Thursday, June 19, 2008

What Can You Say ... It's Family!

Recently I got back in touch with a cousin of mine who I did not grow up with. We traded e-mails, and phone calls and I attended her performances (she's a singer) to show support and love. Last week, we went to the Alicia Keys concert and I had a blast with her. She's so outgoing and fun to be around. We chatted about Jordin Sparks and Jermaine Paul and traded musical critiques on everything. But then Ne-Yo emerged and I inadvertently mentioned that I thought he was so hot! I then froze. I had indirectly revealed my orientation and while I was wearing my pride bracelet, I wasn't sure how she'd react. I had no idea what she thought about SGL (same-gender loving) people. Nothing more was said and then on the drive back to the house, I learned why.

I asked her, "you don't seem to be bothered by this" [held up my bracelet].

There was a little silence and then jokingly replied that "well Cuz, you're a little obvious! ... I'm kidding!"

She continued, "I understand because I've been there myself, I've dated a few women."

I kept driving while putting all the signs together. When I had last attended her concert, there were a group of her girlfriends in the club, some of them were fem and others butch-looking and a few were getting "cozy." I wasn't bothered obviously but it started making me wonder. I guess I was stupid for thinking that because she has a son that she wasn't one of the "fam." I guess I'm a bit slow on the uptake! lol

So she proceeded to tell me that the friend I had seen her with before was someone she had been seeing but was now taking time for herself. I supported her and asked if her family knew. She assured me it was okay, that everyone knows but I know better.

This whole incident has me wondering now ... is there a SGL gene in my family? The reason I wonder this is because my mom's sister is a lesbian and has a partner of over 25 years and an adopted son. I also have a cousin on my mom's side who is SGL and HIV positive. Furthermore, I discovered that my biological maternal grandmother was reputed to have been bisexual. And now my cousin (also on my mom's side). You see where I'm going with this?

I've long held the belief that being SGL was determined by your environment. Many of the guys I have dated had absent fathers or crummy relationships with their fathers. Moreover, I noted that my relationship with my father is strained at times. It's mostly due to him being old and stubborn and not necessarily because of my sexual orientation. Additionally, my family is extremely loving toward me, they really hover around the guys I've brought home so I don't think it was lack of support that made me this way. I've never been abused and I had a happy, well-adjusted childhood.

I'm beginning to re-think my theory and after this recent revelation, I believe that one's sexual orientation is genetically determined. It can't be a coincidence that so many people in my family are not straight.

However, this leads me to further questions. Is my family the only one out there like that? And what do you think: nature or nurture?


YoungBlack&DL said...

I really don't know, what it is, but I will say this.

There is this guy, that I breifly use to get with on the downlow, who I recently got reconnected with, who is a twin, identical twin to be exact. He told me, that both him and his brother get down with men, but didn't find out, until much later, because some guys that they each seperately use to get with, would confuse the two of them, and accidentally exposed the other twin getting down with men.

He told me, that he never was sure that his brother got down with men, but he felt it, in his blood, that he was sexual attracted to men, just like him. He said they are genectically the same, in every other manner, why not sexually.
S I don't know if it is genetic or what, but I do find it weird and interesting that two twins are gay, well one is gay(he doesn't realize he is gay, but he is) and the other is bisexual.

K.C. said...

Okay, twins ... that sounds hot!

Nah, seriously, that is too freaky but I hope they found acceptance within the fam and from each other. Thanks for the comment.

Got a comment to add from kennyking:

Wow, thanks for sharing this. I used to to think that it was about the environment in which one is brought up in as well, but am starting to see and hear things that make me wonder otherwise.
Bottom line, perhaps it is both nurture and nature. There are so many types running all up and through the gay community. Everyone has a story. Some are tragic, some are not-so-tragic.
Thanks for giving me something to think about.