Think Twice

I broke a record in my personal life. I had the shortest relationship ever. SideKick and I amicably parted ways this past weekend. We're very much attracted but realize that a relationship just isn't going to work with where we are at in life. He's starting a new job and I'm going to be finishing up my semester and then beginning a job search of my own by September. He's young while I'm settled in my ways. His idea of fun isn't mine. While opposites can be fun, in this case, I had seen a discord even before we hooked up. That's one of the reasons I had been keeping him at bay for nearly a year. I'm not saying it was step backwards but I'm looking for stability and security (never thought in a million years I'd say that, now I know I'm old! LOL). I want to move out, raise children and since this is Massachusetts, eventually get married. I like SideKick but I'm also an old fashioned guy and he's part of a younger generation that I realize I can't quite connect with. His idea of fun, morals, love, and many other things is so much more different than mine. I hope he'll find happiness since he's a great guy and deserves it.

The friends with benefits came up but I don't think that'll happen. I take sex seriously. I am a huge flirt and have a wild side. But I've matured such that it's got to be with someone I'm dedicated to, no matter how tempting anyone is. That's why I'd never cheat. Besides having had it happen to me, I just can't deal with guilt very well and I'm always thinking long-term. Not just about how it'd ruin my relationship but my mind, my health, my life, my soul.

The greatest benefit from this short relationship is that I was able to open my heart again. I've closed it off for the past three years. I had begun to accept that I'd never find love and just focused on myself and my goals. That's fine and dandy, but everyone needs love. I had grown cold-hearted and bitter. Even seeing couples together (SGL or straight) caused my heart to shut down even more. However, being with SideKick and having someone to call and talk to, to make your day feel better with just a text or a phone call, that has melted the ice and I'm learning to love again as well as forgive myself and others. I'm going to begin dating again and maybe I'll find someone who uniquely compliments me. Who knows? All I know is that right now, I feel spiritually alive again and I'm going to open my heart to new possibilities.

"I keep moving forward, pressing onward, striving further. I keep on laughing, keep on living, keep on loving. I keep on dreaming, keep on achieving, keep on believing (I keep) I keep smiling when I come thru ... and I cry when I need too." - Jill Scott (I Keep - Words & Sounds, Vol. 2: Beautifully Human)