, two out of three is what I got. There was no love. He didn't hold me like The Voice. He didn't smell like him, he didn't kiss like him, there was no connection between us. So was it guilt that made me realize I want him back or just an epiphany?

Flashforward: I don't know, and I don't care. Right now, as of this minute (12:34 AM), all I know is that I found the man who holds my heart. The truth is (read this slowly and carefully) that I've never, ever loved anyone more than I love The Voice. As we lay tonight holding each other, he admitted how much he misses me (albeit before my ill-timed confession) and I found myself absentmindedly scratching his back, something I know he likes. Who else knows what he likes when go out to eat? Who else knows about his strange little OCD obsession when we leave his apartment? Who else will put together his furniture or anything else he's not handy with? Who else can hold him the way I do? Who else knows his moods as if they were my own?

He is my love, my soul, my everything.

I will do anything to gain his trust back, if it's even possible. And if it is possible, I'll love him stronger than ever.

Trust and believe that.

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

2009-09-12T13:05:00.000-07:00

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times”

So I’ve returned to campus as quite the mini-celeb and I love it! When I started at UMB a few years back, I was doing night classes off campus so I didn’t take the time to make friends. Now, I can hardly walk around campus without running into a professor or fellow student I know.

I like that feeling.

I have many of the same professors (X, Hand Killer, etc.) however, a few new ones have dared to cross my path (I’ll come up with alias after a few more sessions). The hardest course? That would be Music History class, a 300 level course, which features a VERY strict professor. The easiest (of course I may regret saying that) seems to be Chorus which has nearly 100 students enrolled and is filled with creepy, crawly (ugh!) … freshmen.

Professor Hand Killer is back to her usually tricks and we’ve decided to resurrect this piece from Chopin to prepare as backup for jury in case the nine page Beethoven sonata isn’t ready. Did I mention that it’s nine pages?

Jazz Band is a blast since Professor X and my former band mates have inside jokes that the new folks just don’t get so it’s nice to have an in. Plus, it never hurts to have a professor or two on my side as reference material for grad school or job interviews down the line. I believe I’m in the band (even though I didn’t audition) and I’m going to push for us to do a favorite of mine, “Moondance” by Van Morrison.

We’ll see if I get my way...

My Theory and Ear Training course populations have diminished greatly since last semester. While most of the rowdy crowd (the kind that always have to throw in a smart comment or two in class) has mysteriously vanished, some of the familiar faces that I liked are gone as well. Not that I was getting attached by any means!

So my goals this semester are to arrive on time (ha!), do my homework over the weekends (double ha!) and get more practice time in (triple ha!) – that’ll be the day when a black man becomes president – oh wait …

Seriously though, I only have two semesters left roughly (I say roughly because it’s not guaranteed until I get the okay in February) until I obtain my full 120 credits. It’s so exciting being a senior yet extremely frightening because once my academic career ends (you’d call it that too after four schools and eleven years in college), I’m really on my own. And I’m still not 100% sure what I want to do. I’m leaning towards teaching but most of my profs recommend getting performance experience first.

In the meantime, this will prove to be by far one of the most interesting semesters ever...

Oh ... this is just my favorite back-to-school commercial ever so I just thought I'd toss it in the mix!

Song For My Father

2009-09-09T12:58:00.000-07:00

So I’ve decided to return to the world.

But I’ve returned a changed man. I’m no longer the person I was just a few months ago. A lot has occurred that has me thinking about some things in life. I needed that short break and now I’m at a point in my life where I’m ready to open up again.

The first big change has to do with my father. Pops is back home and doing well but he’s also a changed man (maybe it’s something in the air). Dirty laundry is usually never aired but after all he’s been through, what I share is out of love. Pops was a pretty heavy drinker prior to his hospitalization. My mom found him unconscious back in May and he was rushed to Massachusetts General Hospital and was laid up in the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit on life support for a few weeks.

A ventilator inflated his lungs, wires and tubes swirled everywhere around his body. He was bloated, unresponsive – a temporary pacemaker the only thing keeping him from crossing over. Doctors poured over his case, trying to figure out what had happened. No one knew. “Was it a stroke?” “A heart attack?” “His kidneys aren’t functioning properly …” So much was thrown at us. And if all that wasn’t so bad, we were told he coded out in the ambulance.

I almost lost my father. I would’ve been next to step up and be the man of the house … as much as my Pops and I don’t see eye to eye on many things, I love him so much and never want to go through such a frightening ride again.

After a few months in rehab, he returned home. He sits around very somberly; he doesn’t smile much, and seems genuinely different. It could be the little pacemaker in his chest that keeps him alive. Maybe it’s the changes we made in the house (we moved my parents bedroom downstairs).

But I think he’s reflecting on how close to the end he came. We cleaned out all the alcohol in the house and he claims he doesn’t want any. Still, I know it can’t be easy to get past an addiction that strong. We’re going to be there for him and try to help him through this but he’s got to want life more than anything. He’s already taken that first step and come back to life …

… now he just has to live it.

Pops (Update 2)

2009-07-08T13:41:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone ...

I just want to let you know that Pops is doing a whole lot better. He's been transferred to a rehabilitation hospital and he's extremely cranky and wants to come home. He'll be getting PT to help get him walking again and he should be home by the end of the month or early August.

We're currently converting the house from a single family to a two-family so that my parents will be living on the first floor (to keep him from climbing the stairs) so I haven't been able to keep up with my blog as I'd like. I'm on vacation from work next week so I'll probably spend most of my time doing stuff around the house but I'll try to squeeze in a post or two because there are many positive changes occuring in my life that I would love to share and get feedback on!

So until next week ...

Trekking For Answers

2009-06-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

I finally broke down and went to see Star Trek.

And I'll probably receive death threats from other Trekkies but I have to speak my mind ...

... so here goes ...

I had a little difficulty swallowing this pill as I consider myself a conservative Trekkie. While I take my hat off to J.J. Abrams directorial and cinematic style, I feel like a religious zealot who has just been told there is no divine being. My concept of (and comfort level within) the Trek universe has been thrown into disarray and chaos. Simply put, my Trekkie faith has been tested.

I was introduced to the world of Star Trek by way of The Next Generation featuring the adventures of Captain Picard and his valiant crew aboard the U.S.S. Enterprise-D. I was a die-hard geek as a youngster, building starship models from paper plates and other things I could find around the house. I even went so far as to act out storylines in my room! And that's not including the uniform I have or the myriad of models, books, magazines and props. Thankfully, I grew up and simply read the novels for my Trek fix however, something about the idea of traveling among the stars, exploring worlds and galaxies, continues to fascinate me to this very day. However, I've always been extremely reluctant to step outside "The Next Generation" series.

When Deep Space Nine debuted in 1993, I was very hesitant to tune in and avoided it like the plague. Eventually, once TNG was cancelled, I was slowly won over by Captain Sisko and his unique crew. Once I accepted that DS9 and TNG were not identical twins, I was able to enjoy every aspect of the show to the end. Consequently, the same thing happened in 1995 when Voyager first aired. Yet again, I jumped on the bandwagon several seasons in and stayed loyal to the end.

Nevertheless, the same did not ring true for The Original Series (TOS) or Enterprise (ENT). I followed Enterprise for a few episodes but disagreed with the overall concept of the series from the outset. I felt that the ship was a clone of previous designs and the continuity was all f***ed up not to mention the sexy Vulcan officer was a obvious rip-off of the sultry Seven of Nine on Voyager.

Unfortunately, I am a child of modern times and was never able to truly enjoy TOS. The halls were cardboard, the sets reeked of the 1960's and the model ship dangled from a string orbiting the same planet every week with a different color. Still, as a conservative Trekkie, I respect my elders and thus if it hadn't been for Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Sotty, Uhura, Chekov and Sulu, I wouldn't be the Trekkie I am today.

All this said, I still wasn't feeling the new movie. The special effects were great but felt overtly "Star Wars," especially with Spock's ship and the warp effect. While I understand it was intended to win over a new generation of fans, I don't think the long-time fans should have caved so easily. This movie has Hollywood stamped all over, from the lens flares to the melodramatic scenes, and the youth oriented cast. Furthermore, the casting of Tyler Perry and Wynona Ryder certainly added to that Hollywood-esque look. I seriously can't take the idea of Madea as the head of Starfleet Command!

While I enjoyed the writing, I felt the storyline strove incredibly hard to separate itself from the official Trek timeline. The idea of time travel and alternate dimensions seemed a bit over the heads of the summer movie going crowd and even as a devoted fan, I found myself having an “aha!” moment about two thirds of the way through the film. The scene that did move me the most was Kirk’s father risking his life as his son was being born. The sound, effects, camera shots … nicely done!

As for the characters and their portrayal … eh, some actors really channeled their forefathers (or mothers) while others seemed placed simply for their youthful assets. Chris Pine’s Kirk and Zachary Quinto’s Spock were right on point and the tense scenes between them were great. Chekov’s youthful clone overacted the accent and I was tremendously disappointed with Scotty’s buffoonery. While I was exceptionally glad to see Uhura’s character expanded greatly, she still seemed placed merely to attract horny teenage boys to the movie. While Karl Urban's McCoy didn’t come close to looking like him, the lines, the voice and the mannerisms screamed Bones. John Cho’s Sulu was a decent enough attempt but I think this was one of those scenarios where he was hired simply because of his ethnicity. Then again, Sulu never had much screentime (hmmm, kinda like Harry Kim from Voyager and Hoshi Sato from Enterprise). And lastly, while I applaud Ben Cross for a valiant attempt at Sarek, there can be only one Sarek of Vulcan.

The engineering set was the worst set ever for a Trek movie – a huge warehouse/factory? C’mon guys, you can do better than that … was the budget running low? The bridge was a bit nauseating but I could slowly get used to it. I’m still trying to figure out why there were price scanners on the console behind the captain’s chair …

Oh, and Nero. He was definitely one of the better villains in Trek movie history. Eric Bana acted his little heart out. Nevertheless, Nero’s intentions seemed a bit skewed. Going back in time and waiting around 25 years to exact revenge. And he was a simple miner! Not even a general or scientist or emperor! One Trek site noted that Nero did accomplish his mission, something no other Trek villain has ever done and I have to say I secretly applauded him for it. I’ve never been a fan of Vulcans so seeing their homeworld destroyed was a nice touch to bring down their arrogant selves. Still, Nero got carried away and wanted to wipe out every Federation world … dude, seriously … seriously. What’s wrong with this picture?!

Overall, my rating would be 3 out of 5 stars since I was entertained and felt it was a great way to kick off the summer movie season. Still those two stars I'm retaining because I believe it was a huge offense to the loyal fans. I've already heard rumors that a sequel is on the way and maybe this is just the jolt we need to reboot the franchise. Still, in the last few weeks, I've clung to the old ways and simply pretended this black sheep of the family doesn't exist; I've immersed myself deeper into the novels. Maybe someday I'll fully accept that which is ...

... in the meantime, I left the movie theater in a daze, walked into my boyfriend's apartment deep in thought and popped in the Star Trek: First Contact DVD to reorient myself ...

"aaaahhhh, hello old friend ... "

On Your Mark, Get Set ... RUN for Mayor! (Part 1)

2009-06-19T08:55:00.000-07:00

I usually don't get involved with politics but I thought it would be good to check out the political landscape in the race for Mayor of Boston ... Mayor Thomas Menino is the city's first Italian-American mayor and will be the longest serving mayor in Boston's history (as of July 13th). While I agree with most of his policies, there are many out there who don't feel the same. So it'll be interesting to see if he will retain his throne ...

While I can't vote (I don't live in Boston), I'll be keeping a close eye on what happens. Afterall, what happens politically in Boston, affects those surrounding communities.

Contestant #1: Michael Flaherty

Pops (Update 1)

2009-06-17T16:56:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone ...

A real short update to let you know that my father is doing a little better. He is still in the hospital (ICU) and will be there for quite some time. He will have surgery for his heart in the coming week and he's battling pneumonia. While he's no longer sedated and off the respirator, he is a bit loopy, cantankorous and sleepy from all the meds and his general dislike of hospitals.

Java-Mama has has been to see him everyday and Rugrat, The Voice, Tweet and myself are all coming together to help out.

Thank you for all your continued support and prayers! He's not out of the woods yet but hopefully after the surgery and rehabilitation, he'll be home sometime in July. I'll keep you apprised of the situation.

If you want to leave any well-wishes, please feel free to post below and I'll show him when I visit!

Pops

2009-05-27T21:35:00.001-07:00

There is so much I've wanted to blog about over the past few weeks ...

... my new hair style ...
... The Divo graduating college ...
... J-Dub's Memorial Day cookout ...
... my grades and my new online course ...
... my long-lost friendship with Dub G ...
... my one year blog anniversary ...

... but all this is unimportant since Pops was rushed to the hospital last night. They're not sure what's exactly wrong but he's in intensive care and sedated after emergency surgery on his heart. Right now it's a waiting game and we're a mess. Rugrat and I have taken the past two nights off from work and The Voice stayed with us all night until the immeadiate threat passed and came back tonight.

I'm so mentally and physically drained and knowing Pops faces a long road of recovery (if they can get him stabilized) has left me dazed and in a fog. Hopefully once I've had a full night's rest, I'll be able to think a bit more rationally ...

That's What Happens!

2009-05-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday, we had the UMB Spring 2009 Jazz Concert titled, "That's What Happens," and I have to say we pulled it off surprisingly well!

Our band consisted of 13 members. Two drum kits, two guitarists, a bass player, two keyboardists, saxophone, clarinet, accordion and five vocalists! Several of my bandmates were returning from last semester so I was extremely comfortable performing with them. Nevertheless, I adapted quickly to the playing styles of the new drummer as well as another keyboardist.

Throughout most of the semester, we focused on a song from Miles Davis called “All Blues” as well as “Afro Blue” from Mongo Santamaria. We were drilled repeatedly on notation accuracy as well as common rhythm patterns in jazz. Unfortunately, that left little time to prepare for our end of the semester concert and we crammed in several songs within the last two or three weeks. Furthermore, we lost several days due to Professor X being ill.

We played (in order):

Well You Needn't - Thelonius Monk
Dindi - A.C. Jobim (pronounced Gin-gee)
Angel Eyes - Dennis/Brent
All Blues - Miles Davis
Peace - Horace Silver (my solo piano piece)
Song For My Father - Horace Silver
Afro Blue - Mongo Santamaria
Rebel, Rebel - David Bowie (I'll explain in a moment)
Lullaby of Birdland - Shearing/Weiss

Some of these songs have been featured over the past few months in my playlist so if you have never heard them, definitely check them out!

I got a bit nervous right before we began but once out on stage and playing, I relaxed visibly and eventually was getting into the playing and feeling the vibes. However, I didn't escape the evening's performance unscathed. We opened "Well You Needn't" with the melody played on piano and decided to close the piece out the same way ... unfortunately, when it was my cue to come in, I faltered. Silence descended rapidly as the entire band and Professor X were waiting for me to come in! Needless to say, I choked down a grimace and while deeply embarassed, I kept a professional demeanor as best I could. I became so caught up in the music, I forgot my cue.

I held featured solos in Angel Eyes, Song For My Father, Afro Blue (which became an open solo, non-vocal piece) and Lullaby of Birdland, which I believe was my best solo to date! I dedicated that one to The Voice and the vocalist on that selection really snapped off! The perfect ending to the concert!

Now, it's quite obvious that "Rebel, Rebel" isn't a standard jazz number. This was Professor X's brilliant idea to get us to arrange a song and turn it into something jazz-like. With the exception of his few bits of input, the entire band contributed in some way to this song and wow, did it come out amazing! We had a salsa type rhythm going on it, the lyrics were sung in Italian, English and Spanish (one of the vocalists is an exchange student from Italy). I wish I had some footage or a recording of that piece because we really took it to a new level!

Overall, our concert was spectacular, albeit a tad short in length. Hopefully, in the fall, we can cram in several more selections or lengthen the songs. Additionally, I'm pushing to do “Moondance” from Van Morrison, a tune I've enjoyed since I was in elementary school as well as a possible Christmas selection since we will be close to the holidays.

Some positive aspects of the night were the accordion solos which really shined through and proved a non-jazz instrument can hold its own. Moreover, I was pleased to see that the singers were forced to stand, walk around and rely on their memories during their selections.

Unfortunately, some of these vocalists were struggling and I believe it was due to the advanced sound system we utilized only a few hours prior to the concert. Coupled with nerves, I think it was a recipe for disaster. Coincidentally, the double drum kits were another bad idea. Some of the feedback I received stated, "the drums were just too overpowering!"

Well, I'm taking Jazz band for two more semesters so hopefully the band and I will perform even better the next go around!

Lastly, a huge thank you to all who attended and I must say I really appreciated your support! Once again, I extend my sincerest apologies regarding the donation/door incident. Nevertheless, I hope you'll all come back next semester!

Thank you again!

**UPDATE** On Tuesday, we viewed the video footage of the concert as well as received CD’s of the music; I’ll try to set up a playlist or something over the weekend. We’re also receiving DVD’s so maybe I can get some video up (it’s not the best since the image was stationary - no camera operator)

Wolverine ... What?

2009-05-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

I managed to catch X-Men Origins: Wolverine last weekend and I'm not sure quite where I stand. I have an affinity for mutants. All kinds of mutants. I've been extremely supportive of the X-Men film series (I went to see the first film over 10 times in the theater!) However, I'm feeling cheated and let down.

In the latest installment of the mighty mutants, we discover the origins (duh!) of our wily badger wolverine. The opening scene establishes the twisted genetic relationship between Victor Creed (aka Sabertooth) and James Howlett (aka Logan aka Wolverine) and the movie is off and running. Set during the 1970's, we find James employed on Col. William Stryker's special ops team consisting of other mutant baddies. After witnessing the brutality of Sabertooth and continually intervening on his behalf, he quits the team and relocates to northern Canada living peacefully with a school teacher yet haunted by the many wars he has fought in over the centuries.

Of course evil comes a-knocking and Sabertooth tracks him down and knocks off his lady. So what to do when you're girlfriend has been killed by a half-man, half-lion beast? Join Stryker's team, have adamantium injected into your skeleton and run butt-naked through the field! By the way, I must give Hugh credit for showing a lot of skin and he looks damn good for his age! Well of course Stryker's people track him down, explosions ensue, and the body count rises. Soon he tracks his old teammates down, locates Gambit and then squares off with Sabertooth whom we discover is hiding a lot more than he lets on.

The final showdown is at Three Mile Island and attempts to attribute the nuclear meltdown back in the 70's to events in the movie. I'm not going to give anymore away for those who haven't seen it however, it's clear that Sabertooth and Stryker won't die since they're in Part 1 and 2 respectively.

Well, let's start out on a positive note before I b**** and moan! The special effects were great as usual. The makeup job on The Blob was outstanding and Liev Schriber's portrayal of Sabertooth was extremely chilling; far better than Tyler Mane's Sabertooth. The scene with Cyclops was amazing and I’ve gained a tiny amount of respect for him in my heart.

Let me repeat, a tiny amount!

However, the plot holes between this prequel and the first movie are gaping. Holes such as Sabertooth not seeming to recognize Wolverine in X-Men 1 yet they share a complex history in Origins. I also was incredibly annoyed with Ryan Reynolds character but then again, I'm usually annoyed with any movie he does. And last time I checked, Silverfox and Emma Frost weren’t sisters?!

Most importantly, I was really looking forward to finally seeing Gambit portrayed on screen however, the accent was lousy and he came off extremely "wussified" – and where were the black and red eyes? I was simply not feeling him in this movie.

Lastly, my biggest gripe by far was the missing Storm-child. She's my favorite X-Men character and while she appeared in the trailer, she was absent in the movie.

Curses!

Anyway, go check out X-Men Origins: Wolverine if you’re in the mood for some good action, crazy mutants or just want to see Hugh in the nude! Overall, I rate it 4 out of 5 stars and it’s a valiant effort to kick off the summer movie season!

Quick Question

2009-05-10T08:11:00.001-07:00

Does anyone out there know much about the graduate studies at Philadelphia's Temple University, specifically their masters in music education or performance programs?

The Doctor Is In!

2009-05-06T06:00:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! We welcomed a new member to the family this past weekend! A small black kitten with grayish eyes who has absolutely stolen my heart! I've decided to nickname him The Doctor and he's exceedingly energetic, exploring the house, getting himself in small corners and slowly getting acclimated to The General (who is deathly afraid of him because he’s already been clawed at once or twice!)

