Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Glass Is Half Empty

I thought my first post would be more positive but I'm finding it hard these days to think positive. I have always felt that anytime my life is going good, "things fall apart" (Chinua Achebe). I got the news the other day that my grades for the spring semester were all A's and of course that only brought my GPA up even more! Believe me, after years of C's and D's at my other colleges, it feels nice to do well.

But of course I seem to be focusing on the negative things lately. About a month ago, I got an e-mail from a former best friend (D.G.) and subsequently, we're no longer friends. I've also been feeling abandoned and betrayed by most of the people I considered friends (I don't like to use that word loosely) and honestly it's hurting more than I anticipated. I am a loner most of the time. I'm very quiet at work and in school, and prefer hanging out at home instead of being around crowds. That's not to say I don't enjoy company and friendship but I prefer my own thoughts sometimes to other people. For the past year or two, I've really come a long way and actually started branching out and socializing more but now I fear that these latest happenings will leave me distrustful. I really value the friendships I make with people and especially with the only two best friends (D.G. & Crazy) whom I considered family. It does hurt, not being able to understand what went wrong and not being able to talk to her anymore. We probably outgrew each other but that doesn't make this "grieving" process any easier. I wish I had a switch to shut off my emotions but I need to endure these feelings so that I can become a better person. As my good friend The Divo* would say, "this too shall pass."

*On a side note: The Divo is headed to China for a few weeks and while I'm insanely envious, I wish him the best and hope he has a safe and fun trip!

No comments: