Please Leave A Message After The Beep

Hey everyone!

I decided I need a break (mentally and physically) for a while so I'm going to take the next week off from blogging. My departure from work has provided a week before school begins so I'm going to use the week to catch up on personal items, job hunt, clean house, practice, and simply relax.

Furthermore, I want to thank those who have commented over the past month as well as the two SGL authors (Ross & Smith) for contributing to my blog and adding an extra flair!

I hope everybody is enjoying their summer vacations as well and I'll return in September!

Free At Last, Free At Last ...

I'm free,
Praise the Lord, I'm free
No longer bound,
No more chains holdin' me
My soul is a-restin',
Yes, it's a-blessin'
Praise the Lord, hallelujah, I'm free!

(Traditional Negro spiritual)







To all my past and present Uncle Toms co-workers and slave driving managers:

It's been absolutely horrible grand and I curse you to hell thank you for a miserable wonderful five long years of torture and nightmares memories at the plantation Fund that I'll dread cherish for the rest of my mentally disturbed life. I double curse you wish you only the worst best in whatever direction hopefully a disastrous and tragic death life takes you. F*** Thank you again!

Sincerely,
Kunta K.C.

In memoriam:

Weezy (aka The Great White Wizzle, aka Poundcake), The Beast From The East, The Pit, The Don, Mr. Burns, Aunt Thomasina, Gaia, TV Queen, The Freak, Wolf Man, The Mouth Of The South, Fat Boy, The German Shepard, Braveheart, Auntie, The Muffin Club, Flanders, Pumbaa, Rafiki, Shotgun, The Treasure Troll, Russian Bomb Squad, Crazy Debbie, The Diary (Of A Mad Black Woman), Little Winky/The Pitbull, Bush's B****, The Hunchback, Nerd Turf, Zelda, Hair Bear, The Hoz, The Mafiosa Wives Club, The First Ho, The Butt (nuff said!), Bob (doorman), Magneto, M. Night Shyamalan, and Mo (R.I.P.)

Any Final Words?

I've only one thing to say as I walk out the door today and I think Miss Houston phrased it best!

... Such a gentle, beautiful creature!

You Should See His Truck!

I guess I'm coming to the end of the road and it's all quite surreal and tremendously emotional.

I took yesterday off to have my hair twisted. I stopped by UMB (I hoped I wouldn't see that place until September) to have some papers signed by a former professor and then met up with Twists late last night. Yeah, I know, I said some stuff regarding him in a previous post and I've decided he will be my distraction for the next week or so; at least until I return to school. I'm not conceding to bitterness but I know what I want ... and he's certainly not “the one.” He’s a nice guy but just not on my level. I'm beginning to feel like Kenny in Right Side Of The Wrong Bed. More on that in a subsequent post.

We had Verizon's FiOS installed yesterday. For years, Java-Mama and Rugrat operated with dial-up (Wilhelm scream!) while I had DSL since 2001. The technician explained that Verizon is gradually phasing out DSL and utilizing fiber optic and cable networks. Let me tell you: FiOS is really worth the investment! DSL was fast but there's no comparison. My old DSL modem exhibited connection problems however, I haven't encountered any significant malfunctions (so far). Yeah, I know, give it time; I'll let you know in a few months how I feel. My mom and brother are equally impressed, especially since they've existed in the Stone Age of online connection. Nevertheless, I'm feeling a bit ripped off! I didn't see any ethereal light emanating from our FiOS box! I want my money back!

I've been talking to The Executive for the past few days, one of the few X-Men I converse with. He's still dysfunctional. That song, Whenever You’re Around, from Jill Scott, keeps running through my head when I talk to him. Trust me, there will be more posts concerning him later ...

Meanwhile, my cubicle is empty, my desk is as butt-naked as the day I moved in and my computer is all cleared out. It's almost time. I even received a going away card and money from The Don (my brother and I had nicknames for nearly every co-worker). The best gift of all? Not seeing that witch (Aunt Thomasina) for the past two weeks! Priceless! Talk about a great way to depart The Fund!

Reading Corner: The Moanin' After (Part 2)

Last week, I finished the novel, The Moanin' After, by L.M. Ross, and thoroughly enjoyed it to the last drop! Delectably delicious!

“Please sir, may I have some more?”

Now, I don't want to tarnish the ending for those who have still not purchased the novel however, let me first say that people are sleeping on an exceptionally talented author. During my e-mail correspondence with Ross, I discovered the book was not selling favorably. So on that note, here are links to Q-Boro books, Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble and Borders Books & Music. There are no excuses! Go buy the book and support this gifted writer!

In The Moanin' After, Ross focused primarily on David Richmond, dancer extraordinaire, fashionista and former member of the boy band Da Elixir as well as exclusive heir to the group's royalties. He is haunted by the passing of his best friend as well as the “hemorrhoidic” desperate Faison "Browny" Brown, another member of the group who will do anything to achieve fame and fortune. While contemplating the meanings of life and love, David is reunited with Bliss Santana, a tortured soul who comprehends his pain but embodies secrets of her own. Lastly, David’s sanity is challenged when he meets Kindred, a vision of purity, like sunshine after a fresh spring rain. But is he genuine or simply a manifestation of David's grief?

The last few chapters were so powerful that I simply cannot give anything away. The story line and plot twists added a fourth dimension to the characters and reached the depths of my soul. Ross evoked strong emotions, something that NEVER happens when I read a book. Most emotional scenes merely scroll insipidly past my eyes but throughout those last chapters, I stopped reading and began FEELING! I experienced a mental orgasm of sentiment, an authentic catharsis and I’m left in absolute admiration and amazement!