No one in my immediate family has owned cats but we know of plenty of people who do (The Divo, Dub-G). So we are going to take this one day at a time. It's a real learning experience for us but I have a feeling we're going to be pretty good at it!

I'm extremely allergic to these four-legged “furballs” so I guess this means I'll be on Claritin for a long time …

Bummer.

Can anyone recommend anything stronger for pet allergies?

Can You Spare Change?

2009-05-05T17:21:00.001-07:00

This weekend, I spent time helping The Voice and his roommates, J.J., move into their new apartment.

The weekend before, we spent the night on the town because we knew that work lay upon the horizon. We met up in Boston, walked through the bustling, vibrant North End to a waterfront Chinese restaurant called Billy Tse and then cut through Faneuil Hall and the Commons to the Theatre District to check out Charlie Murphy at the Wilbur Theatre. All in all, it was a perfect last weekend in his old place! Oh yeah, neither of us really found Charlie Murphy all that funny so just an F.Y.I. ... my personal fav? Chris Rock!

This past weekend, I struggled anxiously through class on Friday and then bolted to the new crib to see what I could help out with. J-Male's parents were visiting from out of town and helped with the move along with The Voice and his son (long story but it’s not his biological son!) By the time I arrived at the apartment, most everything was done.

The Voice and I made a final sweep of the old apartment and picked up the remaining items. I looked wistfully around the barren rooms and then after slowly closing the door, decided not to look back, only forward. However, The Voice wasn't feeling that wistful and decided to stick it to the landlady for being such a royal b**** - he unscrewed the front and back porch exterior light bulbs and we bounced!

Next up was the IKEA drama! The delivery people had a little trouble finding the location. They finally got the items there while The Voice and I returned to my house to pick up his super-sized mirror and bedside lamps. We got a call from Lady J who told us that the assembly guy (contracted through IKEA as well) was running late. The Voice called him up only to receive no answer and a dial tone and after multiple phone calls, arguments between Lady J, The Voice and the assembly guy's boss, they agreed to send a person out at eight o'clock at night! Needless to say, The Voice and Lady J were VERY pissed! Please take note that J-Male and I were staying neutral and relaxed throughout all this

They don’t call us “better halves” for nothing! LOL

Well, The Voice then decided to shop at Bed, Bath & Beyond and Target while the furniture was being assembled. However, he cornered the poor, defenseless BB&B saleswoman and unleashed his tirade about IKEA's exceptionally crummy customer service and then left even more irate at the amount of money he had spent! We returned most of it the next day and settled with a less expensive bathroom set with extraneous accessories we acquired at Kohl's, Homegoods and Target. While the assembly man labored away, we all dug into the Chinese food and finished unpacking.

The Voice spent his first night at the crib alone since he was starting to annoy me (chock it up to being late and we were very tired). The following day, we shopped till we dropped and came back to set the bathroom up (I'll post a few pics when I stop by his place tomorrow). After all our hard work, we attended a revival service at my cousin's church which wasn’t too far from The Empire. Java-Mama, The Voice and I were deeply moved and truly uplifted following the pastor's message and the musical selections! Afterward, we checked out X-Men Origins: Wolverine and called it a night.

Our first night together was serene and relaxing and we lay in bed discussing possible furniture arrangements for his bedroom. We spoke softly and then realized his roommates were on the far side of the apartment in their master suite so were able to talk a bit more loudly. Such an revitalizing change from the old apartment (we always kept the TV and vocal volume down for fear of disturbing his roomies).

On Sunday, we shopped again till we dropped and when we returned home, I assembled the lamps, tower fan, bathroom shelves and hung pictures. My “supervising half” arranged and decorated and by that night, his room and the bathroom were honestly starting to feel like a home. I “chillaxed” in the kitchen with J.J. and we all sat around discussing ideas for the living/kitchen area.

I beginning to feel even more at home in his apartment and I'd be a liar if I said the idea of moving in hasn't crossed my mind a few times. J-Male and Lady J get along great with me. We've dined together, I've walked their dog, I take out the trash and do dishes. I'm even planning to cook a Sunday dinner in a few weeks! While The Voice thinks moving in together is too soon, I'm wondering just when the right time is. What if we're still not ready at a year’s time or what if we've been ready all along? We're vibin' on a level that's truly unprecedented. No major fights or quarrels and the few disagreements we do have seem to fizzle out after a short "time-out." I believe people will think I'm too desperate if I move in this early in the relationship however, those same people have been repeatedly asking us when it will happen. We've firmly established our relationship and most of our friends and family have accepted the other into the circle. Although I can think of many positive reasons, I can unearth as many negative concern and that leaves me in a mental standoff.

Nonetheless, it's a spectacular feeling leaving the old behind and focusing on the future! So much has changed in my life in just a few short months. From leaving The Fund, attending school full-time, working at The Empire, to entering into a relationship, The Voice cutting his locks and moving ... even our newest family member! While all this change feels overwhelming at times, simultaneously it feels perfectly natural and I’m aware that without it, my life would be incredibly dreary and lifeless.

So bring on the change and let me feel, breathe and live once again!

Today’s advice?

“Make a change in your life…!”

Movin' On Up ... To The Eastside!

2009-05-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

I'm moving!!!!

Well, not exactly but close enough! The Voice and his roommates are moving Friday and I can't wait!

The day after I met The Voice, I was invited up to his apartment. I immeadiately was struck with how derelict it appeared from the exterior however, upon entry, I noticed that they had really personalized it and made it their own. The Voice has two roommates, male and female whom I've dubbed J.J. (who now own a lil' dog so I guess it's J.J., Jr.!) and the place was so small and cramped, I had to enter through their bedroom to get to the living room.

Yes, I know ... ghetto.

His bedroom was on the far side of the small kitchen and while he had decorated it with an accent wall, black leather curtains and tasteful Asian themed knick-knacks, it was still small. That first day when I sat on his bed while waiting for him to finish showering and dress, I recall feeling like a stranger, glancing around, staring at his personal effects on the dresser, eyeing his photos on the mirror and gazing in wonder at his Boston Marathon medal. Within weeks, I began to feel that his room was my second home. As the months passed, I cooked meals there, watched TV in the living room, showered in the bathroom (yes, including the singing off-key), changed fuses in his roomies bedroom, and eventually gained his trust and was left alone in his bedroom when he left for work.

I recall one night, back in early December, I arrived at his apartment at 2:30 AM following my shift. When I got out of the car, I discovered about six to seven large, rather fierce some looking raccoons blocking the path to the door. I did everything I could to scare them away but they aren’t easily intimidated. I eventually got in but his landlady didn’t do much to resolve the problem. Moreover, the neighborhood was filled with problems such as the quarrelsome crack-head neighbors below, the break-in to his roommates car and the fights between neighbors to find a decent parking space.

Despite all of these problems, this upcoming move has me feeling slightly nostalgic, regardless of the fact it's only been a few months. I am going to miss that little quaint apartment ...

Nevertheless, change is on the horizon and trust me, this new place will make me forget about the old rather quickly! The new apartment complex is top-notch, a true luxury apartment feel and located about 5 minutes closer to my house. It's a three bedroom, two bath with hardwood floors, walk-in closets, granite counters, state of the art stainless steel appliances in the kitchen, and glass walk-in shower in the master bathroom. On site amenities include a club house with movie theater, fitness room, sauna, pool, convenience store, park, tennis courts, conference rooms, covered parking and so much more! The complex is still under construction so I can't wait to see how this turns out!

And the best part for me? No giant raccoons to do battle with! No crazy neighbors and a guaranteed parking space when I visit!

Two years ago, when Dub G moved into a brand new luxury apartment complex (and moved out and back again!), I was green with envy. It featured a loft, new appliances, two bedrooms and two bathrooms and while their latest apartment didn’t feature the loft, nevertheless, it was still impressive.

Seems I'm going to get a lil' taste of luxury heaven! And boy is it sweet!

J-Male, The Voice and I stopped by the new place several weeks ago and I was blown away, even after seeing the model apartment. Walking around the building was like being in a four star hotel albeit with fewer people. They don't have many units filled yet so it's like a ghost town in our wing (that's cool by me!) The three bedroom unit (the only one in the complex) was originally meant to be a condo but they decided to rent it out so they’re the first takers.

This past weekend, we went to IKEA with his roommates and they all bought their bedroom sets. He also picked out some really nice bookcases, some cute nightstand lamps, and two tower fans. I also gave him my Rundu (Warning: link leads to adult content) calendars from last year and he’s planning to take the black and white nudes and frame them as art. Lastly, he picked out the most MASSIVE mirror he could find at IKEA and we had to cram that sucker into my small SUV. On a sidenote, the Ford Escape may be small but it sure came through this weekend! Eventually, he is going to get a plasma TV for his room and I’m hoping to get a desk or workspace set up so he’s not using his bed. I’m really enjoying selecting paint samples, arranging furniture and deciding on a theme

Nevertheless, the hard work isn’t over. Most of the major things have been boxed at his place and old furniture given away. Still, moving on Friday, having the new furniture delivered and assembled is going to be absolute chaos. On top of dealing with his bedroom, he also has to decide what to do with the main bathroom. J.J. have the master suite so this bathroom will be his and like they said in Gone With The Wind, “He don’ kno’ nutin’ bout birthin’ no bathrooms!” Hopefully when all is said and done, The Voice will let me post a pic of all our hardwork and you can let me know what you think of our interior design skills! Additionally, I’m pushing to go see Obsessed and X-Men Origins: Wolverine on Saturday night as a reward for our hard work

Oh yeah, I’m already hard at work trying to claim a nightstand, a space in the closet and MAYBE a drawer in the dresser so I’ll keep you guys posted! :: wink, wink ::

UMB Jazz Band Concert Announcement

2009-04-30T17:18:00.000-07:00

The University of Massachusetts Jazz Band presents

End Of The Semester Jazz Concert

Thursday, May 7th, 2009, 7:30 PM

Snowden Auditorium in Wheatley Hall

Featuring selected jazz classics such as "Well You Needn't", "Gingi", "Afro Blue" and many more including an original jazz composition arranged by the band!

New students on vocals, guitar, drums, and keyboard as well as returning students on bass, piano, vocals, percussion, sax and clarinet.

The concert is free, however parking is $6.00 flat fee and is conveniently located in the South Parking Lot. UMB is also accessible by train (Red Line - JFK/UMass Station) with shuttlebuses running every few minutes. Refreshments will be served afterwards.

We look forward to you joining us for an evening of music, fun and friends!

Thanks again for your support!

The Empire Strikes Back!

2009-04-29T10:49:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the darkside!

When I left The Fund last year, I thought finding a job would be a piece of cake. After all, I worked there over five years and I figured that would look extra impressive on my resume.

As Biggie would say, "You're dead wrong!"

It was over two months before I found a job and when I did, I thought all my problems would be resolved …

Once again, Biggie said, "You're dead wrong!"

Since I probably signed some type of confidentiality agreement somewhere during my orientation, I probably shouldn't reveal what company it is so I don't get slammed with a lawsuit so I'll just assign this dreadful place the moniker of The Empire. However, The Empire performs laboratory testing and they're international so you have some idea of what this place is about.

Well, the past few months here (can you believe I'm nearly at 7 months?) have been both fraught with good and bad. The good? Well, it's full-time, the pay is slightly better than my last job, I've got my own parking space, I'm alone for 4-5 hours before my co-workers come in and the benefits are nice. That latter part is extremely important since here in Taxachusetts Massachusetts they enacted a law that requires all residents to possess health insurance which at the time I thought was great until I was without a job. It is deducted from your tax return for each month you're without it. Needless to say, I only received a lousy $18.00 back from the state! The Empire does provide fun events from time to time and this past holiday season, I won about 7-8 Visa gift cards worth about $50 each.

Moreover, the bad is far more plentiful. I dislike the hours (6 PM - 2 AM) although it beats some of my other co-workers, who by the way, also irritate the heck out of me. We have to use a time clock (ugh!), requesting time off is a pain in the a**, we had to work Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's Eve (DOUBLE UGH!), I get a lousy half hour for break (last time I checked, isn’t it 2009?) and overall, I really don't like the work; it's far too simple.

The biggest irritants so far are my co-workers. There are only five individuals in our department, one of which is our supervisor/lead. We'll assign them alias: The Hedgehog, Mumbles (aka Sleepy Gonzalez), Lady Lazy and Chuckles.

Mumbles is my supervisor, a Hispanic guy around my age, so named because of his super-annoying habit of mumbling everything thus leading to a constant chorus of "what?" heard throughout the night.

The Hedgehog is a short, stumpy Asian (who thinks he’s black) guy who can be found continuously nodding off at his desk nearly every night. He's into reggaeton, deludes us with club remixes every Friday and tortures me with his ratings who’s hot and not at the job. He's constantly late (by an hour or two per night) and while I thought he was the most cultured of the group, I've come to despise him as much as the rest.

Next up is Lady Lazy who gave her two week notice last week. She's a complicated one simply because while she's the only one I've revealed my orientation to, I've also gained my very own fag hag in the process. Since I opened up to her, she comes to me with every little issue regarding her relationship and to be honest, I really just don’t care. When I was annexed by The Empire, I vowed to not become close to anyone and so far it’s worked, at least up until now.

Initially, I thought she was slow because of the way she spoke but came to find out she's got a brain up there … she just doesn't use it. She's been dating a guy she met online about the same time as I met The Voice and she's about to move down to his state to be with him. Problem is, she's got no money saved, she’s in debt, she's not planning to get a job and she seems to have this idea that he's her knight in shining armor that will save her from her family, debt, loneliness, insane asylum and the myriad of issues she’s got. While most of the men I've dated I met online, I still think it's rather sudden to be making such a huge move with someone she has only met twice. However, she's seriously caught up in love ... I tend to think of it more like fatal attraction since I asked about the possibility of a break up and she responded: "oh no, there will be no divorce or break ups!" Did I mention the deranged twinkle in her eye when she said it?

Lastly, we have Chuckles who is the oldest guy in our department, not to mention the lone white guy. He’s an extremely easy-going person but has a serious flatulence problem not to mention that he looks a bit creepy and says the same phrases continuously. Despite all that, I’ve learned he’s a veteran, takes cruises regularly with his wife (yeah, I was shocked by that too!) and speaks several languages fluently. Furthermore, his wife is a friend of The Pit, a former co-worker back at The Fund. Small world, eh?

Overall, I've had no problems with The Empire but I've come to feel I'm treated as nothing more than a number, a cog in the machine. The Logistics department (couriers) shares space with our department and I’ve been fairly cordial toward some of the drivers. Nevertheless, it’s a two way street as I’ve overheard conversations among the drivers regarding dissatisfaction with The Empire as a whole. Many things within The Empire are tightly regulated perhaps because of the medical nature of the job. I’m required to wear a lab coat and latex gloves throughout most of the night and frequently come in contact with blood, tissue and urine samples. Still, the medical field is the best place to be in this crummy economy.

Consequently, this segues into my first major issue with The Empire. The Voice and his roommates are moving this coming Friday. I have offered to help out and I requested that day off back in March. My manager doesn’t usually get in until 10:30 so I slipped the form under her door. Well, a whole month passed and when I spoke to her last week, she claims that she never received a form from me. So I checked my records at home but couldn’t find it. So I was left in a precarious position. I appeared to be negligent and unorganized while it was really her who didn’t have it together. I couldn’t prove anything so I resubmitted the form and luckily got the day off. Still, I prefer to request days off with as much advance notice as possible but this incident made me look desperate.

I suppose I'm spoiled and enjoyed the luxury of taking time off when I wanted at The Fund and now have to adjust to this system. While their system is archaic and flawed, I’ve decided to work within it to protect myself. I’m going to submit the form in person, check up on it within a week, and keep copies. I’m not blaming her since she may never have received it and I should have checked up on it sooner, but trust, this won’t happen again.

I guess I got lucky since the night I requested it, The Hedgehog arrived late (typical) and asked if any of us had Friday off. Then he asked if anyone had Thursday and Mumbles said he was out.
Needless to say I got the evil eye all night …

“One more year, one more year, one more year, one more year!”

Take Me Back

2009-04-27T10:25:00.000-07:00

“Sittin’ here thinking bout yesterday
About what we did and how we used to play
Just the thought of you brings a smile upon my face
That’s how it makes me feel to see you everyday

(Chorus)
Take me there,
I wanna go there,
Take me there,
Let’s go there,
Take me to that great place
With wonders and wishes”

Blackstreet, Mya, Mase & Blinky Blink (Take Me There Remix – from The Rugrats Movie Soundtrack)

Going back to the basics was what our weekend theme two weeks ago was all about! I haven't had a weekend like that in several months and to say it was splendid was an absolute understatement!

The Voice and I met up at the train station on Saturday morning and jetted to the post office to apply for his passport. Afterwards, we timidly entered the realm of baby shopping seeking out a gift for my one year old great-niece. We made a pit stop at D'Angelo's and sat in the car in front of Babies R' Us commenting and laughing at the various couples entering. I know, I know, it sounds mean but we were getting a kick out of "who wears the pants in which relationship," poking fun at the husbands who looked like they had been dragged by their toenails into the store. Eventually, we picked out a plastic pink stroller which I hoped would help her with walking - it was also the nicest and cheapest item and you know I'm on a college student, post-Bush recession budget!

I wrapped the gift up, scooped up Pops and left for the party. We arrived very late but that means absolutely nothing at a gathering of CP's! I was especially eager to introduce my sister, nieces, nephew-in-law, and brother-in-law to The Voice. The kids (I have two great nieces and nephews) were swarming around the yard and the house was filled with one ghetto couple after another. Nevertheless, it was good to see my niece, who sorta resembles Solé. Tweet, my sister, was busy helping The Voice get his buzz on (she makes this incredible concoction that consists of Southern Comfort, sherbet and ginger ale and probably some other secret ingredient that she’ll never reveal!).

Well, an hour into the party, I was satiated with my fill of ghetto-ness and we left. Besides, The Voice and I had tickets to check out The Blue Man Group! Now, I had seen the show several years ago with one of the X-Men, Heart2Soul, but I have to say that I found it just as fascinating and inventive and was able to discern more themes the second time around. I kept stressing to The Voice that we "simply cannot be late!" and he kept questioning me. He found out when they allowed a few late-comers to enter the show, shined a spotlight on them, featured them on camera, and sang "Yooooou're laaaateee!" ... he simply glanced over at me, smirking and realized why I had been so insistent! Overall, we enjoyed the show despite not being able to see the entire stage due to several “fatheads.” Following the performance, I was trailed down the stairs by one of the blue men ... damn, those guys really give me the creeps!

We were starving and thus headed to our favorite spot. Yep, you guessed it!

Cheesecake Factory!

A perfect ending to the perfect evening. Walking around the theatre district after a riveting show, dinner at a fairly decent place (the cheesecake and drinks are the only things truly worth checking out!), it was nice to go home and “cuddle” together.

The next day, we slept in and then stopped by UMB so I could take care of my penultimate stats lab. We then spent the remainder of the afternoon furniture shopping, eventually ending up back at IKEA.

SIDEBAR: I finally heard from Crazy and suffice it to say, he's doing good and still crazy! Hopefully we'll hang out soon.

The best part of the evening was when we rushed back to the Lizard Lounge in Cambridge to watch the Poetry Slam Finals which featured eight outstanding poets who rocked the house! The place was small and packed wall to wall, not an empty chair left. I hadn’t seen it like that since the first time he introduced me to the slam. By the way, that was our first date the day after we met. Told ya! It was all about going back, waaaay back, back into tiiiiimmmmmeeee ... okay, it's late, I'm being silly!

The poets, Iyeoka Okoawo, Art, Marlon Carey, Nicole “Cole” Rodriguez, Harlym 1 two 5, Influence, Michelle and Fibo each went three rounds, three minutes apiece with topics ranging from sex and love to political issues. I don’t want to get into specifics because this blog entry will be ten times longer but all were spectacular in his or her unique way. In the end, Marlon, Cole, Harlym 1 two 5, and Iyeoka were chosen to represent the Boston Slam Team in the National Slam Finals in West Palm Beach, FL in August. The place cleared out rather quickly following the intense competition and a small gathering remained to check out the open mic. Suddenly, The Voice felt empowered and decided to get up and spit something … needless to say (and maybe I’m a bit biased), he rocked what was left of the house!

We were the very last two patrons to leave and it was late when we arrived home but that didn’t stop our hearts from caressing one another and we fell fast asleep in our arms.

Monday morning flew by rapidly. Pizzeria Regina and Barnes & Noble filled our day and then I was off to work, my head saturated with thoughts of our “chill” weekend.

