At 1 AM, I hopped in my car and cruised around. I called a friend and vented and he gave me some really good advice. You see, I'm not an outgoing person and I was concerned The Voice got the wrong impression after the party last weekend. The Voice called me a few times concerned and I returned around 2 AM after everyone was gone. I didn't want to bring up my "baggage" but he was insistent that I tell him what was going on.
I confessed and he reassured me that he likes me the way I am, whether I'm outgoing or not (duh! obviously he does or else he wouldn’t still be chilling with me!) He held my face in his hands and told me that I need to stop worrying about every little thing, stop analyzing everything and simply live in the moment. He emphasized self reliance and plain, simple fun.
"You're not the only one out there with issues and insecurities," he reassured me.
We lay on the bed and as he held me, he recited one of his poems, which assisted in lifting my spirits. Needless to say, he worked his thing too well and this led to other "things." Consequently, I promised him I wouldn't just up and leave like that again.
While I was profoundly disappointed in my actions, I discovered that The Voice is a communicative person, willing to work through an issue. The fact that he's still interested in me after my little stunt says a lot about his character (and patience). Most guys would have said "peace out, yo!" Still, I'm slightly intimidated by his social skills. As I stated in a post back in June (click here), I'm extremely shy, quiet and introverted. I'm not as adaptable as he is with any situation but I can hold my own.
Furthermore, he owes no allegiance to anyone but himself and I'm in awe of his free spirit and independence. Conversely, I've forgotten how to have fun. I used to just roll with the flow but the years have made me bitter, serious and cynical. I find myself overly conservative when it comes to just letting loose. Perhaps The Voice and I are beneficial for each other. His personality is presently affecting me, inducing me to step out of my routine and while I don't want to change him, who knows? Maybe he's getting something from me ...
Well let me wrap this three part series up. I awoke early Sunday morning and put my church suit on. I kissed him goodbye and drove out to Framingham for church. I arrived prematurely so I waited in the parking lot, observing the squirrels and birds in an adjacent field.
Suddenly, I decided to have a chat with God. It had been a quick minute (major religious issues here) however, I felt I needed to thank Him for bringing The Voice into my life. I was fairly ashamed by my actions from the previous night. Essentially, I've moaned and groaned over the past several years about how I wanted a boyfriend. I'm finally dating someone who has most of his s*** together, is in school working on his masters, not afraid to show affection in public, has a real job, likes me the way I am (LOL weird indeed!), has a variety of interests, and has his own place (my checklist was nearly complete) ... and what did I do? I found negative flaws and whined like some unappreciative b****. I checked myself accordingly and thanked Him for listening and watching over me and allowing us to be in each other’s lives.
I returned to The Voice’s apartment and found him watching the movie, Enchanted. He was too cute laying there in bed watching a Disney movie, especially after all the bravado and masculinity he exuded the night before. I love it when a guy can tap into their childhood and yet remain mature. Many people define sexy in relation to the body or sexual acts but I'm a fanatic of the intellectual. In my opinion, sexy is the way he taps into his feminine and childhood sides and is still the man in charge, the way he expresses himself lyrically and socially, the way he sleeps, the way he breathes, the way he lives life with love.
That is sexy to me.
He spent Sunday doing laundry and I brought him back to his place and we chilled for a bit. I apologized to his roommates for bouncing the night before (I didn't want to offend them, especially if I'm going to be coming around often) and then we watched some of the VMA's as he drifted off to sleep.
I can't wait until the next time I see him (UPDATE: we’ve chilled several times this week including dinner at the Cheesecake Factory). This past weekend was one of the best birthdays I've EVER had and I can't thank him enough for coming into my life. Whether we end up as friends or more, I'm glad I met The Voice and he's fast become the rock I need during this unstable time in my life. Consequently, I'm hooked and want to learn more about him. I enjoy our vibe and the way he makes me re-examine my soul, my mind, my heart and my life when I'm around him. I have two left feet when it comes to dating (I know I’m not the only one out there!) so I'm moving as slowly and deliberately as possible ...
"Let's see what's out there ... engage!" - Captain Jean-Luc Picard (ST:TNG)