Ross informed me that the book was structured such that first time readers weren't left wondering about the first book, Manhood: The Longest Moan. The flashback scenes were particularly beneficial as I read his previous novel a year ago. While there were numerous grammatical errors (he addressed that in our correspondence), Ross surpassed his peers and shined through with an astounding story and extraordinary prose. His poetic roots were woven throughout the story and he succeeded in crafting a thoughtful and eloquent conclusion worthy of the greatest writers.

I really can't type anything more except go buy this book! The length of both novels may discourage some unsophisticated readers however, if one is willing, you won't be disappointed. L.M. Ross has done it again and I'm quite sure this will not be the last we hear from him!

Conversely, I've begun reading Right Side Of The Wrong Bed by Frederick Smith, author of the previous novel, Down For Whatever. I've only just cracked the first chapter (I honestly didn't even know Smith had a second novel out!) so it'll be a week or two before I get something posted. Nevertheless, I enjoyed Down For Whatever and this novel is starting out real juicy so I have a feeling I won't be dissatisfied!

Ode To Twists

He couldn't love me without shame,
He only wanted me for one thing,
But you can teach your girl to do that

Can you love me without shame?
I need you when I feel pain,
And now you want to f*** around

(Me'Shell NdegéOcello - Barry Farms, Cookie: The Anthropological Mixtape)

Cameras, Breakups and Independence! Oh My!

Hmmm, let's see. My weekend didn't turn out as expected but I certainly did some soul searching ...

Friday: I came home and enjoyed doing absolutely nothing. The end.

Saturday: I had a doctor's appointment and everything checked out fine. I'm down to 203 (I lost two pounds so I'm feeling motivated!) I had blood extracted and hopefully they'll be able to ascertain whether my cholesterol is normal enough that I can come off these damned pills (I hate pills; I'd rather find natural alternatives). After an especially lengthy wait, I finally met with the dietician. And of course she was as skinny as a broomstick! I was familiar with the general procedure since I took a nutrition course two semesters ago. She examined my weekly meals and snacks and suggested three key modifications.

1. Elimination of excess calories
2. Portion reduction (that will be the hardest obstacle since I love to go back for seconds)
3. Sugar cutbacks (i.e. less juice, no more Honey Nut Cheerios, no jam on toast, etc.)

While we discussed much more, these were the crucial areas we focused on. In preparation for this visit, I altered my diet several weeks ago and she was reasonably satisfied with my food choices. I'm already extremely opposed to fast food and soda so I've got a small advantage. My target weight loss goal is 190 and she said about 2 pounds a week is a good pace. I'll let you know how it proceeds!

Twists still wasn't back from his vacation so I ended up spending another night home.

That night, I received a text from Thai Guy. He said he’s been in Toronto for the past few months and has been doing some personal reflection. He claims to miss our friendship and hopes that “all is forgiven.” I responded with very few words. I’m not sure I’m ready to forgive although grudges are bad for one’s karma. Just ask Sarah Michelle Gellar! What should I do?

Sunday: Following my second job, I returned home and prepared to hang out with Twists. There was a severe lack of communication and I was left feeling a bit pissed off and anti-social. I found out Twists was cruising for guys again. I didn't need anymore hints. He's “just not that into me” and I've decided to drop him. I was a bit upset but thankfully not heartbroken. Furthermore, I've resolved to stop pursuing a relationship as my priority for a while will be school and finding a job. :: sigh :: well, it was fun while it lasted!

Java-Mama had a Mother's Day gift card from Best Buy and took advantage of the tax break weekend. I wasn't in the mood to accompany her but I'm awfully glad I did. It brought me out of that funk. The moral? Shopping with someone else's money is definitely the cure for the breakup blues! She purchased the Nikon Coolpix 8.0 megapixel camera and absolutely loves it! Monkey see, monkey do: I want one now. My birthday is coming up in a few weeks … hint, hint! Wink, wink!

Unfortunately, the weekend was peppered with some tragic news. Last weekend, I mentioned that The Divo's friend was sick and not doing well. Sadly, she passed away early Sunday morning and my deepest sympathies go out to his friend's family and to him. I did not know his friend at all but I know he possesses wonderful memories and she meant more than I can ever know. A new star is definitely shining in the heavens this week.

Lastly, I was still feeling a bit down Sunday evening and Java-Mama and I had a heart to heart regarding independent living (aka moving the hell out!). I was browsing through Deonte' K's blog and noticed a post concerning his move back in June. Needless to say, it got me thinking. Java-Mama knows that I'm unhappy, especially since living at home is a bothersome obstacle while establishing a relationship and social circle. She shared her experiences and insisted that I not hold back out of familial obligation to her and Pops. She suggested using my CD's and other savings and begin searching for my own place.

My perspective? I'm all for it! I'm an introvert and much of that has to do with living at home. My parents are very liberal however, there are still certain restrictions and frustrations that emerge from time to time. Living on my own would allow me to come and go, explore my neighborhood, join organizations, socialize, date freely (among other things!) and experience a sense of responsibility and maturity. I've gradually earned responsibilities throughout the years (e.g. my first car) and now I'm ready to move to the next level (no pun intended). Independence isn't easy. Just ask the French! (okay, that was lame!) The economy isn't great and school is financially draining. Nevertheless, my first priority is securing a job and then determining if this proposal is even financially possible. I love my family undeniably but I believe it's time for me to be on my own. Ideally, I'd prefer to have a boyfriend to move in with, but I’m sort of deficient in that department. However, being truly independent means depending on me, and only me. I'm going to let the vision simmer in my head a while. I'll let you guys know what I decide.