I recently expressed that I felt our relationship was getting stale but in hindsight, I feel I was terribly off-base. It’s not stale but rather, we’re exceptionally comfortable with one another. We are no longer erecting our facades of the “perfect boyfriend”; the infatuation has ended. We’re very much in love, but the level we’ve attained is beyond anything I’ve felt for another human being. Many of our flaws have been revealed to one another and while I used to be extremely self-conscious about my appearance and behavior, I’ve come to understand that building a future with someone means tearing down those walls and revealing your true personality. That weekend really helped recapture those heartfelt emotions of what initially attracted me to The Voice.

Hate On Me

2009-04-15T10:10:00.000-07:00

I was browsing through my external harddrive and came across some old photos of me that date back several years. I was getting a kick out of the different braided styles I've had and decided to share with you guys ... so basically this is just a post of me posin'!

And no hateration up in here! LOL

Note: *The pics are above in the slideshow

Blame It On The Alcohol

2009-04-14T10:08:00.000-07:00

I've been sober for approximately 3 months and while I can't say it's been 100% (there have been two slip-ups), I've done pretty well for myself! Why am I doing this? Am I addicted? Well, the answer is somewhat complex and not entirely straightforward ...

In order to get a sense of where I'm coming from, let me provide a little background. You see, I originate from a family of drinkers and having been exposed to alcohol since I was a smaller, brattier version of my current self, I took to it like a duck to water.

Growing up, summer barbecues always featured my dad and beer of which my brother and I sweet talked our way into multiple sips (yeah, we were extremely devious!) until Pops caught on. As pre-teens, we visited our cousins in VA and the adults began their "special time" after us kids were sent off to bed. Java-Mama and my aunt would whip up daiquiris, margaritas and crack open wine coolers faster than ex-prez Bush left D.C. in January! Furthermore, Rugrat and I would sneak downstairs to my grandparents apartment and raid their fridge and eventually discovered why the orange juice had a tangy kick to it: my grandmother was notorious for mixing vodka and OJ.

While I laugh at these childhood memories and chalk them up as harmless, I embody memories of the darker consequences and damage alcohol has done to my family and friends. Times such as my Pops' swearing escapades that resulted in him sleeping the evening away while nearly burning the house down because he left the stove on high. Times such as holding Dub-G's hair back while watching her puke her guts out and then go ride off with strangers and her mom calling me the next day frantic and upset because she never came home. Times such as my college roommates vandalizing the dorms at 4 in the morning following a night of drinking. Times such as watching my drunk neighbor beat his pregnant wife on the street late at night while his young son looked on helplessly. Times such as watching a drunk family member beat and debase my cousin and leading my mom to take us to a hotel. Times such as being in the car with BJ as he popped open can after can of beer (I asked to be dropped off at a nearby train station). Times such as seeing my church filled with grieving teens following the car crash death of Rugrat’s close friend mere days from high school graduation.

I’ve also seen what a lifetime of drinking has done to some close friends and even some family members who now suffer from a myriad of alcohol related illnesses such as liver and kidney dysfunctions. Additionally, we have some family members who completed Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Moreover, I had a grandmother I never knew who passed away from cirrhosis of the liver at a mere 40 something years young.

If all this isn't sobering, I don't know what is.

Nevertheless, I do not escape blame as I too have experienced the "dark side" of alcohol. Such as the time I cussed out my parents and late aunt. I lunged at them while Kingston held me back and tackled me to the ground. Times such as being so drunk at the club, I couldn't drive home and Ladybug had to drive my vehicle. Times such as being wasted at a high school prom after-party which the cops raided. Or the time I drove wasted and managed to slip past a police checkpoint. The time I came home with The Voice and sprained my thumb while stumbling around intoxicated merely two weeks out from my performance jury as well as my jazz concert (a devastating injury when you're a musician). And lastly, the time I attended a party and got so trashed, that I ended up sleeping over, in a pitch-black basement, with a strange man lying next to me.

Like Erykah Badu would say, "On and on..."

The point I'm driving home is that it's time for me to take a break. I advocate social drinking and hope to return to it someday but in the meantime, I need to dry out. I enjoy alcohol, however, too much of a good thing ... well, you know the rest!

There's only one problem: I'm dating a borderline alcoholic.

I love The Voice with all my heart and considering the circumstances surrounding our meeting, I'm in no position to judge nor tell him what to do. However, I'm having extreme difficulty dealing with his social pastime amongst his social circle. Nearly everyone The Voice associates with is a regular drinker. However, not EVERYONE he knows is a bonafide alcoholic however, alcohol seems to exist abundantly in his life. When I began this crusade, I truly hoped my decision would lead him away from temptation but that line of thinking was seriously flawed. I've since given that idea up and decided to focus on the benefits to my life. I am more energized, focused and extremely clear-headed. I enjoy not experiencing heavy hangovers on the weekends and I'm more alive than ever before. Nevertheless, I've served as his designated driver on numerous occasions and I'm slowly becoming tired of his persitant need to drink.

He has stated that it isn't an addiction but it seems that everytime he is with his friends or by my house, he's always imbibing. I'm not really sure how to cope with this. While I plan to return to my alcoholic ways (though not as heavily), I'm still a bit frustrated. The Voice traveled out of town twice to party with his friends and came back with behemoth hangovers. Personally, I no longer desire drinking to the point of being wasted and sometimes I simply don't get where he's coming from; I feel as though he's still living out his college days. He's no fun when he's drinking (he falls asleep leaving me bored) and I see him morphing into a younger version of individuals who've suffered the cruel effects of alcohol addiction. Overall, I'm concerned for his health and well-being. Diabetes, liver and kidney illnesses, nervous system disorders, heart problems are all issues that can arise from his drinking. I know firsthand since I've seen what this disease has done to the people I love.

The worst part? He vehemently denies that he's got a problem.

So how can I resolve my issues and feelings surrounding alcohol and still date someone who is very much under the influence?

Is this simply a disaster waiting to happen or can we truly work it out?

On The Streets Of Philadelphia (Part 2)

2009-04-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

So I awoke to my second day in Philly and the day was overflowing with untold possibilities. I wanted to experience everything but reality set in and I knew that was impossible since I was scheduled to depart the next day.

Needless to say, time was against us and true to the nature of our relationship, we lounged in bed most of the morning. But can you blame a brotha? It's not often you get to chill in Philadelphia with your boyfriend in a fancy loft of a semi-famous musician ...

We lay there telling stories and I discovered that The Voice used to bus tables during his undergrad years. However, that gig didn't last long after he knocked a customer out cold with a busing bucket! A long story I won't digress into but he had me in stitches for a good five minutes!

We eventually made our way out of bed and showered, eager to explore the city. And of course we couldn't have a weekend away from Boston without a small disagreement. I fussed about his slowness in getting ready but he snapped back regarding my lackadaisical attitude. The argument fizzled once we were in the car and in a few minutes, we were cruising towards downtown Philadelphia.

We zipped past Love Park and City Hall and then proceeded down the Avenue of the Arts. I pointed out the statue of William Penn at the apex of the building. We stopped at a Whole Foods on South Street to pick up some stuff. However, I was on the hunt for the one thing I craved and needed to experience before leaving this city: a cheesesteak! The Divo and his boyfriend visited Philly a few months prior and recommended Geno's Steaks, a few blocks shy of South Street. After a few wrong turns (my one significant complaint about Philly is the lab rat maze-like feel of numerous one-way streets! ARGH! There's no such thing as "around the block"!), we found the Geno's and their competition, packed with hungry people and lines wrapping around the building. I parked in a lot a few blocks away and walked back.

The line moved at a measured pace and I gazed over the many celebrity and non-celebrity photos, autographs and multitudes of fire and police patches. There was even a sidewalk dedication to law enforcement, complete with plaques and bronzed memorabilia. The turn was mine and I ordered a steak with swiss cheese and no onions (they don't agree with me) and got a side of fries and a coke. I swear I put on about 10 pounds after that meal but it was well worth it! The Voice stood with me but being a Vegan, he had no interest in joining me.

Shopping was next on the agenda and I steered us northward, back toward City Hall and down Market Street. We hopped on Interstate 76 and cruised past Boathouse Row on the Schuylkill River and down the scenic Lincoln Drive. The road curved and twisted like a boa constrictor and eventually deposited us in the Chestnut Hill area.

Having fell in love with this area from my last visit, I had go back there. The quaint shops, the cobblestone roads, the small town/village relaxed me to no end and once again, true to our relationship, we sought out the nearest bookstore (Border's) and set about buying stuff we probably didn't need. Yeah, I know, we're dorky like that but we're both huge readers and can easily spend HOURS in a bookstore and not be bored!

We then drove up to the Franklin Mills Mall after some more wrong turns and shopped around for a while. I managed to snag Musiq’s latest album and then we decided to get back to Philly so we could feed our rumbling stomachs. We returned to the apartment and snacked on some leftovers from Warmdaddy’s; little did we know, this would be our undoing. We hopped in the car. Destination: the Gayberhood. (Cute name, huh?) However, The Voice became increasingly nauseous from the food and I turned back to the apartment. He lay down leaving me anxiously bored. I flipped on the plasma TV and surfed around awhile. Eventually, I found some old menus and put in an order for a pizza from a shop around the corner.

Not quite how I envisioned my Saturday evening.

Sunday morning, we lazed in bed awhile and then I began packing. We traipsed to a small Mexican bistro a block away and I had the BEST pancakes in my life, coated with powdered sugar and strawberries and blueberries! Wow, I’m salivating just thinking about that memory …

Right before it was time to depart for the airport, the apartment manager stopped by to straighten up and we had a nice conversation. She moved to Philadelphia a few years ago from Arizona to be closer to her daughter and decided to remain. I think I can understand why.

Nevertheless, before I knew it, I was sitting in the terminal at Philadelphia International next to a bunch of bratty kids who couldn’t sit still to save their lives. I snagged a few souvenirs from the airport gift shop and soon was sailing through the air, on my way back to Boston.

I’ve had the pleasure of visiting Philly twice and each time has been an amazingly adventure. I’ve seen the best of Philly and the worst (visited North Philly the last time and here I thought our hoods were extremely ghetto). Overall, I find the people to be more open and friendlier (we’re a bit stuffy here in Beantown) and the general layout isn’t to hard to follow. Philadelphia is brimming with culture, music, art, and history and I see it as a kindred city. If given a chance to live there, I would definitely consider it.

However, in the spirit of Dorothy, “There’s [truly] no place like home!”

I'm Going Crazy ... Wanna Come?

2009-04-06T10:18:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone!

Contrary to the rumors, I'm still alive but extremely busy this semester! School has taken up about 75% of my time while The Voice has secured the other 25% ... couple that with no internet connection at work (crappy connection at school), two hour intervals at home between classes or work, and four hours of sleep per night and you have a recipe for "No-Posts-On-Your-Blog"!

Tasty, eh?

Anyway, I'm trying my dang hardest to get something written in the next few days but realistically, I'm not seeing it. There is a lot on my mind from my no-alcohol phase to my future and school as well as The Voice cutting his beautiful locks off! I also have several book reviews, not to mention a few family and church issues that I'd like to get feedback on ... I've tried keeping up with everyone else's blogs via my iPhone but time really is fleeting! Trust, following this semester, I'll be back in full force!

But until then, school comes first ...

Much Love,
K.C.

Only Chipmunks Can Prevent Forest Fires!

2009-03-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

A little Friday humor :o)

Have a great weekend everyone!

If U Leave ...

2009-03-11T12:21:00.000-07:00

On The Streets Of Philadelphia (Part 1)

2009-02-28T15:16:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, I visited the great city of love and man was it brotherly!

Philadelphia.

I flew out Friday morning on probably the most derelict flight EVER! My flight was delayed (which was a surprise since I've never taken issue with Delta) so The Voice and I made it into a competition to see who would arrive in Philly first. I think he touched down a few minutes before me.

These three black guys in front of me were busy yakking away and constantly tapping away on their Blackberry's and Sidekicks. But sister-girl attendant wasn't having it. She made the announcement for everyone to shut down their electronic devices but they continued pecking away. So she came back and said,

"You gentlemen need to turn those off now. Thanks!"

But oh no, sister-girl wasn't done. She then went back to the front cabin and stated on the intercom,

"When I make an announcement, it's for the benefit and respect for all on board so when I say to shut off electronic devices, please adhere! Thank you!"

Wow! :: z snap :: "OH NO SHE DIDN'T!"

“Oh yes she did!”

After several more problems with the lavatory, of which she constantly reiterated,

"I don't know what happened but it wasn't me that messed it up! It was like that when I came on!',

we finally departed.

I managed a seat to myself since it wasn't a full flight and then watched the magnificent skyline pf Philadelphia gradually come into focus out the port window. I was extremely enthusiastic to touch down and see my baby!

I deplaned, breathing in the crisp, cold Philadelphia air and then made my way through the crowded terminal to retrieve my bags. By the way, the $40 fee for an extra bag is absolutely outrageous! Never mind the fact I had to spend several hundred for a weekend roundtrip ... and all I got was a half cup of soda and a tiny a** bag of peanuts that wouldn't even stuff an anorexic mouse?! Come on!

Okay, sorry, I that was the Cassandra Fierce personality taking over … where was I? Oh yeah …

The Voice made his way to my terminal via a taxi (yep, you read correctly: a taxi to go from one terminal to the next! "I'mma I'mma a diva, I'mma I'mma a diva") we hopped on the car rental shuttle to pick up our ride. Now why is it that the most OBVIOUSLY SGL guys work in service oriented businesses? And it's quite OBVIOUS that these OBVIOUS guys are hitting on you. Questions like, "Oh do you two work together?" or "Can I just see your license one more time, sir! ... mmmm-kay, thanks!" Yeah, not OBVIOUS at all! And all while my man was in the restroom ... not cute!

"I gotta man!" - Positive K

So we picked out the car and zipped down the highway to the apartment. We cruised past the Philadelphia Eagles stadium and the Citizens Bank Park and then up the east side of the city. After a harrowing ride, we pulled off the highway and I could see Penn's Landing to my right. The apartment was only a few blocks away in a heavily gentrified neighborhood. I walked in to find a two room studio-like loft. High ceilings, old painted brick walls, a modern open kitchen and a flat screen TV were just some of the luxurious features of this quaint place. It was even cooler because it’s owned by a famous musician and his memorabilia adorned the walls. However neither of us paid any attention to that because we had some “things” to take care of!

The Voice and I strolled down the cold, blustery street to a contemporary Mexican restaurant/bar, sampling their veggie chicken wings and burritos. We were starving after a day of anxious travel. We chilled at the loft for a while and then headed out to our 7:30 reservations at Warmdaddy’s, a soul-food entertainment venue that was featuring Carol Riddick, an up-and-coming R&B songstress. I had been to Warmdaddy’s before however, at their old location on Front Street. The new joint was impressive and much more elegant. Black tables with a modern bar and soothing red toned walls made us long for a Boston location. Carol Riddick came on stage with a four piece band and two backup singers and performed sultry jazz numbers under the neon glow of the Warmdaddy’s sign.

The Voice and I sampled finger foods, the drink menu (except me) as well as their salmon entrée and Cajun chicken pasta. We were both still stuffed from the Mexican food but nibbled nonetheless. Carol possessed a bubbly and bright personality, similar to Jill Scott however, was drowned out by her spotlight hogging keyboardist and drummer. The backup singers swayed to the beat but were never really heard. Such a shame since Ms. Riddick had some serious pipes. After the set, The Voice, feeling empowered by several drinks, conversed with her, offering his unique brand of criticism and complement.

So it was 9:30 and we weren’t ready to call it a night so we braved the massive, crushing crowds at the movie theater adjacent to Warmdaddy’s to check out Madea Goes To Jail. After standing in the LONGEST line of my life (I think President Obama’s first year in office passed by!) just to get some drinks and Twizzlers, we scoped out two seats and kicked back. Now, this movie theater was definitely black owned because we initially stood in line for 30 minutes for snacks. Secondly, the movie advertisements didn’t start until almost 11:05 (supposed to be 10:50) and lastly, following the movie (of which most people were talking through), a fight nearly broke out because someone in the back threw an item in the midst of a group of ghetto girls up front. Yeah, you do the math …

(Item Thrown + Crowded Theater) x Ghetto Girls² = I’M A KICK YO A**!!!!

After the movie, we hurried back to our car and made a dash for the apartment. However, we arrived to find someone parked in our assigned space in the lot. So while I was ready to leave the wheels on the street, The Voice decided to hunt down the culprits and draw and quarter them! Nah, he just wanted to get their car towed. So I suggested the Irish bar across the street and lo and behold, he stalked in their to seek and destroy. I half expected the cops to show up a few minutes later but he eventually emerged with the guy who apologized profusely and we obtained our space.

After short make-out session on our way into the apartment, we crashed in bed and I drifted into a peaceful slumber …

… what would my second day in Philly be like?

My Sickly Valentine (Part 2)

2009-02-24T08:08:00.000-08:00

So did we manage to save V-Day weekend?

Sorta.

I was up and down all night, my stomach giving me the ultimate run for my money. The Voice rebounded from his toothache however, my ailments just wouldn't disappear. Gradually, I developed a fever and felt like I was in Shubuta, Mississippi! Every joint in my body ached and my muscles were leaden as though I was in the supergravity of a gas giant. We lay in bed nearly all of Sunday and I fitfully slept in between the gory sounds of Friday The 13th playing On Demand (he's a huge horror fan and I'm not, so I lay facing the wall).

And did he take care of me? Without a doubt! After the release of nearly all my stomach contents, I was feeling extremely dehydrated. I recalled my Nutrition course professor's lesson, that the body needs electrolytes following such an extreme loss of fluid. So I sent my man across the street to 7-Eleven to buy me several bottles of Gatorade. Additionally, he brought me some Zantac to help relieve my stomach as well as break my fever and alleviate my throbbing muscles. He even texted my bro and mom to tell them what was going on!

Later that afternoon, my fever broke and I began feeling extremely restless. So we ended up playing checkers on my phone and he kept me entertained with all sorts of stories from his past. We also watched a really lame made-for-TV horror flick called The Breed. The plot involved a group of "killer dogs" who terrorize a bunch of partying college kids vacationing on an island. Needless to say, it was downright stupid and the effects were lame but I only watched because my sexy baby Hill Harper was in it ("why Hill, why? You're a Harvard law school grad! You're sooo much better than that!") It was more laughable than anything.

This lazy day was exactly what the doctor ordered! You've no idea how great it felt to simply lounge with my boyfriend. And even though I felt like the bottom of my shoe, he stuck by me when I wasn't at my best.

Now, I think I'm beginning to understand this concept called love a lot better. Nevermind that I puked all over the place and had bed hair. Nevermind that I was funky. Nevermind that I basically looked like s****! (T.M.I. maybe?) He was with me.

I think I'm digging this love thing a whole lot! :: huge grin ::

That evening, we left the house and stopped by a Border's Bookstore and picked up some food for him at P.F. Chang's. When we got home, I was beginning to feel crummy again and simply wanted real food (I'd been eating only yogurt and Gatorade) and rest. I entered his room and to my surprise he had heated up a bowl of chicken soup with a glass of Gatorade and some aspirin to relieve my sore arms! While my baby isn't exactly a Le Cordon Bleu graduate, he can hold his own so that really made my night.

The next morning he accompanied me to my primary physician and even went along to the pharmacy. I'm telling you, it

"Don't get much better than this!"

So while our romantic V-Day weekend didn't go precisely as planned, I got to see a more caring, more nurturing side to The Voice. His kindness and patience have left a deep impression on me. In the months that I've known him, The Voice has proven time and time again his loyalty and dedication to his friends. But I often wondered where did I stand? He's opened up tenfold since we met however, feeling that unconditional love when I'm at a low point is truly indescribable and soul-warming ...

... and it's probably the best Valentine's gift I ever received!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Addendum: To answer Sean Stone's question, it was a stomach virus that seemed to go through the entire family, two of which were on antibiotics (Java-Mama and Rugrat). My doc didn't prescribe any for me as the virus had run it's course by the time I went to see him. The craziest part? We all the same symptoms but weren't even around each other (my folks were out of town of the weekend). While I'm all better, it seems that the virus went after The Voice but more on my weekend in Philadelphia in the next post!

My Sickly Valentine (Part 1)

2009-02-18T09:13:00.000-08:00

I never understood the meaning of 'lovesick' and now I think I do! But it's not in quite the way you'd imagine ...

I was in high anticipation Friday night and after rushing through my work, I jetted to my baby's crib to hold him tighter than ever before. We curled up and snored the night away, I woke up on Valentine's Day to his grinning face and sparkling eyes. Talk about a great way to begin my special day!

