K.C.'s Workout Plan (Pt. 2)

So I haven't lost any weight (still hovering around the same number), however, I've been doing pretty good for the past two or three weeks. I've been forcing myself to get up at 4:30 every morning and get in the gym early. I've tried out the new stair climbers, lifted weights, worked out on the ellipticals and the hybrid ellipticals (yeah, my legs were burning after that!). While my legs are the strongest part of my body (all the running and walking I do), the upper body is still struggling along. I'm still barely squeaking out 65-75 pounds on the machines. Nevertheless, I'm managing about 150-200 crunches on all the ab machines.

The result?

I've been feeling pretty good for these past few weeks. I feel more fit and energetic. I've slacked a bit this week due to the 10 page paper I waited until the last minute to write for class. Hopefully once this semester ends (this week), I can get back on the gym wagon.

If You Don't Have Anything Good To Say ...

... just don't say anything at all! That's a phrase I'm sure all of us have heard from our wise old grandmothers at some time or another. And that's exactly what Jesse needs to do. I used to have respect for this man and I'm not belittling his accomplishments, but after the illegitimate scandal broke, I started wondering. Now after this incident, I can't say I'm too surprised. I've got religious issues to begin with (I'm always questioning stuff; that's why I don't get along well in church) so seeing this supposed man of the cloth saying such a vile and ignorant remark didn't rehabilitate me.

I spoke to my mother about it last night and she came of age during the sixties (JFK, MLK, LSD and all the other initials associated with that decade). She initially never had much respect for Jackson. Now we both agreed he has been an asset to the community and his legacy will be great if not controversial. Aren't all great leaders? Nevertheless, his recent comment just depicted him as an absolute fear-mongering, divisive, unintelligent fool. And to make matters worse, it reinitiates the age old debate about dirty laundry.

I mentioned dirty laundry in a previous post (click here) regarding my Independence Day weekend. The African-American community, as well as other minority communities, are apt to put our business out in the spotlight. When one has to struggle for equality and civility, highlighting the negative aspects of your culture doesn't help your cause. Who are these people to stand up and speak for us? What gives Cosby and Jackson and so many others the right to speak for us and put us in our place? My answer to that would be intelligence plus character. The truth always come out in the end and somebody needs to have the guts to stand up and take charge, present the change and challenge the status quo.

Consequently, the inevitable emerged. This morning on "Today," they mentioned this scandal and then posed the age old question: are there more individuals who feel this way in the black community? Duh!?! No culture or race is perfectly united. You have to be a complete moron to even ponder that question. So you don't like Obama or have an issue with his political philosophy. That's fine. Take it up with him, counter his cause (become a Republican like Condi and Keyes), or else just shut the hell up. Yeah, I'm a bit biased. Oh, and I'm sure this has absolutely nothing to do with the fact Jackson never got this far in his campaign :: roll my eyes :: Put in the vernacular, "don't hate!"

And the gravy on top? His son denouncing his remarks. I think I hear a vacuum cleaner someplace sucking up stuff ...

Fireworks & Dirty Laundry Make Strange Bedfellows

Independence Day is a time for family, fun, grilled food and nostalgia all while feeling intense pride in your country. However, what Fourth of July celebration could be considered complete without fireworks? Ah, yes, the hallmark of Independence Day. The fiery reds, the cool blues, the intense yellows, the shouting, the shoving, the name calling, the golden tension. Once again, the true cornerstone of every Fourth of July.

Those of you that are of African-American descent know that there is a rule in our community regarding airing "dirty laundry" out to dry in the public breeze. For those of you that didn't know that, well, now you know. So I'm about to violate that law and tell it like it is.

I awoke looking forward to the Fourth of July with extreme anticipation and excitement as I do every year. I cracked open my Bud Light (with lime) and after a quick trip to my un-official job, I started the grill with my father and brother (aka Rugrat). As the grill heated up, so did the tension in the kitchen. I had just invited The Divo over and came downstairs to find my mother crying. I tried to find out what had happened and after prying a few words from in between the sobs, discovered my brother had "told her off." Well, I wasn't about to let that stand and summoned Rugrat inside. Big mistake.

Instantly the fireworks began. Since there's no need to get into the specifics, needless to say he was frustrated regarding his job situation and my mom had nagged him one too many times over the age old issue of money. He continued on about her failings and he actually made some valid points without actually being disrespectful. But as always, my mom is more stubborn than a mule. Way more stubborn! That's probably where I get it from.

She didn't back down and called him "ungrateful" as well as some other choice words. I sat by in my ringside seat and just watched knowing that anything I said would not help the situation. They needed to handle this without me. Eventually it came to the phrase of "if you don't like it get the f--- outta here!" and of course Rugrat did just that. He stormed upstairs after a quick blow to the dog and packed his bag and stormed out of the house.