Today: I had a great morning run (3.25 miles) however, Lil' Ronnie was MIA. Where in the hell is my muscle-bound daddy?! That definitely did not start my morning off right! ha ha! Additionally, it seems that Aunt Thomasina is out again this week which is fine by me! Between her absence and the bright sunshine (evil can’t exist in sunlight!), my last week is off to a great start! Have a good week everyone!

Friday Blues

Should anybody ask for me
Tell 'em I'll be right back
In a real short time,
It's just that I lost my mind
Gotta find it

I don't wanna lose my focus
But it's bound to leave
Everytime you come runnin' into me
You come runnin', runnin'
All we use to be
Shouldn't even matter to me

(Brandy - Focus: Afrodisiac)

This is my final Friday on the plantation the job and one would think I'd be thrilled. However, I've got some grey clouds swirling over my head. Welcome to my pity party. It appears that every time I'm feeling good (i.e. L.M. Ross contacting me), I always seek out the blues.

Kingston and I have been corresponding for several days and of course I transform into an idiot when I talk to him even though I realize he's moved on and actually seems happy. Some "desperate housewife" behavior ensued and now I've got pie on my face. I have the ultimate green eyes. And not just for ex's. I'm constantly eyeing my friends and their "seemingly perfect relationships" as well as some family (definitely not all!) I'm not naïve; I know everything isn't always perfect on the other side of the fence. Still, it's a habit I'm working extremely hard to break.

Twists returns tomorrow but honestly I haven't been feeling him while he's gone. I did miss him but I'm beginning to think that was just the lust infiltrating my thoughts. I've been horny as hell since he's been gone and even ventured back on BGC a few times. Lately, I'm in a sexual mode and I can't turn it off. I've got a hunger in my eyes while watching hot guys on the train and I'm extremely close to revisiting “casual hookups” again. Thankfully, I’ve only two weeks before school begins and then maybe I’ll focus on my studies again.

The last part of this grey cloud centers on my departure from work and beginning the semester. Let's do some self analysis!

"Lie down on the couch and tell me when this all began!"

Nah, for real, I suppose I'm despondent because significant changes are coming. I'm exiting my comfort zone. I've had the same routine, co-workers and boring a** train ride for over five years. Soon I’ll be broke with no idea when I'll get a job all while attending classes during the day. Consequently, I'm contemplating further on my future, or lack of. Another five semesters and I'll be finished. It will pass awfully quick. Truthfully, I don't know what I want to do following graduation thus I'm deliberating graduate school. However, that may be a stalling tactic to circumvent the "real world" and establish a career. I'm feeling incredibly overwhelmed and thus I'm seeking sexual companionship to ease the stress.

Hmm, maybe I should change my major to psychology …

I don't really want feedback. I just needed to express this peculiar feeling and regain the right mentality. I’ll check back on Monday and hope everyone has a good weekend!

One On One With L.M. Ross

I recently received an extraordinary surprise and I'd like to share this with everyone!

Yesterday afternoon, following lunch, I completed several more chapters of the book, The Moanin' After and logged back onto my computer. I decided to check my personal e-mail and noticed one titled, "L.M. Ross says THANK YOU ..."

So I sat at my desk mumbling, "yeah, whatever, probably Amazon.com thanking me for purchasing the book or something." As my pointer hovered over the delete icon, I noted the e-mail wasn't from Amazon.

‘Curiouser and curiouser’, I thought.

I opened the e-mail and discovered it was from L.M. Ross, the author of the book I'm currently reading!

‘Yo, no way! This can't be! I must be trippin'!’

Initially, I assumed it was hoax however, as I read the opening paragraph, a sensation crept over me and I realized this was genuine. Suddenly, that sensation turned frosty and my heart beat more rapidly as I thought about my negative commentary regarding his grammar usage. Would Mr. Ross be offended? Nevertheless, it turned out Mr. Ross was a valid, authentic, bona fide gentleman and incredibly amicable concerning those issues.

Mr. Ross thanked me for the kind words and was extremely pleased I had received something valuable from his work. Moreover, he expressed his regret about how the book did less than expected. I was admittedly shocked since the favorable reviews outweighed the negative on Amazon. The context of his second novel is significantly more profound than his first and I was simply beside myself that he wasn't received better.

This afternoon, I replied and encouraged him to not give up on his talent as I sensed some frustration in the tone of his original e-mail. He's an exceptional writer and clearly deserves a superior publisher. Mr. Ross is undoubtedly gifted and I predict we haven’t heard the last of him (thank goodness!) Lastly, I conveyed my thanks for recognizing my site and revealed how his book has motivated and stimulated my inner artist.

I can’t lie, I was a bit star struck. Let's face it, it's not everyday a published author actually takes the time to contact a reader (at least it’s never happened to me). That act alone made me feel extremely honored.

Nonetheless, I experienced a mixture of exhilaration and trepidation. I'm ecstatic that a role-model in the SGL community acknowledged me however, I'm fearful that the hidden presence of other well-known individuals will cause a “subconscious censure.”

Since I created this blog, I've been straightforward in my style of writing. I speak purely about what comes to mind even if with an absent audience. Blogging is therapeutic and allows me to establish an identity and expunge detrimental emotions. I rarely edit or regret my posts or comments and haven't apologized for any negative perspectives. Yet now I find myself wondering who is out there in cyberspace … watching.

I'm going to try and continue writing as openly and honestly as I can. Mr. Ross exuded a kindness that merely increased my confidence in my opinions. Consequently, the message in his books ("cherish your Art") has awakened my musical desires and I've got something huge in mind. In the meantime, I'll post my final review on The Moanin' After in a few days.

