Friday, December 12, 2008

Mr. Independent

I'm hoping that someone out there can help me out right quick with a situation.

Since I've been dating The Voice, my family has experienced an interesting reaction. While they have accepted him with open arms, I believe they're going through "empty nest" syndrome and I'm not sure exactly how to respond.

My mother and I are extremely close and I share a lot of information regarding my personal, academic and professional life with her. I often seek out her advice and we dialogue for hours on various topics ranging from our favorite television shows to relationship advice. However, I've been away nearly every weekend for the past three months. I usually reside at The Voice's place and while it is only one town over, I rarely come home.

When I do return home, both Java-Mama and Pops make comments such as,

"oh, it's nice to see you finally!"


"I think you live here but I'm not sure ..."

I neglect to respond to their commentary however, I'm finding that I'm becoming more annoyed. I enjoy my time away from home and it's allowing me an eagle-eyed perspective on my living situation. I am less constrained and more self-reliant when I'm away. I'm beginning to feel as though they want me to remain stifled and restricted.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm always free to come and go. Nevertheless, when you live at home with your parents, you're still bound to certain responsibilities. I haven't helped out as much around the house and since Rugrat began his job, he works odd hours and isn't around much either.

I'm more independent than ever since I began this crazy journey with The Voice. While I do depend on my parents for certain things, I feel a need to detach myself. When I'm leaving for a long day (back to back school and work) they act as though I'm leaving on a three week vacation. Furthermore, when I depart on a Sunday night to stay with The Voice, my mom proceeds to hug me as if she'll never see me again. I appreciate the love but I sense an impact on our relationship. I'm concerned that his uber-independent personality may lead him to attempt extrication from my family situation.

Now that I’ve explained the circumstance, I’d like to know your thoughts …

Should I leave it alone and let things run their course naturally (i.e. let my parents adapt on their own terms) or should I try to impose my order on the situation?

1 comment:

Moanerplicity said...

As long as you're living under your parents roof, there is a sense of responsibuiilty they feel as parents & that includes protecting you & worrying when you're away & out of sight. They clearly MISS your presence in & around the house. Much of that is normal and any caring & concerned parent would feel the same.

However, you can't have it both ways. You can't really BE independent if you're still eating their food, sleeping under their roof, & enjoying all the privs of a boarder w/out compensation, my Brotha. While some parents will allow for this w/out complaint (even enjoy it), it also leaves them feeling like you're still their CHILD. Not their son... their CHILD.

You're seeking your own emotional neighborhood outside of the home, and yet you've still one foot inside the original home.

So yes, that empty nest syndrome comes into play (for them)-- even if it's part-time. But if you listen very closely to their comments, you may just hear some signs of animosity attached.

Subtext: He THINK he GROWN. But he ain't grown! If he was grown, he'd be out on his own, paying for his own, and making it ON his own.

This is NOT put-down, brotha. This is simply asking you to see life from THEIR eyes, and to understand where those feelings & comments might be coming from. They may LOVE having you home whenever you're there. And they can still resent you for being away and acting *half-grown*.