I eventually confronted my mom and after a little bit of pleading, identified the source of many of her problems. Her best friend (my aunt) had passed away back in December rather suddenly after a long illness. My mom does not have many female friends that she trusts and a lot of her frustration does not have a release valve. Hence the buildup of tension and stress. She also stated how much she appreciated my brother and I for dealing with her. So with that end somewhat patched, I called Rugrat.

He isn't as easy to calm down once he's pissed. He's a "react first, reflect later" type of guy. And since he's a big guy, it's not a good idea to get him pissed. However, we have a tight brotherly relationship so I prayed that I'd be able to coax him back to the house. He refused, saying he was staying at a friends house for a few days and I told him I was here for him. "If you need a ride back or want to talk, just give me a call."

A few hours passed and I took out my frustration on the lawn (really BAD mowing job!) and then finished grilling with my dad (who had stayed out of it). Eventually The Divo arrived and he was an angel in disguise. By having him there, it eased the tension and my mom calmed down and laughed and sort of forgot her problems. Soon, my brother walked back in the yard, much calmer and everything proceeded as though nothing had happened. By the time the sun went down, my brother, his girlfriend, The Divo, my mom and I were all sitting on the back deck laughing about ghetto baby names and talking about the (real) fireworks. Furthermore, my brother and mother talked later that night after I went to bed and I guess they straightened everything out.

In the end, I was very thankful that the The Divo showed up and salvaged what was left of my holiday. I browsed through his photo album which included pictures from his trips to D.C. and China as well as a cruise to the Bahamas with his boyfriend. He also brought me two gifts: a miniature replica of a terracotta warrior and Nini, one of the good luck dolls and mascots for the 2008 Summer Olympics.

Overall, I had a good holiday but I kind of knew that this was going to happen. My family and I have an annual cookout that we host every year and the date is drawing nearer (July 19th). There is a lot of yard work and housework to be done and my father isn't well. Money is tight and I haven't had an opportunity to contribute to the workload because of school and work. It was disappointing that the tension climaxed on that day but in a way, I'm thankful it did. Maybe now with all that off the family's chest, we can move forward and make the 4th Annual "C's & J's" Cookout an event like no other ...

Think Twice

I broke a record in my personal life. I had the shortest relationship ever. SideKick and I amicably parted ways this past weekend. We're very much attracted but realize that a relationship just isn't going to work with where we are at in life. He's starting a new job and I'm going to be finishing up my semester and then beginning a job search of my own by September. He's young while I'm settled in my ways. His idea of fun isn't mine. While opposites can be fun, in this case, I had seen a discord even before we hooked up. That's one of the reasons I had been keeping him at bay for nearly a year. I'm not saying it was step backwards but I'm looking for stability and security (never thought in a million years I'd say that, now I know I'm old! LOL). I want to move out, raise children and since this is Massachusetts, eventually get married. I like SideKick but I'm also an old fashioned guy and he's part of a younger generation that I realize I can't quite connect with. His idea of fun, morals, love, and many other things is so much more different than mine. I hope he'll find happiness since he's a great guy and deserves it.

The friends with benefits came up but I don't think that'll happen. I take sex seriously. I am a huge flirt and have a wild side. But I've matured such that it's got to be with someone I'm dedicated to, no matter how tempting anyone is. That's why I'd never cheat. Besides having had it happen to me, I just can't deal with guilt very well and I'm always thinking long-term. Not just about how it'd ruin my relationship but my mind, my health, my life, my soul.

The greatest benefit from this short relationship is that I was able to open my heart again. I've closed it off for the past three years. I had begun to accept that I'd never find love and just focused on myself and my goals. That's fine and dandy, but everyone needs love. I had grown cold-hearted and bitter. Even seeing couples together (SGL or straight) caused my heart to shut down even more. However, being with SideKick and having someone to call and talk to, to make your day feel better with just a text or a phone call, that has melted the ice and I'm learning to love again as well as forgive myself and others. I'm going to begin dating again and maybe I'll find someone who uniquely compliments me. Who knows? All I know is that right now, I feel spiritually alive again and I'm going to open my heart to new possibilities.