The Voice and I spent most of the day lying in bed, laughing, joking, talking and simply relaxing. After a few hours of laziness, we went out to pick up a few V-Day gifts for his friends and family. We stopped to grab a bite of food and then made our rounds like Santa on Christmas Eve. We swung by Ladybug's crib and met her sister who was visiting from out of town. J-Dub was by and after a shot or two, everyone was feeling nice (except me).

As we left, I was bit annoyed because the day hadn't gone as I had planned and I didn't get all my V-Day stuff together for The Voice. So we headed on to Hollywood Video and picked up Love Jones with Larenz Tate and Nia Long and then proceeded to the Build-A-Bear Workshop where he let me design my own Valentine bear!

Above: Kindred

Some of his friends remarked that this idea was a childish but we tuned them out. Subsequently, we observed a guy and his girlfriend picking out and designing a bear so I felt less awkward.

We then made our way back to his crib and I whipped up dinner. Needless to say, it all went downhill.

How you may ask?

"Well ... " (said like Samantha Stevens from Bewitched)

I whipped up some shrimp alfredo and some fish patties for The Voice. His wisdom tooth started aching so he laid down while I popped in Love Jones. I was really getting into the movie and he presented my other gifts. He gave me a card, the Noah's Arc: Jumping The Broom DVD, and a framed picture of himself with his original poem (and my favorite) titled The Voice. The most amazing part? On the frame was a quote I had texted him while I was Christmas shopping a few months ago which I thought he had forgotten all about! It read:

"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you."
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Above: The Voice's gift (he's shy so I had to block out his face!)

So after the movie ended, my stomach started rumbling.

"It's just a little indigestion," I thought.

Well I drifted off to sleep and sometime around 2 AM, I dashed into the bathroom for some one-on-one face time with the toilet bowl. I don't think there's anything worse than puking your guts up on Valentine's night and then having to clean it all up. And of course The Voice couldn't really take care of me because he was still hurting. But my body wasn't finished. I ended up back in there several more times throughout the night. My stomach felt like someone had gut punched me and was twisting my organs inside out ...

Was there any way to save the rest of our wanna-be-romantic weekend?

Stop The World ... I Wanna Get Off!

2009-02-14T06:00:00.000-08:00

First of all, I want to apologize for my absence and lack of commentary on other blogs but so far this semester has been extremely overwhelming!

I am taking five courses, the most I've taken since resuming my educational studies in 2007. Additionally, I’m working full-time and in a relationship so my head is spinning. Nevertheless, this is what I wanted and I don't have any regrets. Overall, I'd much rather remain occupied than idle similar to my month-long winter hiatus.

Therefore, in short paragraphs, these are the latest happenings in my life:

Psychology 270 (Statistics) isn't as hard as everyone made it out to be. So far I'm getting the formulas, doing the homework and keeping pace. If I begin averaging low marks, I'll take the class as Pass/Fail option. Furthermore, I think I aced the first exam today!

Music Theory II and Ear Training are much more difficult. I received a C+ on a homework assignment (I was a straight A student last semester) so I'm going to have to step up my game. However, Wednesday's homework came back with an A on it – yeah, I’m back!

Additionally, Jazz Band is looking much different than last semester. New singers, a slim mocha cutie on the keys (hey, I can window-shop as long as I don't whip out the charge card!), an accordion player (don't ask!), and I'm on the real concert grand for now. No horns and we're actually going to be tested on improv skills around mid-term. Ugh!

Private lessons with Professor Hand Killer are killing me ... loudly! I’m working on a nine page (yes, you heard correctly!) Beethoven sonata for my jury (click here for previous post - Crazy For Classical). I'm struggling so can someone just shoot me now? Ready! Aim! Fire!

My sobriety crusade continues. Nearly two months! More about that in a subsequent post.

I finally saw Noah's Arc: Jumping The Broom. It was far better than the series (great cinematography, writing, acting, etc.). However, it wrapped up too neatly but hey, that's Hollywood for ya! I’d love to comment more but I don’t want to ruin it for my readers who haven’t seen it. So definitely check it out!

Pops bought a new car. A dark blue Ford Explorer. Yep, he's finally moved into the 21st century! The funny thing is that I didn't even know they purchased a car! I came home at 2:30 AM to find a strange vehicle parked in the drive. I haven't even sat in it, let alone rode in it!

Speaking of cars, I'm planning to trade mine in (yet another problem with it - over $3,000 in repairs last year) and I've got my eye on the Ford Edge. I'm looking at getting leather interior (Limited or Sport edition). Rugrat is already dissing it. "It looks like a car that a white woman would drive! Like Cameron Diaz or something... "

I sent my boyfriend flowers for V-Day. I know it's stereotypical but after seeing that Super Bowl Teleflora commercial, "flowers in a box," I just had to try it out. I know, I know, I'm easy! Nevertheless, I still have a few sweet ideas for V-Day so I'll let you know how it turns out!

We're officially booked on the Caribbean cruise! I soooooo can't wait!

I found out yesterday that The Voice and I were invited to a June wedding in Jamaica! Talk about “compound excitement” (inside joke relating to Music Theory class!)

I jailbroke my iPhone and while I was extremely hesitant to do it, I’m glad I went through with it. It took a few tries but wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I’ve already got a Star Trek theme going (you’ve gotta love the geek in me!) and even found a way to wirelessly connect it to my desktop. The Voice had his jailbroken within a few days of receiving it. Yes, we’re that nauseating couple who has matching phones … go ahead and say something! I dare ya! Ha ha!

I'm headed to Philadelphia next weekend. Any bloggers from that area have some recommendations of things to check out? Where can a Beantown brotha get a good Philly cheesesteak? I've been to Philly before (loved it!) yet never with the man I love ... this should be fun!

The Jaybirds (The Voice's roommates) got a small puppy. Yeah, I'm oozing with excitement! Seriously though, I think she's exceedingly cute but a ton of work. I only hope she's not neglected as he and his roomies work full-time. Either way, she's already "marked" The Voice's room. So if puppies love him, I guess that's a fantastic sign! LOL

I went bowling this week for the first time since Thanksgiving 2007 (Atlanta). Man, I missed that sport! For those of you that don't know, I was on a bowling league for several years when I was a pre-teen. Java-Mama was also on a league and has a ton of trophies to prove it. However, neither of us really broke 100 in the two games so we're thinking about making this a weekly thing to get our skills back up.

I won over $300 in corporate gift cards for the past two months! Can you guess how I’ve been paying for gas?

Speaking of work, I passed my three month probation. While it took a while to adjust, I’m settled for the most part. I’m not getting too chummy with the other employees as I don’t want to develop any attachments like I did at The Fund. The work sucks (I’m glad I chose healthcare since the job market is unbelievably bad!), the pay is “okay” but what do I care? It’s paying for my education and once I snatch that degree, I’m bouncing!

Okay, my break is over (I'm typing this at 1 AM so forgive my rambling!) and I'm going to get back to work ...

Have a wonderful Valentine’s Day/Presidents’ Day Weekend everyone!

My Favorite Super Bowl XLIII Ads

2009-02-03T05:00:00.000-08:00

Anyone noticing the theme centers around work and the office ... huh?! go figure!

It's Love!

2009-01-30T05:00:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, January 28th, 2009 - 6:35 PM

Night swiftly descended as I drove to work. Tonight wasn't any different than any other night. Same old routine ... or so I thought.

I pulled into the garage, breathing a sigh of relief that my parking space hadn't been invaded by my day shift counterpart. I leaped from my car, surprisingly elated to be at work early and eager to get the night over with. I hurried across the street to the building, swiped my access card and entered.

Several custodial staff members roamed around, mopping and vacuuming while I clocked in. I hurried upstairs, donned my lab coat and rushed down to the lab. After retrieving the requisitions for cytology, I set to work and called up my boyfriend, anticipation oozing from every pore.

We are currently amid a two week non-voluntary hiatus. Simply put, he’s out of town on business and is the longest duration apart from one another.

The phone rang.

He answered, "Hello?"

"Hey ..." I responded breathlessly.

"What's goin' on?"

"Not much, was thinking about you and missing you ... how was your day?"

We volleyed back and forth, detailing our occupational and academic adventures. The sounds of the couriers and drivers continuously trudging in did little to dampen my spirit and excitement over hearing his voice. Prior to calling him, I had spent a great deal of the day attempting to jailbreak my iPhone. Needless to say, I didn't have much success. I came to the realization that I was once again becoming green-eyed over his prison-broke phone. So I told him I had a confession.

"What's wrong? Is everything okay?" he asked.

"Well, it's nothin' serious baby. I was just admitting I had another green-eyed moment. And I know you'll roll your eyes but you know I'm working on that!"

"Mmmm-hmmm," he droned playfully.

I confessed my thoughts and waited for his reaction.

He chuckled and began to say something just as the phone disconnected.

I immediately placed my work to the side, picked up my phone and dialed him back. The ringer buzzed a few times in my ear and then I heard him pick up.

"What happened?" he inquired.

"No idea ... damn AT&T!" I huffed angrily as I continued combing through the lab requisitions.

"So did you hear the last thing I said?"

"No"

He hesitated. "Oh, oh ... good then!"

"Um, what'd you say? I won't get upset, just talk to me," I assured him, secretly fearing he was upset about my uncontrollable envious personality.

"Well, I started laughing and said 'that's why I love you', even when you're green-eyed!"

He paused.

“Wow, I can’t believe I just said that ... I haven’t said that to anyone in a long, long time baby ... since I was in college. I just can’t believe I said that!”

My heart fluttered a few times, not quite sure I was hearing him correctly.

“I didn’t want to say that over the phone, I’d rather say it in person but I guess you can’t control when it happens,” he continued chuckling out of nervousness.

“I really love you baby boy!”

Tuesday Morning

2009-01-26T09:21:00.000-08:00

"Woke up this morning, with a smile on my face"
(The Way - Jill Scott: Who Jill Scott? Words and Sounds, Vol. 1)

Last Tuesday morning, I did exactly that. I grinned a toothy smile from ear to ear in hungry anticipation for what I considered the most astounding event of my lifetime and in the history of America:

The inauguration of Barack Obama, the first African-American President of the United States.

I can recall as a youngster my grandfather's die-hard civil rights fanaticism and the mark it imparted on my life. I was instructed to always be proud of my ethnicity and understand our history no matter how embarrassing or difficult it felt when infrequently taught in school. An attendee of the March on Washington, my grandfather felt our race was the most prominent aspect of our appearance and strived to instill an extraordinary sense of decency and decorum. Consequently, I harbor an extremely profound sense of pride for my people (even when they annoy me) and carry myself as honorably as possible.

So it comes with no surprise that I believe my vote for Barack Obama, like the vote of most African-Americans, carried with it the spirit of my grandfather's vote as well as the weight of my ancestors extending back to Africa. Furthermore, many African-American individuals stated that they voted based not upon race but on the issues facing contemporary America.

I concur.

Nevertheless, the emotional factor that determined my vote runs exceedingly deep. It is something that many of my white friends and colleagues cannot possibly comprehend. Consequently, watching the fulfillment of that vote, that dream of an African American president, simply took my breath away.

I sat in the kitchen with my parents, Java-Mama and Pops and while we joked and commented throughout many of the pre-inaugural happenings (i.e. outrageous outfits, who was thinking what, the event running on CP time, etc.), silence rapidly descended during the oath of office and throughout Obama's inaugural address. I glanced over to catch my mother tenderly dabbing at the corners of her eyes and Pops looking on in quiet satisfaction, his mind flashing back to days when this event would have been nothing more than a pipe dream.

They came of age during the Civil Rights era, watching evening news reports displaying pictures of beaten protestors, sprayed with hoses and attacked by dogs. They experienced the void in our community with the deaths of the great Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, John F. Kennedy and Robert Kennedy. And my father, who was raised in the substantially racially charged state of Mississippi during the 1940's, felt the sting of injustice and discrimination at segregated schools and restaurants.

Yes, I've had it good but only because of their generation and the many before them, who fought to bestow this upon me. I've been fortunate enough to attend top schools, experience diversity among my social circle and never remain confined to the back of a public bus.

This inauguration meant so much to young and old alike in our community. And as I watched Barack and Michelle walk the streets of D.C., I felt an enormous swelling of dignity and wished my grandparents had lived to witness this day.

Reality has set in. The time for celebration has passed and Obama is hard at work. Will his presidency mimic his predecessor or will he outshine the administrations of some of our most esteemed presidents? History will be the arbitrator of that question. Does his achievement signal the end of racism and discrimination for blacks and other minorities in America? Perhaps. The fight for equality is not over by a long shot. There will still be a hate crime somewhere, sometime before the fulfillment of his first week. However, we must stay true to Obama's message: "...But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions — that time has surely passed. Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America."

That night, as I sat at my desk at work, extremely focused and on cloud nine, I listened to the song "Changes" from the late Tupac Shakur on the radio. And as the line, "we ain't ready to see a black president" was uttered, I simply smirked to myself in deep amazement.

Dedicated to my grandfather ...

"Hey Grandpa, we did it!"

At Last ...

2009-01-21T17:00:00.000-08:00

The first dance at the Neighborhood Presidential Inaugural Ball ...

I Do ...

2009-01-21T15:00:00.000-08:00

The Presidential Oath of Office and Inaugural Address

Dead And Gone

2009-01-21T14:25:00.000-08:00

To The Voice:

Oooooooh
I've been travelin' on this road to long
Just trying to find my way back home
The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone

I turn my head to the east
I don’t see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the west
Still nobody in sight
So I turn my head to the north
Swallow that pill that they call pride
That old me is dead and gone
But that new me will be all right ...

(Excerpt from Dead And Gone - T.I. feat. Justin Timberlake)

Long Distance

2009-01-19T06:00:00.000-08:00

“There's only so many songs that I can sing to pass the time
And I'm running out of things to do to get you off my mind”

(Long Distance - Brandy: Human)

I'm going through withdrawal.

You see, The Voice travels a lot for business and is scheduled to be away for nearly the entire month of February. While I'm going to visit him at least once, I'm still not 100% on board with this. I know I'm being selfish when I say this but I didn't sign up for a long distance relationship.

Travel is a major factor in any relationship. It's inevitable. For example, my aunt is away from her family a lot due to the nature of her consulting work and I see it with a lot of other couples. Nevertheless, it doesn't make it any easier.

Furthermore, I really freaked out after hearing about the plane crash (January 15th) in New York City. I'm extremely relieved to hear that no one was killed but I did find it exceedingly unnerving when I discovered that it was the same carrier (U.S. Airways) that my boyfriend utilizes.

The Voice and I don't spend much time together. We typically meet up on weekends as he is traveling and/or working Monday through Friday and I'm swamped with school and work likewise. Currently, I'm finding the separation difficult because I have a lot of free time on my hands. I believe that once school begins, I’ll be extremely preoccupied and dwelling less frequently on the situation.

I know that he reads my blog and many of you are going to tell me to grow up and deal with it, but I titled the blog “Beautifully Human” and I admit to my flaws and shortcomings. On that note, I’m going to share that I’m angry with his job, angry with him, angry at myself, angry at the city he’s in, angry at the world – ah hell, I’m just angry! I know that I should be grateful and focus on the positive memories and aspects of our relationship. However, I simply can’t flip a switch and shut off my emotions.

Externally, I remain serene and stoic. I attended a luncheon for Martin Luther King this past Saturday and went to the casino (Foxwoods) with The Divo yet betrayed no trace of emotion. Internally, I’m missing him and deeply upset because he should be by my side. And because I am human, I’m also feeling a bit spiteful. I want to pout sometimes, throw a fit, maybe give him an attitude the likes of which the world has never seen. Nevertheless, I check myself. I’m too mature to go that route ... (continued below video)

Brandy - Long Distance (New) [HQ]
Uploaded by wonderful-life1989

So this week and in subsequent weeks, I’m going to focus on practicing. I’m going to clean up my bedroom. I’m going to catch up on some projects. I’m going back to the gym. I’m going to shop for clothes. I’m going to catch up on all my television shows on DVR. I’m going to plan out my summer internship.

I’m going to find any and everything I need to do because if I sit and concentrate on the separation it’s going to eat me alive. Depression will devour my heart. Anger will consume my mind. I’m going to pray to God to grant me serenity and sanity. Because if I don’t find something to occupy my thoughts, I’m going to throw away the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

I desired a relationship for so long, and now I’ve got one. It’s not the most ideal relationship but show me one that is! I stated a few posts ago that I was going to work hard cementing this. Nevertheless, emotions simply don’t lie.

I need a little help here:

What ideas can you suggest to help keep my mind off this?
And how do you cope with being away from your significant other for long periods of time?

New Year: New Me, New You (Part 2)

2009-01-16T12:09:00.000-08:00

“I'm in love.”

Regis: “Final answer?”

Me: “Yep, final answer!”

It's been nearly five months since I met The Voice and it's been one crazy ride after another. What started as a chance meeting at a rambunctious party last year has turned into something much more. We have bared our naked souls to one another and even after we’ve locked horns, we simply can't release one another.

In the song True from Brandy, she claims, "I've never been a victim of love before so I'm not sure what I should be looking for ... " She sums up this feeling precisely. I thought I was in love with previous “kats” but now I know I was blind to the truth. I was in love with the idea of being in love. But this feels different. I'm experiencing a romance with The Voice with a little something extra on the side:

A future.

The hints have been revealed by his roommates, my parents, and our friends. I've repeatedly heard the question "So, when are you guys going to move in together?" We've spent countless hours lying in bed discussing our future children’s names, who will decorate which room of the apartment and even what next Christmas will be like. The young K.C. lived live for the moment, enjoying his time with whomever showed affection.

I attribute this evolution in attitude to maturity. Both of us are nearing the big 3-0 and most of our friends and family are settled down and starting families. I suppose age really does alter one’s life perspective. Java-Mama and The Divo recently shared their observations of significant change in my personality. They noticed that I'm exceedingly outgoing and confident. Initially, I didn't see these changes however, reflecting on these past months, they're absolutely correct. Last year, I attended social events, parties and clubs and didn’t feel a twinge of anxiety.

The Voice is empowerment.

I'm understanding his moods while he's deciphering my facial expressions. In public, we seem to communicate telepathically and instinctively pull off the "perfect couple" routine. Key gazes across a room, caressing hands, secret smiles all emerge in social settings. Additionally, his friends have entrusted me with driving their vehicles, watching their children, and throughout a medical emergency this past December, they even considered me part of the family.

Furthermore, my family has opened up a lot with The Voice. For example, he decorated our Christmas tree and this past Sunday, was ignored my Java-Mama and me during Desperate Housewives (now if that doesn't indicate you're part of the family, I don't know what does!)

Nevertheless, things aren’t always sunny in our loveworld. Since we’re quite a force together on good days, we become hurricanes during our bad days. Problems arise due to our extremely similar personalities. We’re exceedingly particular about how we want things almost to the point of perfection. And when we argue, neither of us is willing to concede.

Moreover, we’re terribly independent and headstrong. If we desire something, we work hard to achieve it and deny any and all external assistance. This becomes a substantial problem in a relationship as a relationship is dependent upon reliance and support from the significant other (Wow! That sounded like a sentence from a psychology paper!)

While we both have flaws (arrogance, stubbornness, mood swings, etc.), we’re working hard at communication and openness. We discuss nearly every aspect that permeates our relationship and rarely make decisions in our separate personal lives without at least informing the other. Neither of us has ever been involved in a solid, future-building relationship before so this is truly “the blind leading the blind.”

In 2009, I am hoping to move this relationship to a higher level. Many of the mistakes and gaffes that occurred last year will be left behind. The honeymoon phase has ended and the next chapter is beginning. Besides, there’s no doubt that he is committed to me (and vice versa) and now it’s time to make the relationship flow. This year, I want to enjoy “us” just as I did when we first met and yet work diligently to cement what we have. Who knows what this year will encompass but one thing is certain: it will truly enjoyable with The Voice by my side.

So, out with the old and in with the new!

“Baby, this first year is going to be colossal and something you’ll never forget or regret!”

The List

2009-01-15T13:07:00.000-08:00

Silly laugh
Warm smile
Sexy scent
Beautiful mind
Bright eyes
Kindness
Supreme confidence
Overflowing swag
Extreme directness
Bountiful playfulness
Precise attention to detail
Your Voice

The way you sing
The way you speak
The way you run
The way you intently watch television
The way you shower
The way you style your hair
The way you sleep
The way you eat and drink
The way you walk
The way you dress
The way you hold me
The way you care for me

(inspired by the song "Part Of The List" by Ne-Yo: Year Of The Gentleman)

Crazy For Classical

2009-01-15T09:53:00.001-08:00

This morning, I received the latest piece from Professor Hand Killer via mail and my initial reaction is "FREAK OUT!" I swear she's trying to kill me (you'll understand once you view the video below)!

