“There's only so many songs that I can sing to pass the time
And I'm running out of things to do to get you off my mind”
(Long Distance - Brandy: Human)
I'm going through withdrawal.
You see, The Voice travels a lot for business and is scheduled to be away for nearly the entire month of February. While I'm going to visit him at least once, I'm still not 100% on board with this. I know I'm being selfish when I say this but I didn't sign up for a long distance relationship.
Travel is a major factor in any relationship. It's inevitable. For example, my aunt is away from her family a lot due to the nature of her consulting work and I see it with a lot of other couples. Nevertheless, it doesn't make it any easier.
Furthermore, I really freaked out after hearing about the plane crash (January 15th) in New York City. I'm extremely relieved to hear that no one was killed but I did find it exceedingly unnerving when I discovered that it was the same carrier (U.S. Airways) that my boyfriend utilizes.
The Voice and I don't spend much time together. We typically meet up on weekends as he is traveling and/or working Monday through Friday and I'm swamped with school and work likewise. Currently, I'm finding the separation difficult because I have a lot of free time on my hands. I believe that once school begins, I’ll be extremely preoccupied and dwelling less frequently on the situation.
I know that he reads my blog and many of you are going to tell me to grow up and deal with it, but I titled the blog “Beautifully Human” and I admit to my flaws and shortcomings. On that note, I’m going to share that I’m angry with his job, angry with him, angry at myself, angry at the city he’s in, angry at the world – ah hell, I’m just angry! I know that I should be grateful and focus on the positive memories and aspects of our relationship. However, I simply can’t flip a switch and shut off my emotions.
Externally, I remain serene and stoic. I attended a luncheon for Martin Luther King this past Saturday and went to the casino (Foxwoods) with The Divo yet betrayed no trace of emotion. Internally, I’m missing him and deeply upset because he should be by my side. And because I am human, I’m also feeling a bit spiteful. I want to pout sometimes, throw a fit, maybe give him an attitude the likes of which the world has never seen. Nevertheless, I check myself. I’m too mature to go that route ... (continued below video)
Brandy - Long Distance (New) [HQ]
Uploaded by wonderful-life1989
So this week and in subsequent weeks, I’m going to focus on practicing. I’m going to clean up my bedroom. I’m going to catch up on some projects. I’m going back to the gym. I’m going to shop for clothes. I’m going to catch up on all my television shows on DVR. I’m going to plan out my summer internship.
I’m going to find any and everything I need to do because if I sit and concentrate on the separation it’s going to eat me alive. Depression will devour my heart. Anger will consume my mind. I’m going to pray to God to grant me serenity and sanity. Because if I don’t find something to occupy my thoughts, I’m going to throw away the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.
I desired a relationship for so long, and now I’ve got one. It’s not the most ideal relationship but show me one that is! I stated a few posts ago that I was going to work hard cementing this. Nevertheless, emotions simply don’t lie.
I need a little help here:
What ideas can you suggest to help keep my mind off this?
And how do you cope with being away from your significant other for long periods of time?