"I keep moving forward, pressing onward, striving further. I keep on laughing, keep on living, keep on loving. I keep on dreaming, keep on achieving, keep on believing (I keep) I keep smiling when I come thru ... and I cry when I need too." - Jill Scott (I Keep - Words & Sounds, Vol. 2: Beautifully Human)

Review: My Man, My Boyz

One thing that I enjoy doing is supporting the community of black SGL fictional and non-fictional authors. My friend, The Divo, introduced me to the novels of E. Lynn Harris about five years ago and thus began my addiction. Over the years I've collected and read many books and while some were really great reads (Hardy, Harris & Ross), others (Poole) shouldn't have been ordered or bought in the first place! Regardless, I enjoy reading and supporting up-and-coming authors and always appreciate their courage and skill. My collection, thus far, is below:

Invisible Life Series (E. Lynn Harris)

B-Boy Blues Series (James Earl Hardy)

Down For Whatever (Frederick Smith)

This Place of Men (Doug Cooper-Spencer)

I Wrote This Song (Dayne Avery)

Details (Dayne Avery)

I'm On My Way (Christopher David)

Manhood (L.M. Ross)

Breathe (Blair Poole)

One More River To Cross (Keith Boykin)

Beyond The Down Low (Keith Boykin)

Their Own Receive Them Not (Horace Griffin)

The newest book that I've added to my collection is My Man, My Boyz by Dwayne Vernon. While I've just begun the novel, I've already found some great points about it. First up, I like the feel and I can already see the plotline developing and the possible climactic results. However, the author has some other minor hurdles that make it difficult to get into the book. He utilized the same description twice in one chapter (i.e. dark-chocolate brotha/tone). Um, yeah, why does it always come back to chocolate? Additionally, not all brothas are dark-chocolate; I like to think I'm more like a smooth mocha! LOL He also named two hood characters Carlton and Barbara. Okay, I'm not a thug and I don't live in the most ghetto parts of Boston, but last time I checked, I don't know many black Barbaras or Carltons! I keep thinking about the Fresh Prince and the "Carlton-dance" everytime I see that name! LOL

Anyway, the novel is pulling at my heartstrings because the relationships seem almost too perfect (they usually are in most books) ... I think it's those damn hormones of mine acting up again! I'm going to keep reading and see how it turns out. I spent the first two months of the year reading Barack Obama's books and then followed that up with some sci-fi novels. I just need a change of scenery and hopefully this will live up to my expectations! I'll let you know how it turns out!

Addendum (July 2, 2008 8:49 AM) ---------------------------------------

I've read about two-thirds of the book and the story started getting better. Nevertheless, the grammar (verb tense) and vocabulary sophistication is VERY limited. I'm trying not to be too harsh since this is the authors first novel and he doesn't really have a literary background. There are just some parts that are completely unnecessary and other scenes that seem to just fly by. I feel he could have fleshed out the personalities behind the characters and made them more distinct (they all seem to be blending together). Overall, I'm enjoying the plot and the twists and where this all may be headed. I'll let you know my full thoughts once I finish the novel.

Celibacy Blues

This here celibacy thing
Lawd, just got something over me
Like an addict, I could really use a thing
You know what I'm talking about
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

It's been hard to sleep at night
I'm ying ying ying ying it
Scratching it right
I get some new batteries almost every night
Lawd, this here celibacy thing

The stresses of this world
You know how they come down on a girl
I'm trying to clear my mind
But all I seem to find
Is this gangsta, gangsta, type of need

People say mind over matter
But, I don't mind what they say
And it don't matter
This here celibacy thing
Is working on me...

(Jill Scott - Celibacy Blues, The Real Thing: Words & Sounds Vol. 3)

I'm going to break from my usual enlightened personality and admit that I got the "blues." I usually don't want to put my personal "needs" out there for the world but I am feeling Jill. And after yesterday's train ride ... yeah, I can testify it truly is a gangsta type of need!

So I hopped on the Red Line (Ashmont line) and headed to school. I actually managed to find a seat and heavily plopped down; complete exhaustion threatened to overwhelm me. I'm a people watcher so I sat there observing everyone, and not just the men. Yes, I "window shop." It helps to pass the time on the slow ass T (MBTA for you out-of-towners). So the train slowly pulled into Downtown Crossing station and the crowd frantically created a competition of who can get off first while pushing the old lady on to the ground.* I began dozing, a habit I do on the train so I don't have to look at crotches and thighs as well as avoiding eye-contact with the pleading ladies who are desperate enough to sell their soul for a seat.
*Note: The T is the best embodiment of Darwin's Evolutionary Theory and truly is "survival of the fittest."