Once again, I’d like to convey my gratitude toward Mr. Ross for his correspondence and to everyone else, go out and support this brotha who is making waves in the pool. You won't be disappointed. Trust.

Me & Mr. Jones

I'm not a sports-minded person yet when you live in a household where sports are like the Holy Grail and a city obsessed with championships, well, you learn to adapt. Growing up, Rugrat was considered the "athlete" and I was the "musician." While I practiced endlessly, he played on several baseball and basketball teams and was forever outside pitching or shooting, rain or shine, winter or summer. To this day, he's a faithful Sportscenter viewer and a walking encyclopedia of sports knowledge. Consequently, I've learned to appreciate and comprehend particular sports such as basketball. Nonetheless, I still prefer to simply cruise the athletes!

On that note, I'm watching the Summer Olympics halfheartedly. I watched part of the basketball game against China, tuned into some beach volleyball and a few of the cycling tournaments. There are some hot guys in gymnastics but overall, the sport really doesn't interest me. Most of the time, the games are for background noise when I'm home.

However, the hype over Michael Phelps piqued my inquisitiveness and I tuned into some of the swim meets. Thus I found my Olympic crush. Cullen Jones. Prior to the start of the games, I had read info about him but for some reason, I never really took notice. Then I watched him in action and was relatively impressed. He's a terrific role-model for any younger African Americans interested in competitive swimming and made history with his five gold medals from past swimming competitions.

Anyway, enough preamble. He's tall (check!), slim (check!), sexy (check!) and very professional during interviews (check!) and damn, he looks fine as hell in and out of that bodysuit! (double check!)

Damn, I need to go cool off a sec! In the meantime, check out the slides above!

K.C.'s Workout Plan (Pt. 6)

It doesn’t appear that I’ve lost weight but I am seeing considerable definition in my shoulders, arms and chest and even a modest amount on my "abs" (albeit there is a gut obscuring them) I'm still eating healthy and doing my weekly shopping routines however, I don't know how much longer I can keep it up since I'll soon be unemployed. Nevertheless, I've been consistent with my morning workouts and I’m rather proud of myself. I slacked off a few mornings ago but I've made up for it. Progress is forthcoming but exceedingly slow ...

Meanwhile, my tatted, bulging hottie I mentioned in some previous posts has secured my attention every morning. I think I'm going to call him Lil' Ronnie because he looks like a smaller version of professional bodybuilder, Ronnie Coleman. This morning, he was on the treadmill (which is rare considering he's one of those guys usually found by the massive weights flexing in front of the mirror) and I was watching him like a freaking groupie while I worked out! I swear, I'm trying to convert my obsession into incentive. Guess which one is winning? It's too bad SGL desires don’t come with an off-switch, kind of like Data’s (Star Trek) emotion chip. Man, that'd be convenient. I swear I'm even more "guy-crazy" while Twists is out of town! Oh well, at least I have mild entertainment while I work out!

My Petition

I'm fuming. I'm absolutely ticked. I feel screwed over. I hate this feeling and when I feel this way, a part of me is ready to go into action and rectify the situation. However, I don't think there is anything I can do, or rather, I don't think I have the time to fight it. Let me explain.

I got a phone call from Java-Mama today and she informed that the city (I don't live in Boston but rather outside it; I just said that to keep those mofo stalkers from tracking me down! You know how us celebs do!) will now be charging for trash removal. That's right, you didn't misunderstand. I typed CHARGE! All right, I'm a person who is reluctant to change but once said change has occurred, I often find I appreciate the change. That said, it depends on the type of change. For example, I was slow to pay my bills online because of my experience with the TJX credit card scandal (I got caught up in that) but now I pay nearly 80% of my bills online and don't think I'll ever return to snail mail. Nevertheless, I believe change has to be positive and worthwhile. Beneficial. Okay, I'm sounding like Obama now!

The city will be charging $2.00 for these special blue trash bags you can purchase from your local supermarket or hardware store. The program goes into effect October 6th and any household that continues to utilize the old trash removal system will be fined and have their trash returned. You can have a private vendor remove your trash but seriously, who has that kind of money? Last time I checked, trash was all going to the same place. It's TRASH people! I'm extremely thankful my grandparents aren't alive to see this idiocracy because I know they'd be just as pissed!

The recycle program will continue free of charge and the city proposes, "the more you recycle, the less bags you'll use and the more money you'll save!" Bulls***! Not everything can be recycled. I'm all for saving planet Earth, Mother Earth, whatever, but damn, at least give me a choice! Isn't this America? It's bad enough that we're FORCED to wear our seatbelts, FORCED to have carbon monoxide detectors, FORCED to have health insurance, FORCED to eat zero trans fat food ... you get where I'm going here? Okay, not all of those changes are malicious but still, it's the principal behind the idea. Now we're being FORCED to recycle, while lining our politicians' pockets.

The explanation given on the city website stated that there was a deficit in the city budget and this program was being implemented to “even the difference” and refinance the “rainy day budget.” Okay, fine. We have a deficit. Why not raise taxes? Last I checked, our taxes were being spent toward trash removal anyway. In essence, we're just being double-taxed! And the best part about all of this? No one knew about this program. Everyone went on with their busy little lives, worried about Lil' Johnny's soccer practice and the latest episode of American Idol and failed to notice the new law that passed and slipped on the books! No petitions, no demonstrations, no town-hall meetings. Nothing.