The selection is Beethoven's Sonata Op. 10, No. 3 and totals nine pages in length! I'm not entirely certain I'm ready however, I said something similar in previous semesters and I mastered those pieces.

So let's roll up our sleeves and get to work!

New Year: New Me, New You (Part 1)

2009-01-13T12:42:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone and welcome to 2009!

Now, I know it's been a minute since I wrote on my blog. You know, the holidays and having a boyfriend kept me occupied but I’m back and "ready to go right now!" (as John Legend would say!)

I had several posts lined up to share my holiday experiences but I believe it’s best to leave 2008 in the past. While I had many great Christmas memories (i.e. going to The Grinch Musical and spending the day with my man and his god-children), I also experienced some not so pleasant moments (i.e. arguing with my man long distance following New Years).

So let the past be the past and let's focus on the year ahead!

I've been enjoying my month long break from school and the semester begins Jan. 26th. I'm really nervous since I'm taking a psychology statistics course and I suck horribly at math! Consequently, if you don't view many posts during the forthcoming semester, you'll know why!

Additionally, I'm researching info regarding a summer internship I'm interested in. This would be a outstanding opportunity following graduation and gain valuable insight about the music industry. However, the position I’m considering is unpaid and would require relocation. I have no qualms about relocating but I do require income. I'll keep you guys apprised of my decision.

The biggest thing I'm looking forward to in 2009?

I'm going on a cruise in October! I’m super excited and extremely giddy about this! We've submitted our deposits (for a balcony suite) and we'll be traveling to St. Kitts, St. Thomas, Dominica, San Juan, Puerto Rico and numerous other saint-named-islands. Furthermore, I’m most thrilled about meeting my future mother in law The Voice's mom! There’s so much to do but in the end, I'm sure I'll have a blast!

Another thing I'm looking forward to in 2009 is cutting my yarn locks. As of March, it will be one year and I've attained several inches of growth. I'm still pondering over this decision and I’m unsure whether I’m ready for the "pregnant stage" but sooner or later, I have to go through with it.

Unfortunately, my year didn't begin well concerning my health. As you know, I lost nearly 20 pounds last year during my initial months dating The Voice. Sadly, I gained some of it back and following a routine check-up, I discovered my cholesterol went back up. I attribute this to the constant dining out on weekends and new work/school schedule. The late nights and busy days have radically altered my eating habits and I'm not getting my three daily meals. Moreover, I learned that I have a cavity on my wisdom tooth. These findings have led me to make some SERIOUS changes!

No booze (13 days sober so far!), no sweets, no fast food, no late night snacking and I’ve returned to eating Cheerios. Furthermore, it's back to the gym A.S.A.P.

:: sigh ::

So those are the biggest happenings in my life for 2009! I'm ecstatic about a myriad of things this year and the possibilities they will bestow.

What are the most significant changes (I prefer not to utilize that blasphemous word "resolutions") you've made in your life for 2009?

... And no, I didn't forget about The Voice! A lot to discuss so keep an eye out for part two in a few days!

Halo (Done Right!)

2009-01-05T09:15:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year everyone!

So many good things to be expected in 2009 so let's kick it off right!

I posted a Halo video around Thanksgiving but it was a slideshow. So now I've found the official video and totally loving it! The lighting, the ambiance, and especially Ealy with his sexy baby blue eyes! LOL

Halo (Official Video) HQ
Uploaded by Le-Tour-2Lor

Random Thoughts & Questions ...

2008-12-28T19:00:00.000-08:00

1. What would it be like if arachnids had wings?

2. Why is the vocoder in every song lately? I think it needs to die an awful death ...

3. Why is Plies still rapping?

4. In Cambridge, MA, bicycles rule the streets so much that even thugs ride ...

You're Hot Then You're Cold ...

2008-12-24T12:00:00.000-08:00

I had a rollercoaster weekend, ranging from one extreme to the next, yet every rise and fall with The Voice only makes my feelings toward him that much stronger. I'd be naive to assume you can have an absolutely harmonious relationship. Life isn't a movie, a novel or a television show. Consequently, the more realistic our relationship is, the stronger we become.

Saturday: I arrived at The Voice's apartment per our usual arrangement. I was extremely tired because I had jury that afternoon (a prerequisite for all music majors in which we are obligated to play in front of several department faculty members and receive ratings for our performance) and then proceeded directly to work. We cuddled for a short while but eventually exhaustion overtook us. That morning, we headed to the barbershop and then stopped by my church so I could sit in on choir rehearsal. Several of my former choir members attended my jazz concert on Tuesday, so I wanted to thank them for their support. Furthermore, it gave me a chance to introduce The Voice to another facet of my life.

However, things didn't go smoothly. I noticed he was extraordinarily quiet most of the morning. Usually outspoken at the barbershop, he was demurred and silent. Upon our arrival at church, he was cordial but still subdued. Following rehearsal, we made a brief stop by my house to fill up my coolant tank. The Voice became animated for a short while, allowing my mom to speak with his mom via phone and even hung some candy canes on our Christmas tree.

Nevertheless, he reverted to his silent status after our departure. We patronized a restaurant in Roslindale named Delfino's which caters to a yuppie-type crowd. The cuisine is mainly Italian and the prices are fairly reasonable. However, I was unable to enjoy the meal because he was especially quiet throughout dinner.

At this point, I had just about enough!

As we departed the restaurant, I questioned him as to what was on his mind but he continued to brush me off as he previously done throughout the day. At this point, I was incredibly aggravated and cancelled our cinema plans. I decided to confront him point blank.

He remarked that he overheard my morning phone conversation in which I supposedly said,

"I'll be glad to have this break from him ..."

Now I know you guys only have my side of the story here however, I contend that was never said. Moreover, how could I say this when I used the infamous L word last week? Does that sound like a man who wants or needs time and space away from his boyfriend?

We went back and forth in the car, stressing our opinions and I continuously defended my words. Eventually the argument became pointless and futile. It was a draw. Too weary to continue, I told him to come to me with anything, anything that bothers him immediately; don't hold it in all day.

We eventually made up that night (hehe!) and watched The Family Stone on DVD (it's one of my favorite holiday movies of all time! If you haven't seen it, go rent it!)

Sunday: We lazed most of the morning in bed enjoying our own personal concert. We lay in bed, sharing the headphones and listening to songs on our MP3 players. As we each selected songs, we caressed our deep brown skin, enjoying the sensation, the lack of words between us and the beautiful music. Needless to say, we ended the concert on "The Way" by Jill Scott!

We spent the rest of the day shopping (well he did most of the shopping while I ran my mouth on the phone), a trip to Qdoba's and stopped by both J-Dub's house as well as my house. That night, The Voice got his locks twisted by his roommate (Lil' Hustla) and we all sat around watching Wanted (ugh! … see June post titled Wanted: Lazy Weekend for my opinion on that movie!).

While the weekend wasn't a total washout, we learned more about each other, our likes, dislikes, our attitudes, our limits and our expectations. This coming weekend, we are taking J-Dub's daughters to the Build-A-Bear Workshop and to see The Grinch Musical. We also have a Christmas party to attend on Sunday and I'm introducing Crazy to The Voice (that should be interesting!) There won't be much time spent together this and coming weekends as he is flying out for business just before New Years.

I hope everyone had enjoyable weekends and stayed warm, dry and got their Christmas shopping done! Only one more week! Have a great week!

Editor’s Note: This post was initially drafted two weeks ago.

School Update

2008-12-24T10:00:00.000-08:00

As a quick addendum to the UMB concert update, I wanted to inform everyone that I achieved all A's across the board! This will probably bring my current GPA of 3.75 to a 3.80. Furthermore, I'm going to receive credit for a keyboard class that I was able to pass out of!

I believe (take note of the word “believe”) I'll be transitioning into my senior year this summer so things are moving along extremely quickly now. In addition to the excitement of graduation, I'm considering a summer internship. I've had my eye on an internship with Sony BMG for nearly a year however, I need to find out the requirements on either end (UMB and Sony). I'm still not completely certain what direction I want to take this degree. Still, an internship with such a prestigious corporation can't possibly hurt!

For the spring semester, I'm taking Psychology 270 (Statistics) as part of my Quantitative Reasoning Requirement. It's one of the last general education requirements left so the sooner I get it out of the way, the better. I'm taking jazz band again (provided another piano player doesn't audition better than me!) and continuing lessons with Professor Hand Killer (semester # 5 baby!)

Lastly, I received word from Prof. Hand Killer that my marks for my jury were exceptional. The scale rating is 1 through 5 (5 being the best) and I received a 4 from the head of the department, a 5 plus from my theory professor (he was a judge) and a 5 from the last judge. Not bad! I can’t wait to get started on my piece for next semester! She doesn’t waste time as she’s already sent me a new performance selection via the mail.

All in all, it should be an interesting semester!

K.C.'s Workout Plan (Pt. 8)

2008-12-24T08:00:00.000-08:00

I'm going to give it you as straight as I can. I haven't worked out at the gym in a month (except for one trip on Thanksgiving with The Voice) yet I've miraculously kept the weight off. I'm hovering at 183 lbs. which makes my total weight loss since August a colossal 20 lbs.! Ironically, that was my goal when I began sessions with the nutritionist a few months back.

My health benefits commence in January so I've already made an appointment to see the doctor and I'm confident he'll be absolutely impressed.

If not, I know I am! My next goal is 180 or 175 but taken in baby steps.

My secret?

Having a boyfriend!

Nah, for real, the late nights at work, my hectic school schedule, the busy weekends and once-a-day meals are the most significant factors. However, I was enrolled in a nutrition course during the spring (2008) semester and currently concerned that I'm not getting the proper dietary supplements. While on winter break, I plan to return to the gym (starting Monday, Dec. 22nd) and endeavor to eat better.

So I'll keep you guys posted!

UPDATE: I initially wrote this entry a week ago and Monday, Dec. 22nd came and went. I’ve been exceedingly occupied with Christmas shopping and even endured some vehicular difficulties. I believe January might be a better time to return to the gym although it will be packed with New Year Resolution Makers.

All That Jazz!

2008-12-18T09:00:00.000-08:00

As promised, a clip from my jazz concert ...

This clip was taken by Java-Mama so don't go getting all critical about her video choregraphy skills or else I'll have to cut ya'll!

The video begins with me soloing on piano, followed by a sax solo and then a vocal solo (scatting). The song was "Nothing Personal" and does not feature lyrics; it was basically a jam song.
Oh, the hat I had on was borrowed from The Voice (was trying to be all cool and "hip"!)

It took forever to upload this to YouTube so hope you guys enjoy! :o)

At an awkwardly silent point during the concert, my barber yelled out, "GO K.C.!" Professor X responds on the mic, "Well, I guess, we know one student is getting an A!", to which everyone laughs. Man, it was nice to get that love and support!

After the concert, my family (Pops, Java-Mama, Rugrat), The Voice and his "tribe", former co-workers, Professor Hand Killer and friends presented me with flowers and a gift bag with a CD and a card they all signed! Talk about making my night!

Once again, thank you to everyone who attended and supported me! I appreciate this more than words can express ... :o)

Watch It, Bub!

2008-12-18T06:00:00.000-08:00

I'm a huge X-Men fan so I'm obviously tremendously excited about the X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) movie due out in May. And it ONLY TOOK THREE MOVIES before they featured everyone's favorite Cajun, Gambit! Furthermore, I think I saw a young Storm (the little girl with blond hair) but I'm not sure ... anyway, check it out:

Reading Corner: In Love With A Thug

2008-12-17T06:00:00.000-08:00

I finished reading In Love With A Thug by Reginald L. Hall about a two months ago so you'll have to pardon my memory when it comes to the characters and the storyline. I loaned my copy to The Voice so I'll double check my facts before the final post.

Well, well, after all the book reviews I've written, I have to say that I didn't really favor this particular African-American SGL novel. In retrospect, I extended the reading over an entire month and procrastinated even longer before writing this review. I think my subconscious was screaming something at me!

The basis of the story?

The main character, Julian Jiles (aka J.J) robs a bank with his lover, Darnell. His partner is killed in a police standoff and J.J. escapes with the money and forges a new life. He achieves his life-long dream of owning a hair salon named Ché Mystic and then meets a "swaggalicious" young thug named Bryant who seems just a bit too good to be true. Is Bryant the soul mate that J.J. wants and desires or is he hiding a more sinister agenda?

First things first: I am guilty of effemaphobia (took that word from an episode of Noah's Arc). I noticed a post on (click here: *Emerald Eye Entertainment*) regarding the treatment of feminine behaving men within the SGL community. The main character J.J. is extremely dynamic, shifting from masculine back to feminine in mere seconds. I've been getting over my distaste for fem men over the years so bear with me; I'm a work in progress. I have fem mannerism from time to time so who am I to criticize others? Furthermore, since I've come out and attended gay clubs and pride parades, my comfort level for the extreme (i.e. trannies, cross-dressing, etc.) has increased. Consequently, I've achieved maximum “comfortability” to the point I perform public displays of affection (PDA's).

Anyway, I'm digressing.

So after my initial distaste of the main character’s outward behavior, I eventually just found him shallow and stupid. I'm all for supporting the black SGL literary community however, they need to step their game up. Now, Lin, Fred (and E. Lynn), don't go getting your feathers ruffled up! Anyone who reads my blog knows I'm a martinet for grammar, spelling and all that jazz. In essence, the narration and grammar transported me back to my second grade classroom.

"Mrs. A?! Can I please go to the bathroom?? Pleeeeassee?!?!"

(Whoa, flashback!)

I think Hall is tremendously talented in crafting a storyline. Nevertheless, I maintain serious issue with the plot. For example, a major character was killed in front of J.J. and Hall neglected to expound on the personal impact upon him. If a really close friend of mine was murdered, I don't believe I'd contrive an evening date and act as if everything is perfectly normal. Furthermore, J.J. didn't even mention the murder to Bryant that night!

Conversely, I did enjoy Hall's use of famous characters peppered throughout the novel. Mary J. Blige, Alicia Keys and Lil' Kim are only a handful of celebrities that appear in the story. The first time I encountered this phenomenon, I chuckled, thinking, "He really wants me to take this seriously?" However, the more I read, the more I became accustomed to his writing style and actually discovered that I enjoyed it. Kudos on the creativity and inclusion of celebs!

Moreover, he included himself in the storyline at the beginning of the novel:

“A fire erupted in a North Philadelphia home tonight, Osama Bin Laden is still on the loose, and author Reginald L. Hall is still continuing to sell millions of books all across the country.” (Ch. 3, p. 15)

Terribly self-centered yet creative!

Lastly, my significant problem with J.J. was his self-depreciating personality. He endured beatings at the hands of lovers and then justified it as love! Ridiculous! Hall describes J.J. as being fiercely independent and prideful at the beginning of the story yet he debases himself around the men he dates. Simply put, J.J.’s personality best compares to a rollercoaster. This turned me off about halfway through the book and I found it a struggle to continue to end.

The denouement was exceptionally rushed and I while I won’t give anything away, I’ll simply say it was clichéd. I applaud Reginald Hall for his valiant effort however, if you are seeking insightful characters and deep meaning, I’d search elsewhere. The story is a great afternoon read; extremely entertaining, adventurous and a nice break from reality.

I haven’t read much African-American SGL fiction lately. I’ve transitioned back to reading Star Trek novels (I need to change my reading style every few months to keep from getting stale). I’m planning to order several African-American SGL novels over my winter break so be on the lookout for more Reading Corner then!

To Trek Or Not To Trek ... That Is The Question

2008-12-15T13:39:00.001-08:00

As you know, I'm a Star Trek fanatic however, I'm not terribly interested in the original series (i.e. Capt. Kirk, Spock, etc.) My initial reaction upon hearing the news that they were going to produce a contemporary movie based on TOS (The Original Series) was offense. I'm a conservative Trekker (if that makes any sense) and felt that remaking a classic pop culture icon such as Star Trek was disgraceful and insulting to the original series and actors.

However, I recently stumbled upon the new HD trailer for Star Trek XI (2009) and I have to say I'm quite impressed!

Nevertheless, I doubt I'll attend any screenings. I was going to boycott it but I have a feeling I'll be going solo. So I've decided to wait until it's on DVD and reserve judgement.

I'm aware that most of my readers are not ST fans but any thoughts on the trailer ... ?

Mr. Independent

2008-12-12T06:00:00.000-08:00

I'm hoping that someone out there can help me out right quick with a situation.

Since I've been dating The Voice, my family has experienced an interesting reaction. While they have accepted him with open arms, I believe they're going through "empty nest" syndrome and I'm not sure exactly how to respond.

My mother and I are extremely close and I share a lot of information regarding my personal, academic and professional life with her. I often seek out her advice and we dialogue for hours on various topics ranging from our favorite television shows to relationship advice. However, I've been away nearly every weekend for the past three months. I usually reside at The Voice's place and while it is only one town over, I rarely come home.

When I do return home, both Java-Mama and Pops make comments such as,

"oh, it's nice to see you finally!"

or

"I think you live here but I'm not sure ..."

I neglect to respond to their commentary however, I'm finding that I'm becoming more annoyed. I enjoy my time away from home and it's allowing me an eagle-eyed perspective on my living situation. I am less constrained and more self-reliant when I'm away. I'm beginning to feel as though they want me to remain stifled and restricted.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm always free to come and go. Nevertheless, when you live at home with your parents, you're still bound to certain responsibilities. I haven't helped out as much around the house and since Rugrat began his job, he works odd hours and isn't around much either.

I'm more independent than ever since I began this crazy journey with The Voice. While I do depend on my parents for certain things, I feel a need to detach myself. When I'm leaving for a long day (back to back school and work) they act as though I'm leaving on a three week vacation. Furthermore, when I depart on a Sunday night to stay with The Voice, my mom proceeds to hug me as if she'll never see me again. I appreciate the love but I sense an impact on our relationship. I'm concerned that his uber-independent personality may lead him to attempt extrication from my family situation.

Now that I’ve explained the circumstance, I’d like to know your thoughts …

Should I leave it alone and let things run their course naturally (i.e. let my parents adapt on their own terms) or should I try to impose my order on the situation?

Merry Christmas ... To Me!

2008-12-11T08:50:00.001-08:00

Last weekend, I got a new toy and who would've ever thought me, The Great K.C. (yes, thank you, thank you, yes, please hold your applause!), would break down and buy a (blah!) Apple product! I've been anti-iPod since day one and continue to utilize my Sony Walkman MP3 player. However, I've had my eye on the iPhone for the past few months. Furthermore, several of The Voice's friends possess iPhones and last Christmas, while shopping with Thai Guy, I toyed with one in the Apple store. Needless to say, it's been working on me for the past year!

So I got one! Trust, I'm in LOVE with my phone! My previous phones were bought as replacements (i.e. damaged, dropped, cracked, battery death, etc.) and I was coerced into getting something on the spot. This is the first phone I've owned that I can truly say:

"I wanted it just because!"

Plus, it's nice to be flashy and up with the latest trends. I'm utilizing nearly every feature and the sense of maturity I feel is amazing!

Nevertheless, if anyone out there has one, can you help a brotha out? There are some things about it that confuse me and I could use several pointers ...

The L Word

2008-12-07T23:36:00.000-08:00

"Love slipped from my lips, dripped down my chin and landed in his lap ... and us became new."

-- Jill Scott (Love Rain, Who Is Jill Scott?: Words and Sounds Vol. 1)

UMB Jazz Concert (12/9/08)

2008-12-04T13:35:00.001-08:00

The University of Massachusetts Jazz Band presents:

End of the Semester Jazz Concert

Tuesday, December 9th, 2008 at 7:30 PM

Snowden Auditorium in Wheatley Hall

Selected performances of Duke Ellington, Jobim, Count Basie and more! Music so good, it'll have you toe tappin', finger snappin' and maybe even wanna smack your momma! (not really recommended!) So come on out and support us!

Refreshments will be served following the concert.

Weekend of Thanks

2008-12-02T08:57:00.000-08:00

Has everyone had enough turkey yet?! I'm just about sick of it! Java-Mama carved up the remainder of the turkey and concocted soup. Nonetheless, a "rose by any other name is still a rose!" and turkey, no matter how it's prepared is still turkey!

How was your Thanksgiving? Relaxing, I hope ...

