The Cookout (Pt. 2)

All good things must come to an end! But damn if it wasn't fun! So where to begin ... hmm ... let's start with the backbreaking work I had to endure Friday.

I had the day off from work but spent it doing a combination of yardwork and housecleaning. And of course it was hot as Satan's Ass Crack so thankfully I got to do the house in AC and sweat off 10 pounds outside! After scrubbing about 50 chairs, 13 tables, sweeping, cutting grass, mopping, vacuuming, dusting, weed-whacking and any other type of labor that was officially outlawed by the Thirteenth Amendment. Well, on to the fun ... or so I thought.

Saturday arrived with hot, hazy and humid weather. The yard looked perfect. Perfectly manicured lawn, several tables covered with brightly colored tableclothes. Groups of balloons and beautifully decorated Chinese lanterns ensconsed the tables while a huge green gazebo sat in the middle of the yard, covering two long banquet tables filled with food. Macaroni and cheese, potato salad, rice & beans (jag), collard greens, chicken, ribs, burgers, hot dogs, baked beans, macaroni salad, cakes, cookies, chips, brownies, soda and lots of booze were on the menu.

So you think you everything under control? Well, you don't. Not when you're dealing with "black people" (I'd use the n-word but I'm trying to run a dignified blog here!) The ribs and chicken was cooked off-site and was late in arriving. Subsequently, I had to work overtime to get the burgers and hot dogs out as fast as the orders came in. I thought I was familiar with Satan's Ass Crack (S.A.C.) but I think he farted because it was utter hell standing in front of that grill on the hottest day of the year so far!

And of course black people run on CP time. Most people didn't arrive until nearly 3:30 when the invitation clearly stated 2 PM. Yeah, I know, no one ever wants to be the first one but come on people! My friend 3 Degrees showed up with her man. She brought cakes and kept me company near the grill. The Divo and his boyfriend arrived next and brought cookies. 3 Degrees and her man sat with them. I was busy trying to grill (note: trying) while my dad sat with the other dirty old men in the back and leered at the girls (yeah, you know every family has one! - think Madea's Family Reunion with the soda barrel scene and you'll get the idea!)

(continued in next post)