Monday, August 11, 2008

Doom & Gloom

“Damn, damn, DAMN!” – Florida Evans (Good Times)

This weekend was miserable and rotten to say the least. First Sen. Edwards had an affair (I really did like the guy and initially wanted him to be Obama's veep! - thank goodness that didn't transpire!), then Bernie Mac up and died and if that wasn’t enough, Isaac Hayes clocked out too! What in the hell is going on?! Are we living in Bizarro-world?!

The weather was just as depressing, storms constantly rolled by on Saturday and Sunday. That sure as hell didn't help my mood.

Additionally, I had my first “fight” with Twists. Yeah, I know, barely two weeks and I've already found something to disagree about but I wouldn't be K.C. if I didn't! Well this time it was over his "closet status." I told him I respect his decision but it's hard for me to get on board. I hid and snuck around years ago and it cost me a lot. I've been open (not out) and honest for about 10 years now. Family, friends, co-workers, and church-folk know all about my SGL status. I don’t advertise my orientation as my identity, it’s mostly on a need to know basis, but I'm not afraid to get affectionate in public, attend pride, or answer affirmatively when directly asked. Twists isn't willing to come out for ANYONE (namely friends and family) and we realized that we're on different levels. The sad part about this argument is we had this disagreement while he's on vacation out of state! We're still together and mutually attracted to each other and agreed to just take it one day at a time. Still, this disagreement will not be forgotten. Trust.

Adding to my misery, Rugrat informed me that his friend's brother was killed in Guatemala this past weekend. The details are sketchy (it's difficult getting info across national boundaries) but from what everyone knows he was shot five times. Rugrat was in a funk and remained barricaded in his room all weekend. My bro has been through a lot in the past several years. He's had several friends die either from car accidents, drugs, or cancer and I'm sure it's severely affecting the mental. My heart goes out to his friend's family.

Moreover, a good friend of The Divo is in the hospital and things are looking pretty bleak. As long as I've known him, he's always seemed the strong type, someone who wouldn't let anything get to him. I suppose even the optimists have pessimistic moments. I'm definitely hoping for the best in his situation and will be there for him if he needs me.

Furthermore, I received a call from Crazy this weekend. Java-Mama told me there was a message but she couldn't make out what he was saying. I listened to the message and he said, "get out of the state, you have to get away! The Catholics are killing everybody! Are you there? You have to get away!" Then the line clicked off.

That really hurt me because I really thought he was doing better, maybe on some type of medication. Apparently I was wrong. I'm not a psychologist and I've only taken a few courses but my guess is that he's schizophrenic. Most of his rants seem delusional and paranoid which is consistent with the symptoms of schizophrenia. Even before his first hospitalization last year, he used to talk about how people kidnapped him in the middle of the night or how there was radiation leaking from his computer making him sick. He used to go on about how he had AIDS and that his former military commander was stalking him. Last year, he had a run-in with his sister and her husband and claimed to hear a woman screaming for help from the basement. He actually called the FBI (no joke) and then broke into their house, scaring the s*** out of the kids! He's been in treatment for the past year but since he lacks medical insurance and family support, like most mentally ill patients, he will eventually end up on the street or in a shelter.

I hope the place he's residing at now will treat him. It hurts profoundly to see him like this. We've been friends nearly 20 years and I know him better than his own family. Last year, I was the first one he called when he was hospitalized. Watching him rant and rave about conspiracies and watching the security guards hold him back tore my heart to pieces. As I left the hospital with my mom, I broke down in the elevator. My parents and my brother have each lost a really close friend. I may not know what it feels like when a best friend passes away, but this illness is the next closest thing. The hardest part? Not being able to do a damn thing! If I had all the money in the world, I wouldn’t hesitate to help him. Understand, he's a smart guy and has a great personality and sense of humor but this illness is over-shadowing all of that. I'm a pretty good friend however, I can't take on his burdens coupled with my own. I can only hope for the best and when possible, continue to support him.

Nevertheless, it wasn't a completely bad weekend. I got to sleep in, workout, watch Transformers (for the third time!), watch the O-Games and relax. It appears Aunt Thomasina is on vacation so maybe my week will get better! Besides, I only have 10 more days until I’m free and if that isn’t cause for celebration, I don’t know what is! So, have a great week everyone!

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