Tuesday, June 24, 2008

You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry ...

My friend and I had a discussion the other day and somehow the topic moved to attitudes and black SGL men. He told me that when he's upset, he just lashes out at anybody and just finds the most hurtful thing to say. He "cuts deep" with words. My friend made it clear that in no uncertain terms that I'd want to get into an argument with him. Nevertheless, I countered him and stated that I have quite a wrath myself. And I do.

At the Chris Rock show last weekend, Chris said that people nowadays have to be politically correct even when they're angry and hurt. He responded, "F--k that! The whole point of an argument is because you're pissed off and you WANT to say the worst thing in the world to that person and now they got rules against that s--t?!"

Well, he has a point. I'm currently in a "standoff" of sorts with two former friends. One of my former friends, D.G., is a someone I've known since HS (almost 10 years) and she's currently pregnant, which is when the whole thing started. A lot of "he said, she said" stuff came up and she lashed out at me and while I tried to be civil, she wasn't hearing me. So I cut her off. The same with my newer former friend, Thai Guy (he's also black SGL). He basically made some assumptions about me and since Thai Guy is as stubborn as me, we cut each other off.

Now I'm obviously troubled by both situations because I didn't get a chance to explain myself. There is also some anger boiling under the surface and I have so many ugly things that I have thought about saying over and over. I've done it before. I've disrespected many of my family members, including my parents as well as friends and past boyfriends when I've gotten heated. I know I can "cut deep" and as I've gotten older, I've learned to just go someplace, cool down, and talk about the problem later. You can't take words back once they've been said.

However, I'm not so sure that many other black SGL guys are aware of that. The few I know, including Thai Guy, seem to have this anger management problem. He shared many instances over the past year when he blew his top, which in my opinion, was over nothing. Some SGL men always think someone has disrespected them or is out to discredit them. When I've tried to be rational and helpful concerning their issue, they think I'm taking the opposite side. I'm not saying I'm above all this because I know I have a temper; I'm just working extremely hard to keep it in check.

But is this phenomenon overly prevalent in the black SGL community? I'm aware that most SGL men of all ethnic backgrounds are known to use their wits as a defense mechanism. Believe me, you have to be tough in this world, but not all situations call for that. So are all SGL men filled up with rage and anger? And if so, do they know when to turn it on and off?

1 comment:

Prince Xem VanAdams-Lumumba said...

Ive been 'OUT' for the past 7 Years.
Ive met Black, Gay men of every type and social standing. I am surrounded by MANY Black, Gay Male associates and peers. I have had MAJOR Falling Outs with 2.
Under MOST circumstances, as I have experienced Directly and Indirectly as well, its often times the most INSECURE, JEALOUS and IGNORANT Young Men who run off on verbal tyrades against Other Gay Men.
I have found it to be TRUE that MANY of the Young Men Who dig as deep as they possibly can, to be as Evil and Cut-Throat as they possibly can, are those who have a minute understanding of Themselves and the World around them.

I have learned to NEVER say something in Anger that I have not shared with the other individual in Peace. I use to be VERY Vindictive and Evil when it came to 'Defending My Name/Honor' on the Circuit. I would DIG as DEEP as I possibly could to 'Tare a Brotha Down'.

I Learned and embraced the root of that UnHealthy Fire, and Ive managed to refocus the energy. I HOPE that Your 'Friends' will use their Xperiences and Mishaps to learn the SAME.