Sadly, I can't or rather don't have the ability to fight this. And the city knows this. They have our backs up against the proverbial wall. I will soon be out of job and between attending school, looking for work and just living my life in general, I don't have time to protest or petition the new law. Most of the residents in the city are in the same position. Nearly 85% of the residents are foreigners and will probably just accept the law. Moreover, we're struggling in a uncertain economy and people don't have the money or time to fight this. Consequently, this isn't a local tactic. Government on all levels (federal, state, local) is quite proficient at sneaking laws in under the public's nose. You’d think government would find a way to help their citizens rather than hurt us.

But hey, I forgot, how stupid of me, this is America. Screw or be screwed.

"How do I trust you? How do I love you when you lie to me repeatedly?"
(Jill Scott - My Petition, Beautifully Human: Words & Sounds, Vol. 2)

Reading Corner: The Moanin' After (Part 1)

This week, I'm reading L.M. Ross' novel, The Moanin' After, the sequel to his debut novel Manhood: The Longest Moan. Before I get in too deeply, let me say that I absolutely loved the first novel! I cherished it so much, I've placed Ross on the same level with E. Lynn Harris and James Earl Hardy. High praise indeed! I enjoy novels that are extensive and provide me time to truly understand and appreciate the characters. Believe me, once I finished Manhood, I was well acquainted with Face, Ty, David and Browny.

The first novel focused on four friends, their journey into adulthood, the search for love while confronting their past demons. I know, it sounds cliché. Tyrone Hunter (songwriter), Pascal 'Face' Depina (pretty-boy model), David Richmond (dancer) and Faison 'Browny' Brown (voice) formed a boy band named Da Elixir which hurled them into instant stardom. However, such notoriety came with a price and each fell from fame and struggled to adjust to new realities. Now for those of you that didn't read the book, too bad (nah, for real, go buy the book!). SPOILER AHEAD so avert your eyes! To describe the sequel, you need to realize that two characters from the first book died. You'd imagine the story ended there but oh no, the secrets were just beginning!

The second book concentrates primarily on David and his struggle over the death of his best friend. Furthermore, the story focuses on Bliss Santana, Face's girlfriend and Browny's wretched attempts at revenge on his former group members. That is the most unpretentious way I can phrase the summary. The read is FAR more interesting. Words simply cannot do it justice.

Ross utilizes excessively descriptive adjectives and adverbs to create a rhyme-scheme that illustrates not only the characters but the rhythm of the city too. He weaves scenes together and integrates past events, journal entries and introspective thoughts into the narrative. The dialogue he applies to each character is consistent from the first book and the characters practically leap off the pages. I found myself mourning with David, reminiscing about his friend and struggling to find love and growing extremely irritated with Browny's get-rich-quick schemes. At some points, I realize I am feeling sorry for him.

I have two major concerns regarding grammar usage in addition to "spotlight" time. Ross is a talented writer but you'd never know it due to frequent errors. I don't recall numerous mistakes in the first novel but I was probably extremely immersed and didn't really care. Don't get the wrong idea; Ross’ second novel is surprisingly good. In fact, it's remarkably better than his first. The plot developments build on what was previously established demonstrating his adeptness at constructing a story. However, he merits a prominent publisher who can enhance his genius, skill and brilliance. Additionally, Ross does not balance time spent on the major characters. The initial chapters are devoted to David with subsequent chapters focusing on Browny. I believe Bliss only received about two chapters.

The story is climaxing and I'm quite eager to finish the book. I'm hoping David doesn't dig himself in some crazy messed up pit he will regret but I suppose the story will resolve positively. I can identify with his character regarding certain issues. Moreover, several points concerning relationships (platonic and romantic) have led me to re-examine my relationships.

Anyway, I'll get a post up when I finish the novel.

Doom & Gloom

“Damn, damn, DAMN!” – Florida Evans (Good Times)

This weekend was miserable and rotten to say the least. First Sen. Edwards had an affair (I really did like the guy and initially wanted him to be Obama's veep! - thank goodness that didn't transpire!), then Bernie Mac up and died and if that wasn’t enough, Isaac Hayes clocked out too! What in the hell is going on?! Are we living in Bizarro-world?!

The weather was just as depressing, storms constantly rolled by on Saturday and Sunday. That sure as hell didn't help my mood.

Additionally, I had my first “fight” with Twists. Yeah, I know, barely two weeks and I've already found something to disagree about but I wouldn't be K.C. if I didn't! Well this time it was over his "closet status." I told him I respect his decision but it's hard for me to get on board. I hid and snuck around years ago and it cost me a lot. I've been open (not out) and honest for about 10 years now. Family, friends, co-workers, and church-folk know all about my SGL status. I don’t advertise my orientation as my identity, it’s mostly on a need to know basis, but I'm not afraid to get affectionate in public, attend pride, or answer affirmatively when directly asked. Twists isn't willing to come out for ANYONE (namely friends and family) and we realized that we're on different levels. The sad part about this argument is we had this disagreement while he's on vacation out of state! We're still together and mutually attracted to each other and agreed to just take it one day at a time. Still, this disagreement will not be forgotten. Trust.

Adding to my misery, Rugrat informed me that his friend's brother was killed in Guatemala this past weekend. The details are sketchy (it's difficult getting info across national boundaries) but from what everyone knows he was shot five times. Rugrat was in a funk and remained barricaded in his room all weekend. My bro has been through a lot in the past several years. He's had several friends die either from car accidents, drugs, or cancer and I'm sure it's severely affecting the mental. My heart goes out to his friend's family.

Moreover, a good friend of The Divo is in the hospital and things are looking pretty bleak. As long as I've known him, he's always seemed the strong type, someone who wouldn't let anything get to him. I suppose even the optimists have pessimistic moments. I'm definitely hoping for the best in his situation and will be there for him if he needs me.