The train filled up and I pulled my bag closer to me as I felt a warm body slide into the seat next to me. Nothing unusual about that. As the train moves out of the station, the person pushed further back and I was roused from my sleep. Curiosity compelled me to open my eyes. A young, skinny black teen (18 or 19-ish) was next to me with his backpack strewn over the seat next to him. As the train ride progressed, I found him getting closer to me, practically rubbed up on my leg. Then he leaned back with his shoulders on mine. To illustrate the closeness, he could have laid his head on my shoulder. He then started digging in his right pocket to retrieve his Sidekick and his arm and elbow were all in my side and on my left thigh. Essentially, this continued all the way to my stop (JFK/UMass) and needless to say, I was pushed almost to my breaking point. For a few minutes, I almost thought he was my man! LOL

No one was next to him but yet he chose to practically grind up on me? I even tested the waters and pushed back. I did notice him do the over the shoulder glance back toward me a few times. Now I wasn't about to try and hook up with anybody but all I know is that I haven't felt a contact like that in a quick minute. Sadly, I've closed myself off so much that I ended up getting turned on by a stranger on a train. Personally, that's quite pathetic. Welcome to my rock bottom.

Needless to say, that encounter nearly released my ho-ish personality again. My "black book" is filled with a few one time encounters and other dumb things that I did all in the name of sex. I have moved on from my immature ways but apparently the dragon hasn't been completely vanquished. And yesterday proved that I need to continue to keep it locked up and think with my brain. It would have been so easy to go home and find a random hook up but I know that in the end it won't fulfill my desire, which is to have a serious relationship.

But in the meantime, "this here celibacy thing is working on me ... "

Higher Ignorance

I'm currently taking two classes this summer semester and so far I'm well done (time to come off the grill!) I took two classes last summer and while it was hectic, I survived. Mentally, I'm done but physically, I've got a few more classes so I'm hanging in there. But I have a gripe with my professor. Actually, with almost all professors at this and many schools.

Last summer, I took my first philosophy class and we focused mostly on Socrates (our visiting prof. was fixated on him). There was mention of some of the Eastern philosophers but she simply stated, "we just don't have time for them." The summer sessions move fast because they're roughly five weeks. I also took a Renaissance art course last summer and we primarily focused on Leonardo, Michelangelo, Bernini, Titian, and many others.

This summer, I'm taking my intermediate seminar (required of all students) which focuses on great world leaders. Our visiting prof. is actually an art historian so while we've talked about Elizabeth I, Hatshepsut, Marcus Garvey, Cesar Chavez, Hitler, Freud, Pericles, Gertrude Stein and many others, we inevitably came back to leaders in the arts. The two individuals that we focused on that week were Fan Kuan, an ancient Chinese landscape artist, and Titian, a Venetian Renaissance painter. Well, needless to say, we only spent about 10 minutes (barely) on Fan Kuan and then utilized the rest of the 3 hour period looking at a billion works on Titian. Moreover, our prof. was visibly filled with glee and joyfulness as she went through the various slides; it was quite evident in her voice.

Furthermore, my private lessons professor (I'm a music major with a concentration on piano) is equally obsessed with the great classical composers such as Bach, Mozart, Chopin, Beethoven, Haydn, Debussy and many others. I'm currently working on a sonata from Haydn and I've already got Chopin and Bach under my belt. During my first semester with her, she initially asked if I wanted to do some non-classical pieces and we selected compositions by Coltrane, Ellington, Basie and other great jazz composers. Needless to say, she wasn't feeling it.

The point I'm driving at is that I feel most professors tend to avoid "non-Western" or contemporary subjects. Subsequently, I'm beginning to believe this is a UMB phenomenon. When I was enrolled at ERAU, DWC and Berklee, we studied the greats but the range of philosophers, writers and composers we studied was extremely diverse. I got a taste of Native American ideals, African concepts, some Middle Eastern morals and other types of world history. However, I'm beginning to think the professors aren't willing to step outside their comfort zones. It's nice to acknowledge the ancient Greek, Roman, Egyptian societies and respect the British Empire for it's accomplishments. Even American history is interesting to skim through. Nevertheless, I think they're overly provincial and narrow-minded and need to step into the 21st century.

I've addressed my concern but the continuous answer(s) I've received is that there simply isn't enough time to cover the "complex intricacies involved in Chinese philosophy" or that "it's not part of the course curriculum." That, in my opinion, is a steaming pile of bull. I like professors who challenge you to think but I'm not finding that at UMB. I guess I shouldn't really care because I just want to get my degree and get out. However, it's eating at me more and more and I feel as though I'm getting financially ripped-off by racist professors. Ironically, when I did take an African studies course at UMB, I found the African-American prof. to be as equally biased and racist towards white, Western society. So if the whole point of going to college is to become a better person and educate ignorant people, why are there still these attitudes and prejudices? Obviously I can't be naive to think that such an insidious ideology such as racism didn't exist in higher education. However, I'm deeply concerned to watch students just sit there and soak it up just because they "need the credits." Perhaps I received a well-rounded and diverse academic background at my previous schools because they were privately funded. Does this mentality only exist there because it's a state school? And does anyone understand my perspective?