I departed work earlier on Thanksgiving Eve and went to my baby's crib. Thanksgiving morning, we proceeded to the gym and I ran about 6 miles. Afterwards, I chilled at home and managed to catch up on some personal items. Pops wasn’t feeling well so Java-Mama, Rugrat and myself finished preparing the meal. Nevertheless, we had an exceptional dinner. Later on, I dropped by J-Dub's house and hung out with The Voice and his close friends/family. We sat around laughing, joking and sipping on pumpkin martinis while watching Beauty Shop.

The Voice stayed over my house. I permitted him to sleep in my bed (I only have a twin) and I settled on an air mattress. The next morning, we made breakfast (grits, eggs, bacon, pancakes, biscuits, and toast) for my family. My man can really throw down in the kitchen and there ain’t nothing sexier than a guy who can cook!

Therewithal, we went mattress shopping (his mattress is in bad shape) and after several stops, we eventually settled on decent one for a reasonable price. Unfortunately, it will be delivered this coming weekend so we have to endure back pain for several more nights. It was truly pleasant to shop with him on such a significant purchase. Furthermore, we were in a furniture store browsing through sofas, bedroom and dining sets, discussing how our apartment would look and who would decorate which room.

I went to work Friday night but returned at 3 AM and snuggled with him until the first rays of Saturday light dawned. After a trip to the barbershop, I took him to one of my four alma maters (yeah, I’ve been to four schools - and?) We toured Nashua, New Hampshire and Daniel Webster College. I hadn't been back to my school in years and quite a few changes had taken place. Many memories flooded back and I cherished being able to share them with him.

He got one of his tattoos touched up over in Salem and then I drove like the wind to Boston to check out Eddie Griffin at the Wilbur Theater (Comedy Connection). Ole dude was CRAZY funny and we had moderately appropriate seats in the front, albeit somewhat smothering. Eddie spoke about Obama, starving kids in Africa, Richard Pryor, Bernie Mac, his family and a wide range of topics.

As we left the theater, The Voice was virtually run down by a car and I stood by, completely paralyzed. He cussed the driver out (who turned without using a signal) and when we finally reached the parking garage, I almost broke down. Essentially, I realize he means a lot to me but the possibility of death or serious injury was too great for me to bear. When we got back to the house, we lay in bed watching The Reaping until he drifted off to sleep in my arms. I came mere inches to losing my angel and I wasn't about to release him that night.

Sunday we attended a Thanksgiving buffet hosted by a motherly friend of The Voice. She absolutely adores me (as did most of her guests) and said we made a handsome couple. We brought her flowers and wine as a contribution to the meal and I had an amazing time. Afterward, we did laundry and then relaxed at my house. Java-Mama and Pops pulled out the family photo albums and took a trip down memory lane which included a picture of Baby K.C. with my a** caught in the bars of the crib!

And no! I'm not scanning it and putting it on my blog! LOL

All in all, I had a spectacular weekend. Some laughs, scares, memories and some really spectacular food! The Voice flies out of town this week and I'm focusing on my class presentation that is due Friday. Furthermore, my Jazz Concert is next Tuesday evening (12/9) and my jury is next Friday (12/12) so I've got a LOT of practicing to do this week/weekend. Seeing my baby this weekend will be a sweet reward for all this hard work!

Have a great week everyone!

I Gotta Man ...

2008-11-28T23:35:00.000-08:00

I haven't prepared a weekend update in a minute. However, it was an excellent weekend so I felt compelled to write about it.

Friday: After work, I arrived at The Voice’s apartment sometime around 3 AM. I hadn't seen my baby all week (he was out of town on business) so I was more than anxious to be in his company. As Akon states in his newest single, "I miss you much!"

Saturday: We spent the majority of the morning in bed, relaxing and catching up while he twisted his locks. Soon after, we made our debut as a couple at the barbershop (ironically, we went to the same barber for years and never encountered one another!) Later, we stopped by Qdoba's for some grub and then went our separate ways. The Voice returned to NH with his friends to obtain an additional tattoo.

Later that evening, we met at an event in Woburn that screamed "King of the Hill" all over it! His friend's friend's rock band was performing at a VFW post and we (four of us) were the only African-American's in the joint ... not that I have a problem with it. However, once the white folk started country dancing while intoxicated (they can't really dance when they're sober either!), we were all set.

Our diminutive entourage journeyed to the Roxy and got our drink and dance on. I hadn't been out in a while and was really looking forward to this. Furthermore, I had never been to the Roxy so I found the evening quite fascinating. The club is a renovated ballroom featuring a massive dance floor, high ceilings, and an enormous bar which dominates the rear of the club. The combination of flashing lights, strobes, colors, and the primped up boys transported me into an episode of Queer As Folk (Think: Babylon).

After swallowing a few more drinks, I was ready to f*** get into the groove. While The Voice and his friend roamed the hall, I danced with their other mutual friend until they returned. Subsequently, we danced together for a while until another entourage merged with ours. One guy from Entourage B (EB) broke rank, stepped to me and introduced himself as politely as possible above the blaring music. He flashed a flirtatious smile and endeavored to dance with me. I was instantly thrilled (I've never actually been hit on while at a club) but I possessed the one previously deficient factor while at a club: a man.

It was time to pull out my ace and fold.

While dancing, I worked my way over to The Voice and slipped my hands around his slim waist, grabbing him closely from behind. Our hips were in synchronous motion, my lips brushing the hairs on his neck and we embraced tightly. The music, our lust, the heat, our passion and connection drove me to kiss him. Needless to say, Flirti-Boi grooved his a** to the other side of the club.

Man, did that feel great!

By the end of the evening, I was highly inebriated (as was The Voice) so a member of Entourage A (EA) drove my car while The Voice rode with his other friend. Now, when I get tipsy, I feel the need to confess … and so began an episode of Taxi-Cab Confessions!

Did you really think I was going to tell you knowing full well The Voice reads my blog?! LOL Sorry guys, this one’s staying confidential! However, I said a lot of marvelous things regarding The Voice and trust me, when the time is right, I'll let everyone in on it!

Sunday: After a late night injury (I sprained my thumb and that’s not good when you're a pianist), we tackled our hangovers. The Voice suffered worse than me so it was a particularly quiet day. After a stop at Irie's Restaurant (they offer Jamaican cuisine), we spent the evening at my house. The Voice napped and we watched the season finale of True Blood together. I've got various theories concerning that show but I'll make a special entry for my television shows this upcoming weekend (I've got a LOT of shows on DVR that I need to catch up on).

All in all, it was good weekend, because there wasn't one argument or disagreement between us. Our vibe is cementing and I sense we're quickly reaching that level where only a look encompasses total understanding.

I hope everyone's Thanksgiving was spectacular and I’ll see you on Monday! Have a great weekend!

Halo

2008-11-27T11:33:00.000-08:00

Last night, The Voice shared this song with me from the new Beyonce album. While he explained that the lyrics describe exactly how he's feeling about me, ironically, I'm feeling the same thing regarding him. I couldn't find this track on Playlist.com so I just posted a YouTube slideshow instead.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone!

Simply Fierce!

2008-11-21T10:48:00.000-08:00

This is exclusively for The Voice! It's growing on me baby ...

Have a wonderful weekend everybody! :o)

Beyonce - Single Ladies (New) [HQ]
Uploaded by wonderful-life1989

Give Thanks

2008-11-20T05:00:00.000-08:00

For the past few weeks I've been moping about, always concerned with what I don't have. I scrutinize other individuals and think, "wow, they've got the best job in the world!" or "why is it taking me so long to get my degree?" I study their clothes, cars, homes, affluence, vacations and conjecture deeply what went wrong with me.

Well, the Thanksgiving spirit has descended upon me and I'm removing my green contact lenses permanently. I'm continuously moaning and groaning about how busy I am or how time consuming my education and job are. I continually grumble about the late hours I'm working and the homework. Furthermore, I've even managed to find fault with my boyfriend.

I've decided to shut that personality component down for good.

While I'm pursuing my dream, I’ve become exceedingly blinded by greed and envy and lost sight of my blessings. For the longest time, I desired a boyfriend and God sent down The Voice. He is truly "heaven sent" and is helping to improve me with each passing day.

I quit my former occupation so I could achieve this degree. Music is life, it’s my passion. It consumes my soul and embraces my imagination. I am closer to God when I play the piano. There are a billion people in the world who would give anything to be in my shoes, chasing their long-lost dreams yet I am still discontented.

Consequently, I'm revealing to the world that I am incredibly thankful for the blessings that have been bestowed upon me. I possess a loving family, a compassionate, magnificent boyfriend and a job that pays well with great benefits. I'm in school, virtually a year from graduation and retain respectable friends who unfailingly have my back. I've a car, I’m not in substantial debt, I'm healthy, I'm skilled in art and music and most of all, simply blessed. There are much worse positions that I could be in.

I will no longer be concerned with how much wealth a person boasts or what fashions or gadgets they own. I'm going to "do me" and focus on my happiness. The Voice is infatuated with a song from T.I. called "Live Your Life" and even set it as his ringtone (I'm basically ready to smash his phone!) In the opening of the song, T.I. exclaims,

"… stop being concerned about what you don't got and be thankful for the things you do got"

Furthermore, part of the chorus says, "live your life, no telling where it will take you." I'm positioned on a monumental opportunity and it's time I started "living my life like it's golden."

Ultimately, I'm doing what I want to do and there are so many exhilarating opportunities waiting for me in the future. I may not become a great performer or a powerful record exec, but at least I know I'm living passionately. Toward the end of my life I will be able to say,

"I did it my way and had so much fun along the journey!"

With Thanksgiving approaching, who or what are YOU most thankful for?

I Did It!

2008-11-19T09:40:00.000-08:00

I want to let everyone know that I successfully passed the Writing Proficiency Requirement! I didn't have much doubt (I know that sounds cocky) but nearly all of the term papers I submitted were highly graded. Additionally, I have an exceptional comprehension of the English language (i.e. grammar, spelling).

Here is some background info about the WPE. It can be completed in two formats. The first selection allows you take a timed essay exam. The second option calls for a portfolio consisting of previous term papers from particular courses. I preferred the portfolio and submitted papers from my former Cross-Cultural Psychology, Western Civilization, Art survey and Introduction to Philosophy courses. Furthermore, I was required to write a new essay based on several readings.

The topic of these readings?

"Should the war on drugs end?"

I argued against the decriminalization of drugs however, I did support improved rehabilitation programs and allocation of resources in other areas instead of fighting a failing war (i.e. “the war on terror”).

Whomp, whomp, whomp, whomp ...

I wrote the 5 page paper within two days and procrastinated to the Nth degree. Moreover, I was screwed by a former professor who I sought after for certification on one of my essays. She never got back to me. Unfortunately, I mailed the paper to her home address and now I'll probably never see it again. While I wasn’t fond of her class, I still received an A. So what do I care?! Nevertheless, I dislike when an individual proclaims their assistance and never follows through. Sure, I’m guilty of it from time to time, but I strive particularly hard to "do unto others as I'd have them do unto me." Consequently, it didn’t say much for her teaching ethics.

The WPE is a requirement of all UMass Boston students regardless of their declared major. If a student does not pass the WPE, they can be suspended from the university and must enroll in a remedial English course. Thankfully, I will never experience those consequences.

The next significant hurdle I must complete is Quantitative Reasoning (essentially a math or statistics course). I'm taking Psychology 270: Statistics next semester which will satisfy my QR as well as my last Math requirement. After that, I will be finished with all my general education requirements and can focus 100 percent on my major!

All I Want For Christmas ...

2008-11-15T08:14:00.000-08:00

My family celebrates an annual tradition where we exchange Christmas wish lists in order to facilitate our retail experiences. However, we haven't really begun this tradition due in part to our struggling financial burdens. Rugrat began a new job only a few months ago while I left The Fund to pursue my degree full-time. Nevertheless, we're determined to observe some type of Christmas even if we only trade two or three presents per person. Honestly, I take pleasure in the holidays (especially Thanksgiving) with my family and have come to appreciate the years we’ve spent together. Moreover, that's a divine blessing than most families receive.

Consequently, I've begun planning what Christmas gifts to buy for my family, The Voice and his closest friends as well as my few friends and extended family.

So, does anyone have suggestions for a first Christmas gift for my boyfriend? I've never sustained a boyfriend during the holidays and I genuinely want to give from my heart. I'm usually romantic but I'm running on mental empty (I'm typing this post during my break period at work ... so it's about 1 AM on a Saturday morning … you try focusing!).

For my own list, I'm thinking about books (Star Trek, black gay fiction ... the wish list is on Amazon), DVD's (Noah's Arc, Star Trek TNG Series), an iPhone, gift cards to shop for clothes as well as a digital music composition program. Additionally, posters, CD's and some new workout gear would be nice too. I'm definitely NOT in the Christmas spirit yet. I know it probably has something to do with Thanksgiving not having occurred yet.

Nevertheless, I think I've received just about everything I want for Christmas encompassed in The Voice. I've heard people say that all the time but for real y'all, he's got me wanting for nothing.

So what do you want for Christmas? What are you getting for your friends/family/significant others?

That Hump

2008-11-14T10:04:00.000-08:00

I thought I was strong, however I nearly lost it all yesterday.

School.

My boyfriend.

Work.

Sanity.

All my "baffle them with your bull**** " finally caught up to me yesterday during jazz band rehearsal.

Java-Mama has repeatedly expressed concern that I was allocating far too much time toward The Voice. Naturally, I objected. Nevertheless, she was right (as mother’s usually are). I don't spend enough time practicing and let me tell you, when you're a music major, practicing consumes your life, your soul, your heart, your all.

However, I didn't heed the musicians credo and paid the ultimate penalty.

The professor for jazz band (aka Professor X) subtly stressed that the band is "only as strong as it's weakest link." Now, I'm a man who admits to his mistakes and endures the consequences. Whether they involve torture, pain, or simply a fine or bad grade, I'll own up to my faults. Naturally, I admitted to both Professor X and Hand Killer that I haven't been practicing like I should.

Professor X said, "the next five rehearsals are extremely crucial for our final concert and if you don't have your solos and parts down now, you'll be sitting on stage either jamming or looking like a fool."

Honestly, I'm extremely competitive and self-conscious when it comes to my talent. I‘ve been playing organ since I was six and self-taught myself piano around the age of nine just by watching the church musicians. I've performed at hundreds of functions throughout my life so stage fright isn’t an issue. I've become very confident in my skills throughout the years.

Consequently, I've also become incredibly self-critical and sensitive to errors when I perform. I was extremely embarassed when put on blast in front of the band however, I have no one to blame but myself. Simply put, I didn't practice so I got mud thrown in my face.

Amalgamate this incident with a few less significant frustrations throughout the day and thus a recipe for K.C's World Famous Pity Parties resulted. I considered giving up school, my job (I'm still adjusting) and even splitting with my boyfriend. Of course, I wouldn't really have given up all those things, especially The Voice, but when I feel my back is against the wall, I revert to my immature personality.

Fortunately, Java-Mama talked with me (via our crappy AT&T phones) and suggested a solution.

Get organized!

Duh!

Now, I'm intelligent. I've a 3.7 GPA, I've received copious awards, been accepted into several honors societies and excelled at nearly every occupation I've had, yet this thought never actually crossed my mind. She proposed drafting a weekly schedule and distributing my time more sensibly. Obviously, that is challenging when you're exceedingly infatuated with someone and crave the maximum time feasible with him. Our weekends are often spontaneous and impulsive and numerous modifications occur in our pre-determined agenda.

Furthermore, my frustrations derive from my indecisive post-collegiate career plans. However, we've got time to discuss that issue in profundity on another post.

The point I'm making is that I need to get organized. I ought to really arrange my time more prudently. I've never retained a full-time job while attending school full-time all while building a relationship. Additionally, I enjoy being busy. While these responsibilities give me a significant sense of maturity, juggling my time is more arduous than I anticpated. I can no longer practice at the last minute and I can no longer skimp on sleep for work.

The Voice sent me a text message earlier saying that perhaps he “need(s) to back off” and let me focus on school. My response? "No, that's not what I want; I simply require allocating my time more sagaciously."

So I'm inquiring among all my fellow bloggers out there:

1. How do you allocate your time and responsibilities?

2. Do you find it easy or hard?

3. Do you have any tips on how to successfully balance the "Big Three" in my life?

If I could get over that hump,
Then maybe I will feel better
Maybe I won't fall
If I could get over that hump,
Then maybe I will ...

(That Hump - Erykah Badu, New Amerykah: Part One 4th World War)

Never Felt This Way

2008-11-13T13:49:00.000-08:00

So, I've finally admitted it to myself ... I'm falling hard and fast for The Voice!

For those readers who are unaware, I met a distinguished man who I've dubbed The Voice at a Labor Day weekend party and we've been seeing each other incessantly throughout the past two and a half months (but who's counting?!) And what a journey these past two and a half months have been!

The Voice is unlike anyone I've dated due in part to his tremendous maturity. After all this time, he continues to grow more thoughtful and caring with each passing day and has me considering the future in unexpected ways.

To recap, he treated me to Cirque du Soleil for my birthday. I returned the favor and set up a weekend filled with Cheesecake Factory, the Hilton, and a jazz club for his post-natal day. Aside from special events, I typically enjoy the trivial things he does on a day to day basis.

For example, spending a weekend helping his best friend's mother move or doing laundry together on Election Night (we were horsing around while doing it but who cares). I've been accepted among his intimate circle of friends such to the point that he and I are taking his friends’ daughters to see How The Grinch Stole Christmas: The Musical next month.

I’ve spent my weekends going out to eat, watching him get a tattoo (none for me thanks!), going to birthday parties or just chilling at his crib with his roommates.

Each weekend results in a total adventure and makes the separation a bit more unbearable.

And now for the great segue ...

(drum roll please ... )

I am not thrilled about our regular partings and this has led to several arguments concerning his new job. He assumed a managerial position at a non-profit group that requires him to travel weekly on flights out of state. Furthermore, starting in January, he's considered remaining away for several months since the travel is extremely taxing. When he accepted the position, I was elated for him and didn't have much say concerning his life however, he's repeatedly stressed that I've become an important factor in his life. Unfortunately, this led to a series of rolling arguments that progressed over the last two weekends.

No worries, we've patched things up, and we're working hard to start a relationship. This concept is new to both of us (we’ve both only dated guys for a few months at a time). Moreover, The Voice has me thinking about moving out. I'm at his house nearly every weekend; I'm beginning to feel like a visitor in my own home!

Nevertheless, that nagging inner worry-wart has me wondering if I'm truly ready for this. I've prayed for someone to come into my life and while it wasn't necessarily the most ideal time, I'm opening up daily to the idea of a true and honest relationship. Still, I'm afraid of my past self. I fear my previous mistakes and the infatuation that saturated my common sense. Everyone on both sides believes we're a excellent match yet I can't help but speculate.

I can be exceptionally immature at times. I have copped attitudes and had to check myself when I became too "snippy" toward him. We're learning how to communicate with each other as well as adapt, adjust, and accommodate our ways. We've been on this earth nearly 30 years apiece and it's not easy to go from

"I don't need anyone, I can do this myself!"

to

"I'm in a relationship, and I need to respect and consider my partner."

I don't expect I'll get this overnight. I'm incredibly intellectual and extremely passionate and empathetic with a enormous penchant for romance. I know I can do this! Furthermore, this “wonderful-ness” is facilitated by The Voice who has fast become my rock and truly my better half. When I'm frustrated or down, he is there. And when he gets very bossy and stubborn, I have checked him and kept him grounded.

So, I’m going to give it a shot; I think it’ll work.

Scratch that.

I know we’ll succeed!

Heaven Sent

2008-11-12T10:00:00.000-08:00

I swear I feel the spirit everytime you I look at you
Cause I know that God is moving in my life
There's a certain type of healing every time you look at me
And I know the feelings neither wrong nor right

Chorus:
It's very evident that you are heaven sent
It's very evident
It's very evident that you are heaven sent
It's very evident

Looking at the sun is like looking at your face
It blinds me sometimes
Laying on your chest is like being in the council of the angel my God

Chorus

I'm riding with an angel on a wave of love
I'm riding so high, riding with an angel

(Heaven Sent - Donnie, The Colored Section)

100

2008-11-11T07:00:00.000-08:00

I finally made it!

When I began this blog several months ago, I never envisioned I would talk to my favorite authors and meet interesting people. Furthermore, I never imagined I would reach 100 posts!