Furthermore, I received a call from Crazy this weekend. Java-Mama told me there was a message but she couldn't make out what he was saying. I listened to the message and he said, "get out of the state, you have to get away! The Catholics are killing everybody! Are you there? You have to get away!" Then the line clicked off.

That really hurt me because I really thought he was doing better, maybe on some type of medication. Apparently I was wrong. I'm not a psychologist and I've only taken a few courses but my guess is that he's schizophrenic. Most of his rants seem delusional and paranoid which is consistent with the symptoms of schizophrenia. Even before his first hospitalization last year, he used to talk about how people kidnapped him in the middle of the night or how there was radiation leaking from his computer making him sick. He used to go on about how he had AIDS and that his former military commander was stalking him. Last year, he had a run-in with his sister and her husband and claimed to hear a woman screaming for help from the basement. He actually called the FBI (no joke) and then broke into their house, scaring the s*** out of the kids! He's been in treatment for the past year but since he lacks medical insurance and family support, like most mentally ill patients, he will eventually end up on the street or in a shelter.

I hope the place he's residing at now will treat him. It hurts profoundly to see him like this. We've been friends nearly 20 years and I know him better than his own family. Last year, I was the first one he called when he was hospitalized. Watching him rant and rave about conspiracies and watching the security guards hold him back tore my heart to pieces. As I left the hospital with my mom, I broke down in the elevator. My parents and my brother have each lost a really close friend. I may not know what it feels like when a best friend passes away, but this illness is the next closest thing. The hardest part? Not being able to do a damn thing! If I had all the money in the world, I wouldn’t hesitate to help him. Understand, he's a smart guy and has a great personality and sense of humor but this illness is over-shadowing all of that. I'm a pretty good friend however, I can't take on his burdens coupled with my own. I can only hope for the best and when possible, continue to support him.

Nevertheless, it wasn't a completely bad weekend. I got to sleep in, workout, watch Transformers (for the third time!), watch the O-Games and relax. It appears Aunt Thomasina is on vacation so maybe my week will get better! Besides, I only have 10 more days until I’m free and if that isn’t cause for celebration, I don’t know what is! So, have a great week everyone!

The Opening Ceremonies

Did anyone watch the opening ceremonies last night?

I happened to catch about two hours of it before I quit. The theatrics were absolutely stunning and I was very impressed. The last opening ceremonies I watched were the 2006 Winter Olympics in Turino, Italy. I thought that was through the roof but this ceremony blew everything away! The fact that they were able to get 2008 performers to maintain the correct formations, move the large blocks, and drum on cue was awe inspiring. Because of my friends, 3 Degrees and The Divo, I'm knowledgable about most aspects of Chinese culture but still the pride with which they performed really moved me. After watching the ceremonies, I'm curious to see what London will do in 2012. On a side note, I'm hoping someday there will be an Olympics held on the continent of Africa but that probably won't be until I'm ancient and on my deathbed. Still, it's nice to keep hope alive.

I watched until the Parade of Nations and then cut it off. We're going to be saturated with the Olympics for two solid weeks, no need to drown early.

On a random side note, the Chinese people have a lot of pride in their stadium, The Bird's Nest but I couldn't help but notice last night that it sort resembled something else; sorry China, I respect your culture but the architect needs to be hit upside his head.

Lucky Friday

"Let the games begin!"

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye ...

Shout it from the rooftops! I've got my freedom papers and soon I'll be walking off the plantation and headin' North!

Today, I put in my resignation notice (last day will be Aug. 21st) and I confess I'll miss this place. At home, I constantly b**** about The Fund, complain about annoying co-workers and being at the bottom of the barrel here. Nevertheless, there have been many extraordinary memories and it's been a significant component of my life for over five years … how can I NOT feel something?

I arrived at The Fund a fresh-faced, cocky college boy who thought he knew everything. What I didn't know was the real world. And boy, oh boy, did it put a whippin' on me! While I had probably one of the nicest managers (he's since retired), there were a few nasty ogres in my fairytale. Throughout my first year, I rapidly bonded with my immediate co-workers (the company was split into three sections on two floors) and while I was extremely efficient with my responsibilities, I still found time to celebrate birthdays and shoot the breeze. I suffered through my former cube-mate Weezy (a rather large trashy woman who wheezed with every step but deep inside had a heart of gold), dealt with Mr. Burns and his self-indulgent mood swings, and endured Gaia and her weird nature-loving personality. I had favorite (former) co-workers who were the most fun and made sure every birthday and holiday were truly special. I can't even begin to recount the hours of conversation, gossip, laughs and jokes we shared.

Even when I moved to the "dark side" of the building, I adapted. My brother, Rugrat, and my former friend, D.G., worked alongside me and that made many "rough days" tolerable. We shared gossip, traded e-mails, acted goofy, ate out often, and did many other fun things to make the months fly by. Moreover, there were countless days of mind-numbing commutes, in all seasons, trudging through snow, sweltering while waiting for the slow-a** bus and fuming during train delays.

The best part about my time spent here was learning about Boston through many of these professionals. I was introduced to high-end restaurants, small, well-hidden gems from the North End to Beacon Hill and subsequently, I ended up writing restaurant reviews for the company newsletter. I viewed championship parades for the Patriots, Red Sox and Celtics from our building and cruised local festivals and markets. I've ridden on a Duck Tour (the "fake" Duck Tour), gone to Christmas parties and even met clients/vendors who constantly plowed us with cookies, cakes and other gifts (you wouldn't believe the s*** I've found while cleaning out my cubicle!). Moreover, I even watched as they filmed several scenes from The Departed right across the street from my building!

