Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Sometimes

Sometimes I love you,
Sometimes you make me blue,
Sometimes I feel good,
At times I feel used

I keep on fallin’, in and out of love with you
I never loved someone the way that I’m lovin’ you

(Alicia Keys – Fallin’, Songs in A Minor)


Several years ago, I met BJ during one of my lowest points in my life. I had been denied reinstatement at Berklee College of Music and for months, I resided at home, atrophying with no job, money or education. I literally had no idea what to do next and thus I entered a depression. Ironically, I met The Divo within a week of meeting BJ and during this bleak period, I had a shining beacon of optimism to adhere to.

Until that moment, I had dated boys (they so don't qualify as men!) who had nothing going for them. Or rather, I thought I was dating boys. Most of those couplings never lasted long and I was on the prowl within a month. But BJ seemed different. He worked at a major Boston hospital (clerical) and in my juvenile SGL mind he was the s***. You see, BJ had a car. None of the other guys I dated had cars and I was instantly hooked. A mix of idolatry, envy, lust and intrigue led to some serious flirting. E-mails every morning when I awoke and phone conversations almost all day. Since I was unemployed, I was able to meet him in Boston for lunch and on weekends, I hung out with him every chance I got.

However, in typical K.C. fashion, I isolated and magnified his shortcomings. The major obstacle that impeded my feelings toward him were his friends. Most of them were intense partiers and booze and weed was in abundance during his free time. While most of his friends knew he was SGL, he kept me from hanging with them which only made me more curious and suspicious. Nevertheless, we had our private moments, fulfilling conversations and nights together.

BJ was a music aficionado and subsequently he directed the Holy Black Mafia's men’s choir at my church. I had astounded him the day we visited his former high school, where I performed on the piano. I felt a deep artistic connection and we agreed we were from "the same tree, different branches." Furthermore, he was the only guy I've dated who actually likes Star Trek and we went to see Nemesis (yes, the cute little nerdy couple! lol) Eventually, “love slipped from my lips, dripped down my chin and landed in his lap and us became new” (Jill Scott – Love Rain, Who Is Jill Scott: Words & Sounds, Vol. 1).

All seemed idyllic until he was arrested for his little drug habit.

The stress of unemployment began affecting our relationship as well as his constant reference to a specific friend. After a disastrous V-Day (I ended up breaking up with him that day, yeah, yeah, I'm a cold-hearted b*****!), I tried to patch things up. However, once I landed my current job, we split permanently. While visiting my sister Tweet, I drove past the restaurant of our first date and actually found myself crying. I actually had to pull over and in that moment of weakness, I realized I wanted to remain his friend regardless of what everyone else thought or what we had been through. I tensely accompanied him to a an audition at a Connecticut university and during the ride, we hammered out the boundaries of our new friendship.

Things were rocky while we figured out how to be "just friends" but eventually it came naturally. We flirted from time to time but the chemistry withered and died. Since we didn't work far from one another, we had lunch often and kept up with the latest in our lives. We attended concerts together (The First Ladies Tour, Erykah Badu, Alicia Keys, The Sugarwater Festival) and I loaned him money (yeah, dumb mistake!) for his car. Incredibly, he came to dinner when I was dating Heart2Soul and was quite the gentleman. Unfortunately years later, I discovered he had cheated on me with his aforementioned friend. I've forgiven him but that incident assisted in altering my heartbreaking ways. While D.G., The Divo and my family had some issues with him, I continued our friendship ... until last year. We haven't spoken in about a year and I attribute that to his new boyfriend and maybe just being busy. I’ve been busy as well yet, I truly miss talking with him.

However, I wrote this post for two reasons: 1) to introduce the character of BJ and 2) to gain some advice. Rugrat is looking for a job and is interested in the place that BJ currently works. I've considered contacting BJ and asking if he can use his managerial influence to help Rugrat out but I'm not sure if that's proper etiquette. Granted, everyone in the world uses everyone to some degree; that's human nature. Nonetheless, I don't view this as personal so much as a business request. So what do you guys think ... should I bother to open that door again just to help family or perhaps leave well enough alone?

2 comments:

Young,Black and DL said...

I say what the hell and contact him, about helping out your younger brother, what can it really hurt....I hear most jobs are gotten by someone knowing someone.

If he hasn't paid you back for that loan, then I say he owes you one!

fuzzy said...

GO for it! Why not, you have someone on the inside to help you out! use your resources!