I thought to myself, "I really don't know what I'm going to write about; I don't have a lot on my mind ... "

Since I returned to school, I haven't had the time to keep up with my blog in the manner I'd prefer. However, rest assured, that will change! I finally got my laptop and I'm discovering the joy of wi-fi so I can update my blog from school, at my boyfriend's house, at work or just wherever! Moreover, I purchased a 250 GB portable hard drive which maintains all my personal files from my home computer so hopefully you all will be hearing from me ... a lot!

To My People ...

2008-11-04T21:15:00.000-08:00

... WE DID IT!!!!!!!

Here I Am ...

2008-10-31T13:19:00.000-07:00

Wow, I can't believe it's been so long since I've written on my blog!

First and foremost, my apologies to all my followers, readers and commentators. Obviously, school comes first but still, I have to say I missed you guys!

Now, it's been several weeks and a LOT, I mean GAZILLIONS of things have occurred in my life so I'm only going to touch on the most significant items such as school, work, The Voice, friends, family, and ME!

School: We finally passed the mid-term and there’s only a few more weeks to go (thank God!) The intensity in Jazz Band has increased. I've missed a few classes but I’ve managed to persevere. Our group chemistry is coalescing but we've quite a way to go before our final concert. By the way, our public concert is December 9th, at 7:30 PM on campus so just putting that out there! I'm also setting up a link to our band's blog page.

The Ear Training / Music Theory classes are becoming a bit more difficult. I mainly want to get to the next level, weed out the non-music majors and get into the serious business! BTW, I played in front of the class and everyone loved it; seemed to make a few more friends on campus and whether I like it or not, I've created a reputation.

My Haydn piece is coming along positively nicely and Professor Hand Killer has given me a new classical piece (Schubert) to work on. I'm extremely saturated with music this semester. Sometimes I think I hate music ...

Work: I finally got a job! I'm going to be working for Quest Diagnostics, Inc. and my hours will be 6 PM until 2 AM. I know, I know, I'll probably be a “dead brotha walking” by 2009 but so are the sacrifices I must make. It's a full-time position, with great benefits and the pay is MUCH better than my old job. I'm relieved to have a job now so I can return to the doctor, buy what I want and need (i.e. iPhone, clothes, laptop, etc.), and get Christmas presents for everyone! I'll let you know more after orientation next week ...

The Voice: Well, well, well ... what can I say? This man has made me the happiest I've ever been in my life. He has my highs, my lows, my ups, my downs, my heart, my soul, my mind and my ear. When he's away, his absence is nearly unbearable. My weekends have been exceedingly busy and a constant whirlwind of poetry clubs, dance clubs, meeting his friends, shopping, dining out and simply hanging out. We recently passed our two month anniversary this past Thursday and what a crazy two months it has been! I possess three teddy bears, roses (he surprised me the other day at Outback), and a ton of memories. I feel as though I’ve known him my entire life!

For his birthday weekend, I checked him into the Hilton at Logan Airport, left two roses on the bed, champagne chilling on ice, a box of honey roasted cashews (yeah, he has strange tastes) and treated him like royalty. I purchased tickets to see Roy Hargrove at Scullers Jazz Club. Overall, each weekend becomes better than the last ...

Consequently, there is so much I've omitted on account of length (I could drone on and on for pages) but trust me y'all, he's captured my heart unlike any other man! BTW, my parents and friends have approved! Furthermore, there is more I'd like to discuss about The Voice but we'll save that for another post ...

Friends: Thai Guy has been going through some difficult times so I ask you all to keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

The Divo is nearing the end of his collegiate journey and I'm soooo very proud of him!

I'm contemplating one last attempt to reach out to D.G. I really miss her friendship. I know I'm stubborn (as a mule) but I also don't want 10 years of friendship to be dismissed just because of some stupid a** s***! I'll put up a post about her and you guys let me know what I should do ... okay?

Family: My cousin, The Black Elephant, has been added to my blog so check his page out when you get a moment! Yes, he's a Republican but if you are mature enough to remain open-minded, you'll find he's quite engaging!

Pops was in the hospital a few weeks back but he’s doing much better now. He's home and driving us all up a wall.

Rugrat got a job at Home Depot so I don't see much of him these days. He and The Voice have an ongoing rivarly (harmless banter) but it's resulted in Rugrat dubbing him the Predator (so named for his dread locks similar to the beasty from the movie). I suppose this means Rugrat approves.

And last but not least ...

ME: The most important aspect of this blog (that's a fact!) I'm down to 189 pounds and The Voice has encouraged me to return to the gym.

I ordered a laptop this week. I should have it next week and maybe I'll be able to keep up with my blog while at school or during my breaks at work.

I was in a car accident on Monday (there goes my spotless driving record!) however, I'm doing okay. This foreigner (I'll be P.C.) decided to stop upon merging with traffic. I slammed on my brakes and managed to stop but the vehicle behind me rear-ended mine. When we all got out to exchange papers, the foreigner took off. One of the girls in the truck behind me managed to get his license plate number but the state trooper told us he wasn't able to get anything on this guy. Oh well, I guess I'll sit back and watch my premiums go up! Oh yeah, my baby is fine, a few scratches to the bumper but that's about it. The other SUV? Lost a headlight and the hood was all jacked up. It seems Ford Escape's plastic bumpers are tougher than they look!

I visited the Fund today with The Voice as a way to close that chapter of my life; I'm ready to move on to Quest. I'm a bit apprehensive about the new job but I'm sure I'll be all right. I'm excited about juggling a full-time job and school as well as dating (I see our bond growing more profound and solid every week). I feel more mature as the days pass but still can't shake those misgivings I've spoken about in my past postings regarding the direction of my life ...

:: sigh ::

We'll see what happens as I take it one day at a time ... have a good weekend everyone! :o)

WPE

2008-10-20T05:23:00.000-07:00

I've got my Writing Proficiency Portfolio (click here for more info) due on Friday, October 24th. It's a requirement of all UMass Boston students regardless of major that must be submitted by the completion of 75 credits.

The consequences of not completing this?

Suspension.

I need to really focus this week and get this out of the way so I'll return over the weekend. I know, I know, I keep saying I'll post but I swear it! If I don't, I'll give you my home address and you all can personally hunt me down and kick my butt! :o)

Mr. Carter's Opus

2008-10-16T06:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, in my Eartraining / Sightsinging class, we had a few guests. Several high school students from the Noonan Business Academy in Boston visited to observe college courses. Most of the students were minorities (black and brown) and girls outnumbered boys. Overall, the teens were exceedingly intrigued by our class.

In an Eartraining / Sightsinging course, an individual is exposed to various pitches and required to identify the interval and know it's relation to other pitches, as well as read music quickly, grasp complex rhythm patterns, sing on key without the assistance of an instrument and recognize major and minor scales.

We have an extremely outgoing professor who made them feel really comfortable. He even got a few chuckles out of them when they tried to copy our musical exercises (they were kinda off key).

Toward the end of the class, he inquired about feedback and one of the young students made a statement that caught my attention.

"I've never been in a music class before."

My heart sunk ten levels.

As a musician, I believe there is no greater joy than music. The reality of this scientifically mathematical world descended upon me like a blue whale from the heavens. I haven't been in an elementary or high school in years but I have first person knowledge from acquaintances who completed high school lately. The recent emphasis is on state comprehensive exams (MCAS) that require students to display superior math and science skills before graduation. I understand that in the contemporary international market, we Americans need to step up our game. We are competing on a global level in technologically advanced fields. Still, art and music are as significantly important for human development. I'm not requiring that these students read music but they should at least be exposed to the basic theories.

Ergo (my favorite word lately), I've decided the direction of my academic career (yes, it's a career, especially after 13 semesters!) I want to look into music education. I know I need a graduate degree for that but hell, after this long, what's a few more years? I will talk to my professors and get some information. I want to know what inspired their respective career choices. What is their background in the industry? How did they get their start?

The phrase uttered by that student has haunted me all night and still weighs heavily on my mind. I assert that one’s purpose in life is to help somebody, love somebody, and to teach somebody ... I can't leave this earth until one of those purposes is fulfilled.

There is so much artistic talent waiting to be unlocked.

I believe I am the key.

Where In The World Is K.C.?

2008-10-09T06:37:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone!

The rumors of my demise are quite exaggerated! Trust. I'm still kicking! LOL

My apologies to my regular readers (and followers ... when'd that happen!?) however, I've been extremely busy with school and of course with my boyfriend, The Voice.

There is a boatload to catch up on.

A preview: The Voice's birthday, class, job opportunities, The Diamond Diva, The Hilton, Philadelphia, breakfast in bed, jazz clubs and much, much more!

I have some free time on Saturday so I'm going to try my hardest to line up some posts and let you know what's been happening in my world ... thanks for all the comments and like Trey Songz said:

'Cause I don't want to leave (Ooo girl)
But I gotta go right now
I'll be back to hold you down (I don't wanna)
I don't want to leave no
But girl I gotta go right now
But I'll be back before you know it

(Trey Songz: Gotta Go - I Gotta Make It)

I'll see you guys on Saturday!

My Addiction

2008-09-29T04:40:00.000-07:00

Happy (Rainy) Monday morning everyone ... it's been a quick minute since I've posted and most of that I blame on school but the rest on The Voice (LOL!). I think the video below sums up the past two weeks with him.

Nevertheless, I have a LOT I need to get off my chest. Everything from my school/work update, my workout update, my television updates (Desperate Housewives, ER, SVU, etc.) as well as needing some advice on The Voice. So hopefully I'll have a good post or two up this week. Have a great week everyone!

Ryan Leslie (Feat. Cassie & Fabolous) - Addiction [ver.2]
Uploaded by BlackAndree

I Wish A MoFo Would!

2008-09-23T10:00:00.000-07:00

This is specifically for The Voice ... an oldie but a goodie!

... Just a few more days baby ...

Certified Honest Blogger

2008-09-23T04:00:00.000-07:00

I'm an honest blogger! Never had a doubt in my mind since I've always kept everything here absolutely, 100% true.

So big thanks to Young, Black and DL for the recognition!

When I began this blog, I was innocent, pure, uncorrupted. After several book review posts, I was contacted by L.M. Ross and Frederick Smith. Initially, I was deeply concerned because I had written some "not-so-nice" things in reference to their novels and was worried that I had offended them. Consequently, I learned that I had to remain true to myself and write from my heart and soul.

As The Voice would say, "Life's too short to be worried about what other people think."

After that, there's nothing else to add. So here are the rules:

1.) When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it, with the name of who has given it to you, and link them back.

2.) Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or more) that you find brilliant in their content or design.

3.) Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing they were nominated as an 'Honest Weblog.'

4.) Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you gave the prize (optional).

5.) And then pass it on!

Now I've seen other bloggers with this award, and some I have included an additional 6th rule ...

6.) Write 10 honest things about yourself (optional).

Okay, my obvious top choice for honest blogging is Young, Black and DL (Young, Black, and Downlow) since he's consistently keeping it real. His stories / adventures are highly interesting and snap me out of my reality for a little while. While I don't always agree with his ways, I respect him for his honesty.

My choices for bloggers who have brilliant content and design (and honesty) are as follows:

Fuzzy (I wonder ...)
shawnqt (//dreams in a fitted//)
Cash S (Finally Seeing G)
deonte'k (Deonte' K's Spot)
Xem VanAdams-Lumumba (*Emerald Eye Entertainment*)
KR (BPS 2.0)

While Young, Black and DL didn't do the 10 honest things about himself, I am going to step out on the runway and strut my stuff!

1. I am extremely introverted and self-conscious (click here for more).
2. I'm a crossword fanatic (surprised I didn't get fired from work after all the puzzles I did).
3. I actually want to visit Ireland some day (yeah, I know, black people don't usually say that!)
4. Since Young, Black and DL blew up my spot, I was celibate for over three years (obviously, not anymore).
5. I'm a huge mythology buff and even crafted a make-believe television series (e.g. Buffy, Angel, Charmed) during my free-time.
6. I can be massively arrogant from time to time.
7. I occasionally find some women sexually attractive even though I consider myself SGL and haven't dated a woman since 2001.
8. I hardly ever finish anything I start (MANY unfinished projects lying around the house!)
9. I'm a major procrastinator.
10. As much love as I have for my people(s), I sometimes get embarrassed by black (and SGL) people.

Damn, that was hard! I really had to dig deep and let me tell you, being honest with yourself isn't the easiest thing in the world. There are things you really don't want to admit and other things you would rather not share with the world but I had to remember that's what my blog is about: becoming beautifully human.

The End Is Near

2008-09-22T03:00:00.000-07:00

This semester is moving along quite swiftly and believe me, I'm counting the semesters, months, days, hours, seconds until I can get my degree and BOUNCE!

For those individuals living under a rock, I left my cushy five year plus office job (with benefits) to attend school full-time. Many of the courses I require for my major are only offered during the day so I had to make a difficult decision.

Obviously I chose school.

This semester, I'm taking Ear Training / Sightsinging I and Music Theory I as well as participating in Jazz Band. I’m also taking private lessons. My private instructor, Professor Hand Killer, allowed me to skip Keyboard I (she teaches that course) due to my advanced skills (DUH! I mean, like, I've only, like, been playing the piano, like, for over, like, twenty years!) I also wish I had skipped Theory I and Ear Training I since I know a lot of the material and thus far, I’m finding it WAY to easy. While it's too late to drop it, I'm utilizing it as a refresher course and I'm sure I'll get an easy A out of this.

The Jazz Band is another story. All music majors are required to take six semesters of performance ensemble and since the other options were Chamber Singing or Chorus -- well, you get the idea. The course isn't as easy as I thought. The professor has me learning some really difficult piece (click here) which he wants me to play at the beginning of EVERY class! (sigh) However, I'm making friends fast and it'll be fun to play alongside horns as well as talented singers and musicians. Our final performance is in early December and since my jazz skills are crap, I've got to bust my a** like never before!

The Haydn piece, Piano Sonata in E minor, H.XVI, Opus 34, 1st movement, (click here: first three minutes are what I have to learn) that I'm performing for the jury at the end of the semester is also coming along really well! I’ve finished learning it and my fingers are swollen from all the hard practicing I've put in. I'm extremely determined to get higher marks this semester.

Being on campus during the day is exceedingly overwhelming. I have been at UMass for over a year, however I took courses through the Continuing Education Department so many of the classes were at night, on weekends or off-campus. Furthermore, I had many older students so the atmosphere was more mature. Unfortunately, the courses I'm enrolled in this semester are populated with freshmen and sophomores and many younger students. I feel as if I'm in my first year of college again; many of the students are running their mouths, joking around and asking obnoxious questions. I miss the previous semesters but I can't dwell on that: I have to remain focused.

The good news ... I did the calculations and it seems I may be eligible for a spring of 2010 commencement. After this semester, I'll have over 80 credits and you need 120 to graduate. If I attend full-time during every semester, I'll be done quickly! There are a few variables that I'm still not certain about. Nevertheless, I'm about 90% sure I can be finished by 2010, give or take an extra semester. I really want to walk the stage. I know my family would be proud to see me walk so I'm working exceptionally hard to finish by 2010.

I'm still not sure what I want to do after graduation. Even before I met The Voice, I had considered graduate school. A few of my friends either have their masters or are considering getting it. However, I'm not 100% sure what I want to do in the music industry. I have considered working in A&R or marketing and even flirted with the idea of being a teacher. Nevertheless, I know that possessing a higher degree looks better and hopefully opens more doors. Still, I can't go jumping that broom yet. I must continue my focus on getting the BA first and then we'll talk!

Movie Night

2008-09-17T21:37:00.000-07:00

So did everyone enjoy their weekend? (yeah, I know, I’m late!)

I relaxed a bit and (of course) got to know The Voice better ...

Friday: I went out with a few friends while The Voice went out to a club/party with his friends. It was nice to hang since I don't want to neglect my good friends, plus I needed a break from The Voice. We went to the Cheesecake Factory on Wednesday night and I gave him a ride home on Thursday night. After I got home, I worked on a song (while tipsy) I wrote several years ago titled September Love and got a few more lines written. I reckon I'll be 82 years old by the time I finish composing this song!

Saturday: I had the laziest morning possible. Spent the afternoon / evening with The Voice at the gym (see previous post). Oh yeah, I got my first ever parking ticket! Damn! I know I'm experiencing a lot of "firsts" with The Voice but c'mon, I wasn't hoping that would be one of them.

We decided to have movie night at his crib so ordered food from Texas Roadhouse (he was feening for some more catfish!) and then went to Blockbuster. We rented The Lost Boys: The Tribe, Meet The Browns, First Sunday and Vantage Point. Needless to say, The Voice slept through most of them (mmmm-hmmmmm!). We swooped up our food, then bedded down for the night. His roommates were out so we had the place to our self. We watched the movies while we chowed down and let me tell you, after an eight mile run, that steak was food sent from heaven!

First Sunday: Didn't care for it, wasn't as funny as I thought it would be. It had a nifty message but was still corny as hell. I'm also not a Tracy Morgan fan and Katt Williams was beginning to annoy me!

Vantage Point: LOVED IT! I got sucked right into it and had my eyes glued to the TV until the end! The Voice? Slept through it.

The Lost Boys: The Tribe: I'm not a fan of horror flicks but I make the exception for vampire movies (I’ve seen all the great ones) so we watched half later that night and then the rest the next morning. I'm ambivalent about this one. I thought the vamp make up towards the end was a blatant rip-off from Angel and Buffy (I'm a hardcore fan) and the storyline was very uninspiring. It was like spring break with vamps. In essence, thongs, boobs and fangs.

I haven't seen Meet The Browns so I'll probably check it out then next time I'm over his place.

Sunday: We lay in bed most of the morning talking about all sorts of stuff until I had to leave for my second job. When I returned, The Voice was in the process of dressing for the arts festival we were going to attend. However, we ran late and truthfully didn't feel up to it. So we lay in bed (again) watching Primeval and True Blood while enjoying our remaining time together.

Later that evening, my family and I went to Smokey Bones to celebrate both my Pop's birthday and mine (the same day). Once again, I stepped out my element and ordered baby back ribs and enjoyed each and every one! On the way back, I stopped by The Voice's place to pick up something I had left and then stayed up chatting with Java-Mama until 1 AM.

Monday: Dragging, dragging, dragging! I hope Tuesday is better (it was). Had a pop quiz (ugh!) and while I got an A on the test from Friday, I wasn't prepared for this one. I need to buckle down more (I'll talk about school more in another post). Moreover, I start a campus job / work study next week so I know I'm going to really feel it!

Have a great week everyone!

K.C.'s Workout Plan (Pt. 7)

2008-09-15T21:01:00.000-07:00

My weight loss is proceeding quite nicely and I'm happy to report I'm hovering around 195 (on a good day!) It's definitely not an easy goal to achieve but I'm working at it slowly. Nevertheless, since returning to school, I'm finding it harder and harder to maintain a well-balanced diet. I don't like cafeteria food (haven't eaten it since high school) so I make my own lunches or go to Subway.

Furthermore, I attained a rather sweet milestone this past weekend! Saturday evening, The Voice and I went to the Seaport Hotel's corporate fitness center at the Waterfront. First of all, I'm not sure I even want to go back to Bally's after going there! The locker room looked like some fancy hotel room or designer closet with wooden cabinet style lockers, mag-locks, carpeting, mirrors and other amenities. The showers featured shampoo and conditioner and every client received a complementary towel. And the treadmills? I actually had my own television!

Maaan, a brotha could get used to that real fast!

Okay, back to the milestone. The Voice is a more seasoned runner as he has participated in the Boston Marathon and as well as shorter races throughout the New England area. I didn't want to compete with him but somehow I ended up running for an hour and half and averaged about eight and a half miles! Normally, I can maintain five miles but his presence (and my slightly competitive nature) drove me further than ever before! Trust, my sore leg muscles are my own personal testament to how hard I pushed!

Anyway, I'll let you guys know where I stand by the time I go back to the nutritionist in a few weeks ... keep your fingers crossed for me!

My Birthday (Part 3)

2008-09-12T14:36:00.000-07:00

At 1 AM, I hopped in my car and cruised around. I called a friend and vented and he gave me some really good advice. You see, I'm not an outgoing person and I was concerned The Voice got the wrong impression after the party last weekend. The Voice called me a few times concerned and I returned around 2 AM after everyone was gone. I didn't want to bring up my "baggage" but he was insistent that I tell him what was going on.

I confessed and he reassured me that he likes me the way I am, whether I'm outgoing or not (duh! obviously he does or else he wouldn’t still be chilling with me!) He held my face in his hands and told me that I need to stop worrying about every little thing, stop analyzing everything and simply live in the moment. He emphasized self reliance and plain, simple fun.