Inevitably, there were bad times. Times when I wasn't speaking to D.G. for weeks or arguments between Rugrat and I that carried over from home. I've been to funerals for co-workers and endured the wrath of the VP and Aunt Thomasina on more than one occasion. I've even hustled to the other side of the city on company errands when I didn't want to go and slaved over scanning and copying machines for hours.

Since returning to college, I've matured into a young man who wants to succeed and make a better life for myself. While I don’t fully comprehend the ways of the world, I’m wiser and stronger and I attribute much of this personal growth to working full-time. The Fund has shaped and molded me into an improved human being. This is the longest job I've had and consequently, there is no chance in hell I can pretend I'm not emotionally affected. Five years is a long time and many of my co-workers (even the despised) are akin to family. We've been through it all. We've seen people come and go. We've seen births and deaths. We've had celebrations and we've had difficult times (lay-offs, audits, etc.). And through it all, I learned what it means to be beautifully human.

Many individuals have stopped by my desk as I’m writing this post to offer congratulations and wish me luck. Even though, I'm not leaving for another two weeks, the reality of the situation is here and “smack[ing] me around and call[ing] me Susan” (Blankman!!!) There's a tiny amount of moisture tucked in the corners of my eyes. My emotional state originates from anxiety. I’d be lying if I said I was Deebo-tough! But then again, we all know what happened to him by the end of the movie. All my fears combined (spiders, heights, elevators, monster/horror movies and the dark) have nothing, nada, zilch on this feeling. The fear of the unknown is extremely paralyzing. Granted I may get a better job with great co-workers, or I could get a crappier job, but who is to say?

All I know is that, right here, right now, I'm saying my good-byes, memories race through my mind lightning quick, I couldn't have asked for a better opportunity. Thanks to everyone for the greatest five years and I wish all my co-workers the best!

Sometimes

Sometimes I love you,
Sometimes you make me blue,
Sometimes I feel good,
At times I feel used

I keep on fallin’, in and out of love with you
I never loved someone the way that I’m lovin’ you

(Alicia Keys – Fallin’, Songs in A Minor)

Several years ago, I met BJ during one of my lowest points in my life. I had been denied reinstatement at Berklee College of Music and for months, I resided at home, atrophying with no job, money or education. I literally had no idea what to do next and thus I entered a depression. Ironically, I met The Divo within a week of meeting BJ and during this bleak period, I had a shining beacon of optimism to adhere to.

Until that moment, I had dated boys (they so don't qualify as men!) who had nothing going for them. Or rather, I thought I was dating boys. Most of those couplings never lasted long and I was on the prowl within a month. But BJ seemed different. He worked at a major Boston hospital (clerical) and in my juvenile SGL mind he was the s***. You see, BJ had a car. None of the other guys I dated had cars and I was instantly hooked. A mix of idolatry, envy, lust and intrigue led to some serious flirting. E-mails every morning when I awoke and phone conversations almost all day. Since I was unemployed, I was able to meet him in Boston for lunch and on weekends, I hung out with him every chance I got.

However, in typical K.C. fashion, I isolated and magnified his shortcomings. The major obstacle that impeded my feelings toward him were his friends. Most of them were intense partiers and booze and weed was in abundance during his free time. While most of his friends knew he was SGL, he kept me from hanging with them which only made me more curious and suspicious. Nevertheless, we had our private moments, fulfilling conversations and nights together.

BJ was a music aficionado and subsequently he directed the Holy Black Mafia's men’s choir at my church. I had astounded him the day we visited his former high school, where I performed on the piano. I felt a deep artistic connection and we agreed we were from "the same tree, different branches." Furthermore, he was the only guy I've dated who actually likes Star Trek and we went to see Nemesis (yes, the cute little nerdy couple! lol) Eventually, “love slipped from my lips, dripped down my chin and landed in his lap and us became new” (Jill Scott – Love Rain, Who Is Jill Scott: Words & Sounds, Vol. 1).

All seemed idyllic until he was arrested for his little drug habit.

The stress of unemployment began affecting our relationship as well as his constant reference to a specific friend. After a disastrous V-Day (I ended up breaking up with him that day, yeah, yeah, I'm a cold-hearted b*****!), I tried to patch things up. However, once I landed my current job, we split permanently. While visiting my sister Tweet, I drove past the restaurant of our first date and actually found myself crying. I actually had to pull over and in that moment of weakness, I realized I wanted to remain his friend regardless of what everyone else thought or what we had been through. I tensely accompanied him to a an audition at a Connecticut university and during the ride, we hammered out the boundaries of our new friendship.

Things were rocky while we figured out how to be "just friends" but eventually it came naturally. We flirted from time to time but the chemistry withered and died. Since we didn't work far from one another, we had lunch often and kept up with the latest in our lives. We attended concerts together (The First Ladies Tour, Erykah Badu, Alicia Keys, The Sugarwater Festival) and I loaned him money (yeah, dumb mistake!) for his car. Incredibly, he came to dinner when I was dating Heart2Soul and was quite the gentleman. Unfortunately years later, I discovered he had cheated on me with his aforementioned friend. I've forgiven him but that incident assisted in altering my heartbreaking ways. While D.G., The Divo and my family had some issues with him, I continued our friendship ... until last year. We haven't spoken in about a year and I attribute that to his new boyfriend and maybe just being busy. I’ve been busy as well yet, I truly miss talking with him.

However, I wrote this post for two reasons: 1) to introduce the character of BJ and 2) to gain some advice. Rugrat is looking for a job and is interested in the place that BJ currently works. I've considered contacting BJ and asking if he can use his managerial influence to help Rugrat out but I'm not sure if that's proper etiquette. Granted, everyone in the world uses everyone to some degree; that's human nature. Nonetheless, I don't view this as personal so much as a business request. So what do you guys think ... should I bother to open that door again just to help family or perhaps leave well enough alone?