"You're not the only one out there with issues and insecurities," he reassured me.

We lay on the bed and as he held me, he recited one of his poems, which assisted in lifting my spirits. Needless to say, he worked his thing too well and this led to other "things." Consequently, I promised him I wouldn't just up and leave like that again.

While I was profoundly disappointed in my actions, I discovered that The Voice is a communicative person, willing to work through an issue. The fact that he's still interested in me after my little stunt says a lot about his character (and patience). Most guys would have said "peace out, yo!" Still, I'm slightly intimidated by his social skills. As I stated in a post back in June (click here), I'm extremely shy, quiet and introverted. I'm not as adaptable as he is with any situation but I can hold my own.

Furthermore, he owes no allegiance to anyone but himself and I'm in awe of his free spirit and independence. Conversely, I've forgotten how to have fun. I used to just roll with the flow but the years have made me bitter, serious and cynical. I find myself overly conservative when it comes to just letting loose. Perhaps The Voice and I are beneficial for each other. His personality is presently affecting me, inducing me to step out of my routine and while I don't want to change him, who knows? Maybe he's getting something from me ...

Well let me wrap this three part series up. I awoke early Sunday morning and put my church suit on. I kissed him goodbye and drove out to Framingham for church. I arrived prematurely so I waited in the parking lot, observing the squirrels and birds in an adjacent field.

Suddenly, I decided to have a chat with God. It had been a quick minute (major religious issues here) however, I felt I needed to thank Him for bringing The Voice into my life. I was fairly ashamed by my actions from the previous night. Essentially, I've moaned and groaned over the past several years about how I wanted a boyfriend. I'm finally dating someone who has most of his s*** together, is in school working on his masters, not afraid to show affection in public, has a real job, likes me the way I am (LOL weird indeed!), has a variety of interests, and has his own place (my checklist was nearly complete) ... and what did I do? I found negative flaws and whined like some unappreciative b****. I checked myself accordingly and thanked Him for listening and watching over me and allowing us to be in each other’s lives.

I returned to The Voice’s apartment and found him watching the movie, Enchanted. He was too cute laying there in bed watching a Disney movie, especially after all the bravado and masculinity he exuded the night before. I love it when a guy can tap into their childhood and yet remain mature. Many people define sexy in relation to the body or sexual acts but I'm a fanatic of the intellectual. In my opinion, sexy is the way he taps into his feminine and childhood sides and is still the man in charge, the way he expresses himself lyrically and socially, the way he sleeps, the way he breathes, the way he lives life with love.

That is sexy to me.

He spent Sunday doing laundry and I brought him back to his place and we chilled for a bit. I apologized to his roommates for bouncing the night before (I didn't want to offend them, especially if I'm going to be coming around often) and then we watched some of the VMA's as he drifted off to sleep.

I can't wait until the next time I see him (UPDATE: we’ve chilled several times this week including dinner at the Cheesecake Factory). This past weekend was one of the best birthdays I've EVER had and I can't thank him enough for coming into my life. Whether we end up as friends or more, I'm glad I met The Voice and he's fast become the rock I need during this unstable time in my life. Consequently, I'm hooked and want to learn more about him. I enjoy our vibe and the way he makes me re-examine my soul, my mind, my heart and my life when I'm around him. I have two left feet when it comes to dating (I know I’m not the only one out there!) so I'm moving as slowly and deliberately as possible ...

"Let's see what's out there ... engage!" - Captain Jean-Luc Picard (ST:TNG)

My Birthday (Part 2)

2008-09-11T10:34:00.000-07:00

We dined at Texas Roadhouse and after several drinks, The Voice was feeling positively mellow. He buddied up with the waiter which resulted in a conversation about horror movies and psychics.

Don't ask.

He also ran into a former colleague and her boyfriend and we chatted it up for a few.

As we left the restaurant, it began to rain and we had no umbrella. Not a smart idea when you have the remnants of a tropical storm moving into the area. We dashed for the car and dried off as we drove to the gas station, where he even paid for my gas! Talk about the royal treatment on my special day!

So the big event for the evening was (drum roll please! rat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat ... ) Cirque Du Soleil! The Voice bought tickets and this was my birthday surprise! My mind was blown! Once again, no one (no one, no one!, sorry got caught up in the song) had EVER done that for me! I'm usually buying concert tickets or suggesting events to attend among my social circle. It was exceedingly refreshing to be treated for once!

We waited in the concession tent as the rain began to pour. I shopped at the gift stations and he bought popcorn and water of which he excessively grumbled about the expensive prices to the cashier.

"Hmm, Strike One!"

Digress with me.

I was reading an astrological relationship compatibility website the other day which stated that Libras and Virgos (The Voice and me respectively) are a mis-matched pairing. Libras are social and outgoing while Virgos are restrained, conservative and exceptionally observant. Furthermore, the site listed ways to impress and lose points with Virgos. The top way to lose points? "Acting loud, vulgar, or rude in public."

The Voice has a ghetto side to him and while I obviously find it attractive, I sometimes perceive it to be a facade. He can be profoundly proper and corporate such as when he struck up a conversation with the lady next to us at the show or with the waiter. However, he was all up in sistah girl's face at the concession stand and I was sightly embarrassed.

Moreover, I became annoyed when he wanted to talk about "certain topics" while we waited to enter the circus. I was raised to take pride in myself and whenever I walk out the house, I never forget that I'm representing more than just myself. I'm the living legacy of my people. I believe in good first impressions even amongst strangers and I instantly recognized this as the first significant difference between our signs. Consequently, I believe things that occur in the bedroom should remain private and didn't necessarily want strangers who were seated around us in close quarters hearing all our business.

So do you guys think I’m being too prudish?

Digression over ...

The show was very thrilling and our seats were perfect! Some of the performers/clowns were mingling around in the audience prior to the show and they even made examples of late-arrivals! The costumes were dazzling and absolutely fabulous! The choreography was impeccable, even when a few pesky raindrops leaked through the tent onto the stage. The storyline was imaginative and made me feel like a kid again! I gazed in wonder at the jugglers, the contortionists, the trapeze artists, the highwire act, tower of chair balancing act and other acrobatic feats that had me gripping The Voice's leg in terror! No worries, he was doing the same too! The ringmaster was hilarious and even picked a few audience volunteers to keep us entertained between sets.

During intermission, he asked, "Do you like your birthday gift, baby?"

"I love it!" I responded and then we kissed.

Yeah, I'm getting the hang of this public display of affection pretty damn quick!

We ran through the rain to the car and it took nearly a half hour to get out of the parking lot. The wind was howling and the fury of the storm was very evident. As we inched our way out of the lot we held hands and stole kisses. We opted out of heading to a club in Back Bay because of the weather and headed back to his place. I was terribly exhausted but was in for a rude surprise when I walked into his apartment.

"Damn ... Strike Two!"

His roommates had a few friends over and they were completely drunk and trashed. I socialized (if you can call it that) for a while but wasn't really in the mood. I wanted to "cuddle" with my boy and instead I got a mini-frat party. Talk about heated. The Voice took a few shots and blended right in with the crowd. So I did what I always do when I'm ticked.

"Slowly, surely, I walk away from" - Jill Scott

I went out to my car and left.

(Sorry guys, I’m slow with these posts but this semester is really kicking my butt! Trying to find time to write stuff and edit so please just bear with a brotha ...)

My Birthday (Part 1)

2008-09-09T12:10:00.000-07:00

My birthday was this past Saturday and even the remnants of a hurricane couldn't ruin the most special b-day I've had in a while! To sum up my day in one word, I'd plainly have to say: "divinely dee-licious!"

I spent most of my weekend with The Voice.

I picked him up Friday evening from a nearby friend's house and then we both chilled at his apartment. I met his roommates and was thoroughly impressed! They are a straight couple and so sweet together; they made me feel incredibly welcome. Truthfully, I preferred having the place to ourselves last weekend but even with them around, they were cool and didn’t bother us.

The next day, The Voice entered the Ollie Road Race in South Boston/The Waterfront, a five-mile run to benefit the South Boston Neighborhood House. I got up extremely early, showered and walked to the subway station. By the way, this was my first time on the Silver Line. Essentially it was just a cheap imitation of a real subway line but whatever, it was pretty nice. I arrived at the Bank of America Pavilion and immediately spotted him warming up. He introduced me to a few of his co-workers who instantly took a liking to me. They were doing the two mile walk and after some friendly prodding, I signed up and joined them on the walk.

The ladies asked the "usual suspect" questions (job, school, fun, etc.) and as I found out later, I was stamped "APPROVED!" and ready for packaging. The walk was a great deal of fun however, I was disappointed that the walkers were on the same track as the runners because as the lead runners returned, they nearly knocked this poor old lady walker over and then proceeded to almost get in a fight with her! Profoundly upsetting! Everyone was out there to raise money for a good cause and have fun and yet s*** like that still happened.

I made it back in 30 minutes and waited for The Voice who timed in at about 43 or 44 minutes! He was sweaty and dripping everywhere but I didn't care. I gave him a hug and told him I was exceedingly proud of him and couldn’t wait to see him do his thing in the half-marathon next month. We split after a while and met up with another friend who gave us a ride back to my neighborhood. I felt a bit awkward because I'm not used to "bumming" rides from anyone. He let us off at my barbershop (The Voice goes to the same barbershop! Pretty surreal, eh?) and I went home to relax.

A few hours later, I picked him up from his place and he was rocking it with his black knit dread cap, slim grey jeans, black dress shoes and tight belt buckle under the black polo shirt. As James Earl Hardy would say, he looked "jood!" We jetted over to Texas Roadhouse and he called ahead while we journeyed.

"He's efficient and makes himself useful!" I thought as we cruised down Route 16.

Now children, pay attention because this was my favorite part of my day! As we stood there, waiting to be seated (only a minute wait), he suddenly spun on his heel and turned to face me. He slipped his hand around the small of my back, his fingers gripping me tight and quickly pulled me toward him and kissed me! And no, not some peck on the cheek. I'm talking tongue action people! My heart swooned and froze.

"What are people thinking?" "Is someone going to say something?" "Oh my God! I can't believe he's really doing this right here, right now!" "Damn, that feels real good!"

A million thoughts raced through my head but after he pulled away, I was thoughtless and breathless.

He asked, "Did you like that?" I simply nodded in response.

That is a memory I will never forget. Why? I have always wanted to date someone who is overwhelmingly comfortable with their sexuality and bold enough to evince public displays of affection (PDA). As Alicia Keys would say, "no one, no one, no one!" has EVER, EVER done that! In the past, I've snuck kisses in public or held hands but usually when no one was around or in a secluded area. If someone happened to pass by, I broke it off. Nevertheless, I had to come back to earth because "Red Bull The Voice gives you wings!" and I was soaring somewhere between the stratospheres of infatuation and sprung.

"I don't care what anyone thinks!" he explained later, "I like you and we should have a right to display our feelings just like everyone else does ... I wish someone would say something ... !"

I've always been comfortable with my orientation but never had the opportunity to explore PDA's with any of my past romantic partners; they merely weren't mature emotionally. However, The Voice, who hasn't ceased to amaze me this past week and a half, is unlike anyone I've encountered or dated before.

But the night wasn't over yet and things were about to get a little more interesting.

Reading Corner: Right Side Of The Wrong Bed

2008-09-08T05:00:00.000-07:00

For the past two weeks, I've been reading Right Side Of The Wrong Bed by Frederick Smith. Initially, it's been a struggle since my departure from work to maintain my regular reading habits. Nevertheless, I managed to journey through this novel and came away with a greater appreciation for generational differences in a romantic relationship.

This novel is not a continuation of Down For Whatever, Smith’s first novel. Rather, we are introduced to Kenneth Kane, a successful thirty-something college administrator, who has a seemingly Cosby-perfect life with his firefighter boyfriend, DaVon. Unfortunately, as Chinua Achebe would say, "things fall apart" and Kenny finds himself hopelessly single and constantly barraged with child paternity suits courtesy of DaVon's fence hopping ways.

However, Jeremy Lopez slips into Kenny's life "as smoothly as the rum going into his second mojito." A twenty-one year old Daddy Yankee clone from East L.A. who has more issues than Erykah Badu's "bag lady." Eventually, Kenny attends wild parties and clubs with Jeremy and feels completely young at heart. Nonetheless, reality sets in and Kenny must make some serious decisions that could lead to even more unpleasant consequences. As the book's synopsis states, "will Kenny wake up feeling like he's on the right side of the wrong bed?"

Before I get into my review, I thoroughly enjoyed Down For Whatever and even recommended it to The Divo who read it while on vacation in L.A. last year. That's quite amazing because The Divo is all about having fun and yet the book captured his attention more than his vacation! Go figure! Anyway, I digress.

In Right Side Of The Wrong Bed, I found myself frustrated from the start due to two major issues. The first issue concerned "dangling statements" that Smith seeded from cover to cover. An example would read:

"'How you been?' DaVon said, half looking at me, half looking over my shoulder at the crowd around us. Needed to keep that wandering eye still, with his wife and kid at home, and countless others ..." (page 11)

It was probably just my anal-retentive personality when it came to that. I'm not a huge grammar fiend and I'm usually pretty laid back when it comes to fiction because the author is expressing him/herself in whatever way they see fit. Conversely, these sentences effortlessly continued the flow. In essence, Smith writes how an individual thinks so I give him props for the realism.

The other me-issue was the naivety of Kenny. While I was ecstatic to see an African-American SGL middle-class professional portrayed extremely well, I was also upset that he was getting caught up in some of Jeremy's schemes. However, a friend of mine pointed out, "that is precisely how the author wanted you to feel!" Again, kudos, Mr. Smith. Furthermore, the naivete upset me because I was recently seeing an eighteen year old and I related especially well to the questions and confusion that Kenny was experiencing. Consequently, I was perceiving myself in the mirror and as we all know, the truth is hardly flattering.

Okay, let's see, some other highlights. The storyline was simply delicious! However, I can't give anything away so read it and trust, you'll like! Momma Kane, whew, "Lawd have mercy!"

I need a minute here!

One more minute ...

Okay, I’m good!

I love Momma Kane! Did you all hear me? I LOVE HER! If this novel were a movie, I see Jennifer Lewis all up and through that role! Momma Kane was right on point!

Overall, the book was put together exceedingly well and was positively convincing. Smith definitely had me reading extra chapters even after my lunch break ended! Unfortunately, Smith's ending wasn't tremendously credible. It was profoundly rushed and could have been expounded upon for a few more chapters. The last chapter lacked closure and this conclusion was worse than the first novel’s denouement. Still, I’m hoping to read more books from Frederick Smith and I clearly see tremendous growth since his first novel! So check out Down For Whatever and Right Side Of The Wrong Bed and support this talented author!

This week, I began reading In Love With A Thug by Reginald L. Hall. I know one shouldn't judge a book by it's cover but I had serious doubts even before I bought it. Nevertheless, I have a thug addiction (don't we all?) so I'm going to satiate my curiosity. I'll let you guys know in a week or two (free-time pending) what my thoughts are on Mr. Hall.

I'm Gonna Party Like It's My Birthday!

2008-09-06T09:51:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to me!

Happy Birthday to wonderful, awesome, beautiful, talented, sexy, crazy, happy, sweet, lovable, nice K.C. (whew!)

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!!

... AND WHAT?! Yeah, I know, I'm conceited but it's 9:51 AM on Sept. 6th and I can do whatever the f*** I want cuz it's MY DAY!!!! :o)

I Will Cut You!

2008-09-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

Feeling a bit ghetto this morning ...

Happy Friday and have a great weekend everyone!

Come Back To The World (Part 2)

2008-09-04T06:00:00.000-07:00

I want somebody to walk up behind me

And kiss me on my neck and breathe on my neck

I want somebody to walk up behind me

And kiss me on my neck and breathe on my neck

If you want to feel me

Better be divine

Bring me water, water for my mind

Give me nothin

Breathe love in my air

Don't abuse me

Cause these herbs are rare

(Erykah Badu - Kiss Me On My Neck [Hesi], Mama’s Gun)

Darkness. Then came The Light.

I felt his body upon mine. His hands roamed freely and affectionately as we succumbed to the intoxication of lust.

Darkness. Then came The Light.

I awoke the next morning, my head throbbing intensely as I slowly realized my surroundings. I stumbled upstairs and found the party guests stirring. I emerged on the deck and joined the others for breakfast and a few mimosas. As I downed my drink, he asked me if I was interested in checking out a poetry slam that night.

"That's wassup!" I replied.

I drove home in silence, allowing the radio to summarize my feelings and crawled into bed to recover from my heathenly hangover and drifted off, smiling slightly in disbelief at the wild night I had.

That night, I picked him up (it turns out he only lived in the next city over, merely two blocks from the beach!) around seven o’clock.

"What in the world are you doing? You don't even know this guy!" I thought, as I pulled up to his house. "It was just a crazy stupid party where you acted a damn fool! Forget him and get back to reality!"

But something was urging me, compelling me, driving and guiding me to ring that bell. He let me up. His roommates were away.

"Nice place!"

"Thanks ... sorry, I'm running late. I'm pretty slow getting ready. I didn't think you'd get here so quickly. Most everyone has trouble finding my place!"

"I always find what I really want!"

I gazed at the tattoos on his back while he dressed. A mere 12 hours earlier, I had explored his slim body but now I was able to really check the bubble him out. His room was small but definitely well furnished. He threw on a tight tee and some skinny jeans and we were ready to bounce.

"Hmm, at least he's got style in the bedroom and on the street."

After a stop at Male #3's house, we finally arrived at the Lizard Lounge in Cambridge. Unfortunately, he was too late to sign up for the slam so we ordered drinks and kicked back and watched the poets. Hold up. Rewind. Brotha paid for my cover charge and a round of drinks.

"Now that's wassup!"

We sat in the dimly lit lounge, candle sconces casting a soft glow on the bohemian scene. The poets rapped, came hard with the knowledge and before long, we were cheering and yelling out in support of our favorites. I had never been to a slam before so I was thoroughly impressed! Later that evening, the featured poet emerged with a backup four piece band as my cousin and the Late Lesbo Crew (LLC) finally rolled through. We crowded around the table, reminiscing about the party and as the poet journeyed through her mind, I journeyed through his soul.

The brotha talked about his love of poetry, his Caribbean ancestry, his graduate studies, his frat, his achievements (he ran the Boston Marathon this year! I'm super jealous!), our past loves, our future plans and as the music played, so did my hand on his leg.

The LLC decided they weren't feeling the poet so we ventured outside, hopped in our cars and the brotha and I followed them to Kelly's on the beach. As we flew through the streets of Somerville, Cambridge and Revere, he recited his poetry, his art. No one had ever done that before and I glimpsed the immense depth of his passion for his craft.

After Kelly's, we ditched the LLC and returned to his place. I yielded to temptation. We slid into his room and instantly I was at ease. I borrowed his lounge pants and shirt and a du-rag and before long we were lying in bed watching horror movies and making out.

Darkness. Then came The Light.

The next morning, we lay in bed, trying to get to know each other better. He recited more of his poetry with Lauryn Hill's The Sweetest Thing playing in the background on his laptop. We talked about our ex's and he admitted his reluctance to enter a relationship but admitted he was feeling me in a myriad of ways.

Parting really is sweet sorrow but I returned later that afternoon and left a bouquet of multi-colored Anastasia chrysanthemums and a card to thank him for the wonderful evening.

Darkness. Then came The Light.

I'm truly feeling this brotha and after the immature guys I've dated the past few months, he is definitely a breath of fresh air. While there are a few things I've omitted from the story, I tried my best to capture his essence and spirit. He's spontaneous, outgoing, educated and has a purity about his soul that words fail to capture. I'm not sprung but I'm getting close to it. School is my anchor but as I discover more about this brotha, I'm glad I attended that party.

"Fifty years from now, when you're looking back at your life, don't you want to be able to say you had the guts to get in the car?" - Sam Witwicky (Transformers)

I confess that most of the men I've dated I originally met online so connecting and socializing with someone while at a party was the confidence booster I needed. He's already planned several dates (we're headed back to the slam championship contest in a few weeks) and he's got something planned for my b-day this weekend.

In closing, one of the poets at the contest stressed "live in the now." I'm not going to become Joan Clayton and obsess over whether this is the "one" or not. I'm not going to worry about what my family or friends think, but live for me and enjoy this moment, wherever it may take me. There is an attraction and I want to explore it further. I can't dwell on tomorrow or fret over my past decisions. Right now, all I want to do is exist in the now time signature.

Darkness. Then came The Light.

Gentleman, I formally present ... The Voice