Superwoman

I've always liked this song and I'm ecstatic that she made a music video to go with it! I'm digging how she portrayed herself as every woman and this song really exhibits her maturity. Huge thanks to Fuzzy for recommending Dailymotion.com! YouTube disabled embedding feature on music videos due to copyright. Hmp, and I so used to be fan ...

Alicia Keys - Superwoman (HQ)
Uploaded by wonderful-life1989

*Finally Seeing G*

This week's featured blogger is Cash S. and his blog, Finally Seeing G. One of my original muses, Cash provided me with a down to earth look at daily life and while he's often extremely busy, he still manages to give updates on his daily happenings. One of the first things you'll notice about his blog is an overall lack of pics (well, some recent posts do) but that only amplifies his writing and highlights his unique personality. Some bloggers have added me to their lists, however, it is truly flattering when one of your original blog idols recognizes you. So stop by and check out Cash S. and leave a comment or two!

Starving Artist (Vol. I)

I recently came across my old sketchbook and decided to share some of my artwork with the world. I drew most of these images years ago and some are not completed. I'm a huge X-Men fanatic, and my favorite character is Storm. I sketch the images freehand with pencil (you can see this with Rogue and Bishop; the originals are clipped to the book for scale reference) and then use black ink pens to darken the lines. Afterwards, I use colored pencil and shading to make the images really pop out at you (borrowed that trick from a student in my high school art class). All images were drawn on standard 8.5" x 11" paper. Hope you enjoy!

You Got Me Twisted

In a nutshell, my weekend was pretty relaxing. I was excited on Friday because Twists and I were supposed to hang out and see The Dark Knight. Unfortunately, something came up and we were unable to get together. I spent the night watching Jumper with Hayden Christenden and Samuel L. Jackson. I borrowed the movie from Gaia and I'm not sure what to make it of it. Strange one. Has anyone else seen it?

After my Saturday morning workout, I began finishing up my resume and sending it out and then decided to pick Twists up after work. Before I left, a Verizon salesman came by the house and it seems we will be getting FiOS in two weeks! I'm seriously stoked! Twists got out at 11 PM and we headed to Simco's in Mattapan, a local eatery that serves up burgers, fries, foot long (chili) dogs, fried dough, and other assorted fattening food that I'm supposed to stay away from (and I was very good!). We flirted heavily while waiting for his order and mercifully, the food arrived and we jetted to a local park. Since this is a decent blog, I'll skip the "details" and suffice it to say, I got in at 2 AM.

... "you think I'm sent from above, I'm not that innocent!"
(Britney Spears, Oops! ... I Did It Again)

Sunday, I stopped by Twist’s job to get a fix say hello but he was very busy and I spent the remainder of my day hanging out with Crazy. I hadn't seen him in a while and he's really packed on the pounds. I'm also convinced he's not crazy so I may have to change his alias. Rugrat grilled some meat between thunderstorms and then I called it a night.

Today, I’m feeling pretty good. I submit my resignation notice on Thursday and needless to say, I have mixed emotions. It’s a love/hate relationship here and I’m scared of moving to the next level. Also, TV Queen has returned from vacation and I have a strange feeling before I return home, I will be interrogated as to whether or not I watched Rescue Me. More on her in another post.

I'm hoping to spend some time with Twists before he leaves on vacation. He leaves Wednesday and I'm feeling pretty sprung. I don't know what I'm going to do for two weeks ...

Reading Corner: Just Too Good To Be True

I'm about halfway through Just Too Good To Be True by E. Lynn Harris and let me tell you, I'm actually eager to read it on the train or at home, something I never do! I prefer to read once a day, during my lunch period however, I occasionally read at school when waiting on a late professor or to kill time between classes. This plot has taken more turns and twists than my hair and while I was initially disappointed that the main characters were straight, Harris has made them "oh so juicy" and interesting enough for me to overlook that. As I said before, I'm biased. But with good reason.

The main character, Brady Bledsoe, is a college football star struggling to maintain his reputation and virginity all while juggling his academic and athletic career. His mother is extremely protective and supportive but is hiding some major secrets. As is Brady. I had most of the secrets figured out based on the opening letters but a few other surprises have since transpired.

For die-hard E. Lynn Harris fans who may be considering boycotting the book because it's not his "usual style", one simple word: don't. There are a few characters tied to his past books (I don't want to give it away) that make an appearance. I didn't even realize who they were because it's been a long time since I had read anything from Harris. On a side note, in an AOL article, he mentioned that he would be releasing a gay-themed book in January 2009 that focuses on basketball as well as several other upcoming releases that will get back to his original characters.

His writing is superb as always. He describes only the necessities and includes minute details which make you feel as though you're watching a movie or actually living this person's life. The story doesn’t drag or speed by, it moves at a steady pace. The fact that he's able to include the perspectives of an over-bearing sports mother and a seductive college cheerleader demonstrates his versatility. This is nothing new since he reflected the point of view of many female characters before (Nicole, Yancey, etc.).

The one issue I have with Harris' writing is character names. I understand that authors have to be creative and borrow from real-life individuals. Still, Brady Bledsoe? Come on! That is just excessively blatant!

The gay element is present in passing references as well as in a minor character's role. Nevertheless, the story continually focuses on the bond between mother and son and shows what can happen when everyone pretends to be something they're not. After the few plot twists I read today, I can sense the story preparing to climax and I'm really looking forward to the end result.

That is something I know Harris will bring hard and I’m more than ready!